Page 37 of Queen of the Night
Sometimes it feels like I’ll never find the elusive magical flower, the missing Queen of the Night—that it’s all tragically doomed to fail anyway, and I’ll be left watching my kingdom be consumed by gloam. Dangerous thoughts whisper through my mind, tempting me from my purpose.
Why not marry a woman I love to end my days with, however soon that comes?
I rest my eyes on Vera’s profile, tracing it as I fight the urge to tuck stray hairs behind her ear, resist running my thumb along the smooth line of her jaw. But then I remember my dutydictates that even if I don’t find a Queen of the Night, I’ll have to attempt to sacrifice myself to Lucentia, and I’d end up breaking Vera’s heart, if I ever gained it. I press my lips together and back off, realizing I’ve taken things too far. It’s clear I haven’t put enough effort into distancing myself from her. I chastise myself for the weakness I’ve shown in hiring her in the first place—she’s a drug I can’t resist. So, my identity being revealed… well, it seems this is the best for both of us.
Chapter 24
Vera
Fat white flakes of snow pile up across Ikar’s shoulders and hood where he walks ahead of me. My limbs are as frozen as my feelings. The tension of my discovery has eased to a dull numbing sensation—matching the state of my mood. Panic over the knowledge of Ikar’s identity comes in waves, bringing high-pitched ringing in my ears, lungs gasping for breath, heart racing, and bouts of heavy sweating that are borderline embarrassing. The waves come more sporadically now, instead of being constant as they were the first day. Now I am merely set on avoiding Ikar and finishing this journey as quickly as possible. I know it seems ludicrous, but I feel as if he’s betrayed me in the worst way though he has no idea he has.
Since my thoughts and feelings have begun to calm, a persistent and uncomfortable realization has settled into the cracks of my heart. I may feel betrayed by him, but I’m now forced to face the fact that I will now have to betray someone I care for, no matter which side I choose. But it’s not actually a question—I’ll choose the Tulips over the kings every day. I don’t care about the kings, but if I take the title away… I’d be lying if I said I don’t care for Ikar. I don’t want to betray him, even if Iamblazing angry and hurt right now. The snowflakes increase in size, falling cold and heavy and turning the already soft, moist dirt to squelching mud that leaves my boots covered in a solid, thick layer. At first, I was grateful for the snow and the excuse it provided to pull my hood forward and avoid Ikar, but now it’s so cold my muscles spasm and my teeth chatter. I clench my jaw off and on, in a failed attempt to quiet them.
I’m distracted from my discomfort when I see a familiar-shaped snowball bobbling toward me in a somewhat erratic flight pattern, as if the weight is too much. I catch Rupi in my hands, and instantly the snow that has conglomerated in layers begins to melt as she offers a near-frozencheep. I immediately pull her within the confines of my cloak where she soaks the front of my jacket and makes it impossible for me to retain any remaining warmth as she trembles against my chest.
“Am I forgiven, then?” I ask her lightly as I rub the accumulated snow and ice from her feathers, leaving them sticking out sporadically and extra fuzzy as they dry.
“I told you he was dangerous; you need to stay away from him,” I can’t resist whispering.
I’ve always depended on Rupi to guide me, warn me… but I want her to know thatIwas right about things this time. I feel her feathers begin to quill at my words, and she pokes her head up, side-eyeing me with a single blink. I’ll take that to mean she doesn’t agree, even as she proceeds to take advantage of my warmth and begins to clean her feathers snuggled up beside me. I can’t help but smile, though it hurts to know how much she loves him.
I return to my cold trek behind Ikar with nothing to look at buthim. There’s tension that simmers between us even though we haven’t spoken more than a handful of words to each otherin over a day. I hate it because there’s nothing to distract me from being constantly aware of him, constantly attracted to him, constantly mourning over the loss ofmycriminal and the easy conversation and companionship we shared—not even being half-frozen.
The snow stops in the late afternoon after leaving several inches for us to hike through. Only a single flake falls here and there, now, but it’s not even pretty. What should be white and sparkling in afternoon sunlight appears dull and gray covered in gloam. And as the clouds above us clear and the suns sink, a new depth of chill begins to creep into my frozen bones. I fill my mind with visions of all my favorite warm things—steaming baths sprinkled with bright flower petals at Mama Tina’s, sitting before a crackling fire, a cup of warm tea between my hands, the warmth of sunshine on a hot summer day. The thoughts keep my feet moving when all I want to do is curl into a ball and sleep.
When Ikar finally stops for the night, I nearly cry with relief.
He eyes the rock wall of a cliff that rises above us. “It’ll provide a little protection, at least.”
He looks my way, and I nod. I try to ignore the disappointment that flashes in his eyes at my lack of response. I can’t feel bad about it. I know if I start talking to him again it will be harder than it already is to hate him.
Thanks to Ikar’s skill, it’s not long before warm firelight casts long shadows that reach and flicker up the cliff wall. As I stand near, holding my hands over the flames, tingling and aching as they thaw, Ikar drags a small tree trunk close to the fire and brushes off the snow. He gestures for me to sit. My teeth continue to chatter as I eye the situation warily. I can either share the small log that looks much too cozy with Ikar, orattempt to warm my behind on the large, cold, snow-covered boulder several feet away from the fire. It feels like a mean trick. But I’m so cold I can hardly imagine I’ll ever be warm again, and the heat calls me. I feel my heart soften the tiniest bit at his thoughtful actions, and I silently nod my thanks. I leave my stuff in a heap and take a seat on the log, a hand’s width from Ikar—as far as I can get without sliding off the end, and hunch forward as I press my hands between my knees to warm them.
He turns the rabbit he hunted over his hard-earned fire—it’s no small feat finding wood dry enough to build one in weather such as this. The growing flames illuminate his handsome profile, and I get frustrated when my eyes are continually tempted to trace its outline.
Rupi pokes her head from the folds of my cloak, testing the warmth to see if she’s able to leave its protection. It appears the heat of the fire is acceptable because she hops out and perches on my knee. Her fluffy feathers stick out in disarray, and I stifle a laugh as she settles herself on the edge of my knee, as near to the fire as she can get. Her gentle movements as she puts her feathers in order and the gradual thawing of my body have me feeling sleepy and more relaxed than I’ve felt since I found out Ikar is the high king. As long as I ignore that, I enjoy the warmth he offers from where he sits beside me.
But the peace doesn’t last long.
I feel the very moment the bracelet comes free and slips from my wrist, so soft it could have been one of Rupi’s feathers brushing across my skin. It falls lightly to the wet dirt near my boots with hardly a sound, and I freeze. Just like that… I’mfree.
It’s what I wanted, isn’t it?
Rupi appears to sense it and peers down at where it lies on the ground, then back up to me, as if waiting for my reaction.Her bright eyes and feathers puffed up to make her appear almost twice her size show me she’s pleased. My fingers graze the bare skin of my wrist in shock.
I’m free from the rules of the Black Tulips and their expensive dues that plagued me for so long. For one long moment, I ignore the panic and let every single one of my bad decisions be worth it. I revel in my recklessly earned freedom. The reprieve from guilt over my actions feels like a weight lifted from my shoulders… until my magic begins to twist and curl in a way I’ve never experienced. I still for a moment to attune to its movement and sensation with curiosity, feeling it move throughout my body as if I’ve freed a piece of magic that was tied to the depths of my very soul. But the curiosity turns to dread as I realize what’s happening. I’d hoped my lucent would be too weak, as Tatania said it should be, but it feels as if some foreign part of my magic stretches itself out and flexes its claws like a lazy, warm cat waiting for a mouse to pounce on—or a high king.Ikar.
His heat calls to my cool like never before, and I snatch my wandering magic back in horror, hoping he didn’t sense anything. This is undoubtedly what Tatania meant when she spoke of the way a Tulip and king are drawn together, except it’s stronger than I ever imagined—and worse, something traitorous within me whispers that I should allow it.
No.
“Vera.” Ikar’s deep voice captures my attention. “Your bracelet.”
I jerk out of my frozen trance to find him much too close, my magic curling in traitorous delight. He leans down as he reaches for it, his arm brushing my calf in the process. He holds the dangling piece of jewelry out for me to take. I don’t miss the irony that the king I was always supposed to behidden from holds the very thing that kept me concealed from him in his fingers. All those days ago I imagined I would feel a lot…freer.
I brave a look up and meet his eyes for a long moment. I can’t help but notice the small crease that forms between his brows.
Does that mean he feels something?
