Page 141 of Unexpected Forever
I keep walking, somehow knowing where I’ll find their final resting place, in spite of the fact I haven’t been here in twenty-five years.
It’s as though the wind at my back is leading me.
A chill runs down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck rises. The quiet, sprawling field around me isn’t a peaceful quiet anymore.
“Just get this over with, Gentry,” I mutter under my breath.
I find the double headstone with my parents’ names in elegant, clean letters. Shoving my hands into the pocket of my jeans, I stand there, reading their names and the date they died over and over, my gaze snagging on the fact their death date is the same.
What had I expected to feel? I’m sure the numbness in my chest isn’t what I’m supposed to feel.
But at the moment, it’s all I have.
It seems I come by my nickname Iceman naturally.
A part of my mind wonders who paid for the funeral and the burial plots. Even before my parents fell into the addiction trap, they weren’t the type to plan ahead for death. They were more live for the moment sort of people.
Looking back with the wisdom of an adult, it isn’t all that much of a surprise they let the life of sex, drugs, and rock and roll destroy them.
I sit on the granite bench next to their graves. The stone is cold and hard, an ironic metaphor given the situation.
For the first time in more years than I can remember, I let the memories of my childhood play in my mind.
Memory lane is officially open.
The bitterness I carried in here with me dissipates some when I think back to my first memories.
“I’m sure you expected me to come visit before now.”
There’s no answer, no rebuttal. Nothing but the wind.
Goose bumps pop on my skin, the eerie quiet heavy in the winter air.
“The fact is I had no desire to be here for you guys. Why should I? The last few years of your life, you weren’t there for us.”
A ball of emotion is lodged in my throat, and as hard as I try, I can’t swallow it away.
“We were just kids. I was only ten years old when you ran your car head-on into that wall. At least when you were alive we had the hope you’d both get better. But you performed the coup de grâce by taking that hope away from us too, then left us to Aunt Cathy and Uncle Jim, who you knew didn’t like kids. I had to learn how to be an adult before I barely had the chance to be a kid. And Megan…” I shake my head. “Well, she’s amazing, and you know what? I did that.”
Tears blur my vision as I stab my finger into my chest hard a couple of times just to make sure I can still feel.
Long, cold skeletal fingers of betrayal have a solid grip on me.
When the wind kicks up again, I close my eyes and lift my chin, the cold air drifting across my face.
Out of nowhere, a distinct memory hits me, and my eyes pop open. The force of it slams into my mind, taking my breath away and leaving my heart pounding so hard, a heart attack seems imminent.
What a headline that would make.
Former Bull Sharks catcher Nate Gentry found dead in a cemetery next to his parents’ headstones.
Fuck that,I’m not going out like that.
But the long buried memory has to play out. It’s why I’m here. To face the past.
And this memory feels important, like it was a catalyst to something I should know.
I stare at their graves, but I don’t see them. My mind has rewound, over thirty years in the past where I’m crammed in the backseat of dad’s old Mustang. Even at only five years old, I was tall for my age and never had enough room for my legs.
