Page 96 of The Unhinged Christmas of a Cat Lady
“Exactly,” Lizzie says, then narrows her eyes. “Oh god. You’re not actually thinking about going back to Sim-Sim, are you?”
“And if she does, that’s her choice,” Amelia cuts in with a look sharp enough to make Lizzie wince.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I mean, it’s not just about me. I have to think about SJ too. But until I figure it out… how fair is this on Jasper?”
“Pish-posh,” Lizzie waves me off. “Men do this kind of thing all the time.”
“Yeah, and we don’t like them for it,” I sigh. “Anyway. Enough of my emotional turmoil.”
Lizzie leans back and says, “Right. Finish your coffee, ladies. I need to find something wildly inappropriate for my boss before I lose the will to shop.”
“Excellent,” Amelia says, already standing. “I vote novelty wine stopper or ‘world’s okayest manager’ mug.”
And just like that, we’re back in motion. Three women, too many bags, and one slight emotional breakthrough, promptly buried under sarcasm, caffeine, and questionable gift choices.
Business as usual.
Chapter twenty-six
Merry Feelings, Everyone
Jasper
Theo’s coffeehouse smells like cake and hot chocolate.
He glides over with a plate of something flaky and delicious, sets it in front of me like he’s presenting an offering, and says, “Eat. You look like you haven’t had a proper meal since Tuesday.”
“I’ve had toast,” I say.
Geoff, already halfway through what might be his third piece of Gugelhupf, snorts. “Toast doesn’t count. That’s just warm bread with the consistency of cardboard.”
I ignore both of them and stir my coffee. We’re along the counter as usual. These bar stools are really only used by us.
“You’re brooding,” Theo observes. “Which means either a woman or the Christmas season is upsetting you.”
“Could be both.”
He sighs. “Right. Well, before you drag the atmosphere any further down, I’d like to share something truly harrowing.”
Geoff perks up. “Does this involve blood or public humiliation?”
“Close,” Theo says. “Lucy’s nativity play.”
I raise an eyebrow. “She’s five.”
“Exactly,” he says darkly, as if that explains everything. “Five-year-olds in costume. Nothing but glitter glue and chaos. And somehow, I’m the villain for laughing.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“Well. For starters, the sheep wouldn’t stay in their positions. The innkeeper refused to give up his plastic chicken. And the kid playing the camel farted on the baby Jesus backstage.”
“Strong start,” Geoff mutters.
“But Lucy,” Theo continues, pointing a finger like he’s delivering a courtroom reveal, “Lucy decided to take control. Because apparently, ‘Gabriel’s not doing it properly.’”
“Wait—wasn’t Lucy a snowflake?” I ask.
“She wasmeantto be a snowflake,” Theo says. “But she came out wearing the wings from her fairy costume and announced—and I quote—‘I am now Angel Queen Lucy, and I know the story better.’”
