Page 19 of Christmas Craving
“I’ve known Lanie for two days.”
“That doesn’t matter, does it?” Lauren shot back. “Not if you both are on the same page.”
“She’s ten years younger than me,” I said.
“I’m older than Kristina,” she reminded me. “And you’re certainly both old enough to know how you feel. So tell me what this is really about, Celia.”
Lauren was using her domme voice now, and despite my own alpha tendencies, I found myself wanting to obey her.
“I’m scared,” I said in a soft voice I didn’t even recognize. “My parents had a shitty relationship. Growing up, I didn’t know anyone who was happy. I learned early on that love doesn’t exist, not for people like me. What if it doesn’t work out between me and Lanie?”
“What if it does?” Lauren challenged. “Don’t you think you deserve happiness? You already know what doesn’t work in a relationship, that’s half the battle.”
“She might not be interested in anything else anyway. We technically only agreed to have a Christmas fling,” I said, although my mind immediately flashed on the memory of her looking downtrodden when she was walking Arthur. That was the look of a woman who was sad and heartbroken, not someone who’d had a casual fling end early.
“Or she might be interested in everything you can give her,” Lauren said. “Love doesn’t come around every day you know. It’s a precious gift. Now put on your big girl panties and figure out how to fix this.”
“It might be too late.”
Lauren made an impatient huff. “I had no idea you were such a quitter.”
“I’m not.”
“Okay then, make a plan.”
Lanie
I’d only spent one night with Celia, but apparently it was enough to ruin my ability to sleep alone. Even having Arthur curled up by my feet didn’t help. I spent the entire night tossing and turning in Amy and John’s guest room, staring up at the ceiling and trying to figure out what had happened.
I’d finally called Amy, telling her the whole sad story, but she was as clueless as I was about what happened with Celia.
“Fuck her,” Amy said succinctly. “John says she’s a cold fish anyway. We’ll find you a much better girlfriend when we get back.”
I was being ridiculous really. Sure, we’d had sex a few times. Hung out together and had fun. That didn’t mean that we were a couple now. I was probably just an easy distraction. Celiamentioned how annoyed she was that she wasn’t allowed to work during her firm’s holiday break, and her BDSM club being closed only added insult to injury. She didn’t seem to have a lot going on in her life, so even as different as we were, at least we had some fun together.
Then again, she’d said being with me was a waste of time. So maybe she didn’t like me as much as I thought she did. Maybe I was just this annoying girl with an equally annoying dog who glommed onto her when she just wanted a quick one night stand.
I couldn’t help to wonder about this Club Surrender she belonged to. I wouldn’t mind going there and checking it out, especially with Celia, but when I thought about the way she’d turned off all her emotions that first night, it made me think that maybe the club was a distraction for her as well, not really something she was into. Or maybe she was into it but just kept a clear line between her activities there and her personal life, such as it was.
She hadn’t mentioned any family, and she wasn’t spending the holidays with them, so I was pretty sure either they were dead, or she was estranged from them. That wasn’t that uncommon in the LGBTQ community, making me glad that my parents had accepted my coming out to them like it was no big deal.
I sighed, thinking of my own family, hanging out together on that holiday cruise that I couldn’t afford to join them for. Sure, my parents had volunteered to pay my ticket, but I was a grown woman. If I couldn’t pay my way, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t mind too much really, knowing I was going to spend the holiday with Amy and her husband, but now that option was gone too.
I sighed again. It was fine. Arthur and I would just have our own little holiday. Being alone wasn’t the end of the world, right?
I woke up on Christmas Eve feeling uncharacteristically out of sorts. I couldn’t even bring myself to wear one of my fun holiday shirts, instead dressing all in black like I was going to a funeral. Being told you’re a waste of someone’s time had a way of crushing your Christmas spirit.
After gulping down some coffee, I put on Arthur’s harness and took him for a long walk. The streets were buzzing with last minute shoppers and people preparing for their holiday activities, which only made me sadder.
It figured that I finally found a woman I really liked, someone I could imagine myself having a future with, and she didn’t want to be with me.
Then again, it wasn’t like we were dating, I reminded myself. We’d hung out a few times and had sex. That was it. We hadn’t talked about dating or anything else. It was just that everything had felt so natural between us. I’d felt this immediate connection to Celia, and a level of comfort that I didn’t normally feel with anyone except my best friend Amy. It was like we’d known each other forever somehow.
I thought it meant something, but it didn’t. She’d woken up from our nap together acting like I was a guest who’d overstayed my welcome. I’d been surprised. Hurt. But it was fine. I’d just do my best to avoid her until Amy and John got back after New Year’s Day.
I’d just returned home from taking Arthur for his second walk of the day and was debating putting a frozen pizza in the oven when I heard a knock on the door. Thinking maybe Amy and John had sent me a package or something, I threw open the door, hoping to find chocolate. I needed large quantities of chocolate.
My mouth dropped open in shock. It wasn’t chocolate.
