Page 69 of Queen of the Night
His next words are unexpected, and a hint of sincere concern appears in his eyes. “Are you well?”
I frown, caught off guard. “I’m fine.” As fine as a woman can be in circumstances such asthese, I suppose.
“It’s just… you’ve looked pale?—”
“Did you need something?” I realize immediately it was the wrong thing to ask.
He looks at me for a long moment, his lips tilting into a dangerous half-smile, as if deciding the blunt change of direction in our conversation is acceptable. “Yes. Actually, I do.” His voice is low and silky, tempting me to tell him whatever he wants. “I need to know what you know about the Tulips.”
He saunters forward until we’re a breath apart and looks down at me, holding my gaze. He says it so easily, so directly, as if the Black Tulips haven’t worked so hard to keep themselves hidden for centuries now and suddenly our secret has busted out into the open.
“I can’t help you.”
I expect him to ask why, so I begin formulating an appropriate response. Instead, his next question yanks the air from my lungs in one fell swoop.
“I’ve wondered why you care so much, why you refuse to trust me… why youfearme,” he muses, and lets that comment linger a moment, lets my heart rate rise torturously until I fear it’s going to stop completely.
When I don’t respond, he continues. “You know one of them, don’t you? You mentioned a best friend, but you hardly speak of her. You hope to protect her from me. You’re terrified I’ll find out where she is.” His voice is rough now. Accusatory. Assuming.
And sorta right, if I’m being honest.
He stands too close, and I slowly wipe my sweaty palms along my trousers, grappling for words.
“You think I’m a monster,” he says darkly, fitting the description he paints of himself.
My heart beats like the hooves of a hundred racing horses.If I felt panic before, it’s nothing compared to this. His guesses are growing too accurate. My breath is shaky, and I hate that he can hear it. And I hate that the only way to throw him off our scent is to hurt him.Oh, how I hate to lie.
I gather every ounce of frustration and fear and panic to force anger to ring true in my voice. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You want to know what I really think?” I don’t wait for him to answer; I forge ahead with sharp spite in my voice. “You are so desperate for the Black Tulips to be real, to believe that you can be the hero, that you have imagined things about me that are wrong to give you a twisted sense of hope. This is all pointless. There’snothingyou can do.”
I feel immediate flames of hot guilt. We stand so still I can’t even see his chest move with breath. He doesn’t speak, but I glimpse hurt in his eyes for half a second before it’s gone. Whatever there was between us extinguishes as quickly as I snuff out the light in my hand, dousing us in darkness.
I begin to walk around him.
“Have you ever trusted anyone in your life?” His voice comes out cold and hard from behind me.
I hesitate. I want to shout that I’ve trusted Tatania all this time, but have I? What about Mama Tina? My Tulip sisters? Renna? I don’t trust any of them with my life, or my deepest secrets, but is that their fault… or mine?
“Thought so. At least it’s not just me.” He turns and brushes past me, leaving me in the dark with a gaping hole in my heart.
Chapter 41
Vera
My eyes are dry as desert sand this morning from a complete lack of sleep brought on by the horrifying conversation Ikar kicked up about the stupid list of Tulips last night. To hear that they remembered almost half the names is not good. Then they’d almost gottenmine, which is also bad. And even worse than that? The conversation that came after.
Something tells me it won’t be long until Ikar realizes the secrets I’ve hidden right under his nose all this time. I don’t plan on being anywhere near when he realizes—ifhe realizes. I hate that I feel like a traitor. I know I’ll be escaping soon after we land, leaving Ikar to figure this out on his own. I feel both guilt and relief, but I remind myself that this is how the kings wanted it when they killed my sisters, and this is how it will stay.
Now, tears stream from the corners of my eyes with the speed that we return to the kingdom on the sharp flyers. I don’t know how long they’ve been waiting in that field, but they were there when we arrived.
I’m sharing a saddle with Darvy this time, which was a risky choice given the rough start he had on the trip here. Gratefully, though, this time was much smoother, and we left the dreadful Lucent Forest behind. The sharp flyer’s powerful wings beat on either side of us, carrying us swiftly back to the high kingdom. Darvy keeps one arm wrapped snug around my waist as if he thinks I might slide off without it.
I smile sadly. I’m going to miss working with these men, but I’m exhausted from all the secrets. Exhausted by my magic constantly reaching for Ikar. I’ve fought for days to keep my magic to myself, and I’m weary in a way I never knew possible. If ever I was ready to retire, it would be now.
Rest and respite are still out of reach, though, because all I can think is that I must warn Tatania about everything that has transpired. She has to know that we are no longer secret or safe, even if that means spilling all my mistakes over the course of the last few weeks. Discomfort twists my stomach just thinking of it, but it has to be done. Our names are out there, not only between these three men, but whoever created the list in the first place… and what if it wascopied?
My nerves have been tingling with the urge to reach Tatania before Ikar finds any of us. I know now that if we don’t do something different, he will. He’s capable, smart, and has every resource available to search us out. It’s not a matter of if, but when.
It’s only a few more hours before the sharp flyers begin to circle above the castle to land one at a time. A crowd heads in our direction as soon as we’re spotted. Apparently, the king was missed. I wrinkle my nose, trying to feign disgust—it doesn’t work. Truth is, I feel for them. I miss the king, too, and I haven’t even left yet.
