Page 97 of The Unhinged Christmas of a Cat Lady
I choke on my coffee.
“She then proceeded to narratethe entire nativityfrom memory. With added commentary.”
Geoff’s crying with laughter. “Please tell me this is on video.”
“It is. But I’ve been warned not to share it unless Lucy is present because she wants to see people’s reactions to her excellent performance.”
“What did the teachers do?” I ask.
“Nothing. They froze. The headteacher was trying not to laugh. One of the shepherds was picking his nose aggressively throughout the entire performance and Mary dropped the doll when someone shouted ‘SNACK TIME’ from the back.”
“Was the baby okay?” Geoff asks.
“Decapitated. Twice.”
I rest my head on my hand, smiling. “And Lucy?”
“Proud as anything. Took a bow and demanded ice cream as a reward.”
Geoff wipes his eyes. “I just love her.”
Theo shrugs. “All I know is, next year I’m bringing a hip flask and low expectations.”
I laugh quietly, and it feels good. Properly good. The kind of laugh you don’t have to think about.
For a few minutes, I let the noise of the café settle around me. The hiss of the milk steamer. The clink of cutlery. The hum of people who aren’t worrying about whether someone else's ex still has a foothold in the present.
Theo tops up my coffee without asking. Geoff leans back like he’s just completed a triathlon and is ready to collapse from exhaustion.
“So,” I say, before they can ask why I’ve been unusually quiet, “I’ve been seeing someone.”
Theo freezes mid-sip. Geoff squints at me like I’ve just announced I’ve taken up interpretive dance.
“Defineseeing,” Geoff says.
“I’m dating someone,” I clarify.
Theo sets his cup down very slowly, like he's worried sudden movement will scare me off. “You’re dating. As in, willingly. With a human woman?”
“Yes.”
“Not an alien or some high-concept ghost?”
“Still yes.”
Geoff grins. “This isexcellent. Who is she?”
“Her name’s Miranda.”
There’s a brief silence, broken only by the clink of Geoff stealing another forkful of my pastry.
“She rents the annexe,” I add.
Theo’s eyebrows rise. “Yourannexe?”
“Attached to my house, yes.”
“Wow,” Geoff says. “So not only are you dating, you’ve literally brought the relationship within stumbling distance.”
