Page 90 of Queen of the Night
I open my eyes and find a kingdom spread before me. Somehow, he created this…picturethat feels real. I see Moneyre, but the cream stone of the high castle is now a moody, deep gray, the black roofs of the turrets gleam, and gloam is ineverything. Somehow, though, it’s beautiful. Misty and shadowy, yes, but in a way that makes my eyes wide with wonder. This new kingdom spans out before me as if I stand at the top of the world. I’m surprised to see that none of it is dead and decaying like it is now; it looks healthy, in the darkest of ways. I want to hate it. I want it to look dreary and sick and wicked.
Renton pats my hand on his sleeve, and I realize I’m practically clawing him.
“It affects me as well, my queen.” His pat turns to a thumbcaressing my skin.
I begin to feel the uncomfortable nudge that comes from building tension. It feels as if he expects something.A kiss?I immediately release his jacket from my clutches and pull my hand from his arm. He lets me this time—he’s safe to assume that I won’t be running away into the depths of his beautiful nightmare. At least, for now.
“All this will be yours…” He whispers near my ear as we look over his future kingdom together.
I freeze. Even my heartbeat seems to slow as I truthfully consider his words for a moment. The hurt and battered Black Tulip within me, marked with a flower that is hated, that has been isolated and lectured and constantly hiding, blooms a little as I think of how it would be to embrace this future with the darkly handsome man beside me. I see myself in his arms, wearing an evening gown that matches the black of deep shadows—never white clothing again. My hair intricately braided and curled and pinned up to reveal the mark that has pled for fresh air for years. It’s all darkly romantic, heady, and freeing.Freedom.
I blink and a single tear tracks down my cheek, leaving a cool streak in its wake. It reminds me that I was never made for this world. My cool magic has felt the barest touch of warmth, and it changed me forever.Ikar.I fear, now that he’s dead, that I’ll be destined to live a life of lukewarm, or even worse, frozen heartache… and it feels as if it’s all my fault.
Rupi nudges my neck with her small head, reminding me she’s there, and though I want to lean into her affection, I stay still.
Renton’s finger gently brushes the chill tear away. He’s offering me all I’ve ever dreamed of. If he’d found me two months ago, I admit it would have been more difficult to say no. A woman who doesn’t know warmth wouldn’t have been so hard to convince. Two months ago, I didn’t know the high king of Moneyre personally. I didn’t know he was honorable and good and worthy. I didn’t know my magic could call to another’s that way. If I was going to bridge with anyone, it would have been Ikar.
The vision around us fades until the forest materializes around us once again. I follow Renton somberly back through the camp, never more grateful for Rupi and her small, steady presence.
Chapter 50
Vera
Renton walks me all the way back to my room, or more correctly said,my prison, since I don’t get the option to freely come and go. He motions for the guards to leave, and we stand there before the door, just he and I. Rupi lurks behind my braid as if she knows she shouldn’t advertise her presence.
He leans a shoulder against the wall and looks hard at me. “You’re very quiet.”
I shrug. What does he expect me to say?
He doesn’t seem to mind the silence between us for several moments. Then he stares at the stains on the fabric of my clothing through the open cloak, and his dark brows pull together in a slight frown. “You loved him.”
Suddenly it’s so quiet that my breathing seems very loud.
“What?” I play innocent. No need to scream thatI still do, and I will even after death.
“The stains. That’s why you refuse to wear any of my gifts. You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”
“I don’t fall in love with kings,” I say bluntly, forcing a hintof uncaring attitude into my voice though I feel the opposite.Liar. I command myself not to cry.
He watches me with his blue eyes—eyes that I avoid looking directly at for the torture they inflict. “And maybe I would believe you if we chose who we fell for, hmm?”
If there’s one person I’ll tell of my love for Ikar, it will be Ikar. If he died, the knowledge of my love for him will die with me.
“Believe what you want.” I shrug. “I said what I said.” My voice is so nonchalant that I’m certain, if I tried, I could get a job with one of the traveling groups that performs throughout the kingdom.
A corner of his mouth turns up in a half-smile, and I hate that he knows.
“In time, it will fade.”
No.
“We can be happy together, Vera.”
I know he’s trying to be kind by using the shortened version of my name that I prefer. It’s the first time he’s said it that way…and I hate it. The last man to say my name to me was Ikar.
I simply look down at my dirty boots and try not to shiver.
He straightens, for the first time appearing frustrated at my apparent rejection of his attempt to connect. “You try to hide it, but I know what you felt when I showed you what I have to offer. And if that’s not enough, you know I will care for you, protect you, give you everything you could ever want from a man. I know right now it seems too far out of reach, but Iwillhave what is mine. And what is mine will beyours.”
