Page 18 of Christmas Craving
I debated for about ten seconds before I said, “Yes, actually I have a lot of things to do. I wasn’t planning on sleeping away the afternoon with you and wasting so much time. I need to get busy.”
I was a liar. I had exactly zero things to do. There was a flash of hurt in her eyes that disappeared so quickly I thought maybe I’d imagined it.
“Okay then, thanks for… hanging out. I’m sorry I wasted so much of your time.”
God, I was being such a bitch, but somehow I couldn’t help myself. I needed to protect myself. I needed to stop this ridiculous fantasy of a happily ever after before it was too late.
Lanie jumped up off the couch and tapped Arthur, waking the puppy up.
“Come on little dude, it’s time for us to motor. Celia has very important things to do.”
I’d never heard her voice be so dull. Meanwhile Arthur woke up like someone had pressed his ‘on’ button, leaping off the couch and heading for the door.
“Have a good night Celia, and if I don’t see you, have a nice Christmas.”
They were gone before I could find the words to make them stay. I wandered around my condo restlessly, wanting to do something but unsure what it would be. Instead I just paced back and forth, alternating between telling myself I was smart to protect myself and that I was an idiot for kicking out the only woman I’d ever loved.
I was such a mess.
A while later I was standing by the window, staring at the street when I saw Lanie exit the main door with Arthur, no doubt taking him for another walk. She seemed a little hunched over, her sadness telegraphing itself even from several floors away.
With a deep sigh, I found my phone and texted my friend Lauren. We’d met at Club Surrender when she helped teach my “Intro to Being a Dominatrix” class and while we didn’t spend a lot of time together, she was the closest thing I had to a bestie.
Celia: Hey, how’s it going? Are you busy?
Lauren: I’m good. Kristina and I are getting ready to head down to Portland tomorrow to spend the holiday with family, but I’ve got time. What’s up?
Celia: I met someone.
Ten seconds later my phone rang. I grimaced. I hated talking on the phone.
“Hello?”
“Tell me everything,” Lauren demanded.
I sagged to the couch, realizing I needed to talk. I told her the whole story from beginning to end, and Lauren listened without interrupting.
“Have you talked to her since you kicked her out?” she asked when I stopped.
“No, it was a few hours ago,” I said. “And I didn’t kick her out. She asked if she should leave and I said yes.”
“Semantics,” she said dismissively. “Now tell me what’s really going on? We’ve been friends for years and you’ve never mentioned any woman you’re dating. Not once.”
“Because I don’t date,” I said. “I play at the club, have the occasional one night stand, and that’s basically it.”
“What’s special about Lanie then?” she asked. “It sounds like you two got closer in two days than most people do in months.”
When I started listing all of her positive attributes, Lauren interrupted me with a laugh.
“No, I mean, why is she different for you?” Lauren asked. “What is it about her that has you riled up enough to ask me for advice?”
“I don’t know. It’s like the instant I locked eyes with her, I felt something shift inside me. Like things were out of place, and then they all slid together with her in the center stabilizing everything. It was almost like she was the missing piece of the puzzle or something.”
I paused, grabbing my hair and giving it a hard tug.
“I know it sounds ridiculous. Maybe I’m having a fever.” I moved my hand to my forehead, but it seemed to be the normal temperature. “People don’t fall in love this fast. This isn’t some stupid movie.”
“It doesn’t sound ridiculous,” Lauren said softly. “I felt that way the first time I saw Kristina, like something had shifted inside and I’d never be the same again. And I wasn’t. It was love at first sight.”
