Page 139 of Unexpected Forever
They’re forever locked in our minds and hearts to visit when we need them.
For the first time in a long time, comfort and safety in my childhood home surrounds me while Mom holds me.
It’s a cleansing I didn’t know I needed.
When my sobs subside to sniffles, Mom leans back and blots her eyes with a tissue. Her smile is watery as she pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, but her voice is strong, steady.
“Charley, you need to know that I wouldn’t change a single thing about my time with your dad. I’m glad I didn’t know our life together would end tragically and too soon. Could I have missed the pain? Sure. But I also would have missed out on an entire season of my life. The season where we created a family out of a deep, once in a lifetime love.
“I know your dad dying at such a young age has led you to believe you have to keep your heart intact by any means necessary. You think it protects you from never feeling hurt, abandoned, or less deserving of love. But nothing could be further from the truth. You deserve all that and more. And there’s no protecting yourself from those things. If we could, we wouldn’t be human.”
Her hand cups my cheek and I lean into it. “If your dad were here physically, he’d tell you how proud he is of you and how he loves you more than he could ever express.”
My bottom lip trembles and my chest feels heavy. “How do you know that?”
The smile she gives me rivals the sun, and the air around her practically glows. “Your dad’s always with me. I can’t see him, can’t feel his touch, but his presence is here. Every day.”
She clasps my hands in hers. “Life is better off letting it play out the way it sees fit, instead of some sort of reality you think it’s supposed to be.”
Her gaze wanders down to my burgeoning bump, where the beginning of the next Reynolds generation grows, then meets mine again. “If you could dictate how your life would play out, do you believe you’d be where you are now?”
Since I’ve carried a piece of Nate and me around for nine months, I can’t imagine not having this baby. The thought stops my heart cold, and the aching in the pit of my stomach that threatens to overwhelm me returns with a vengeance.
“No, I don’t think I would.” I rub my hand over my belly protectively, as though to keep Nugget from hearing this conversation. “Because I pictured a big wedding, a solid career, and then having two point three kids.”
One side of my mouth quirks up. “Of course, in that scenario, at my age right now, I’m married to a man who’s working his way up the corporate ladder and comes home every night. I’d be building my own career.” I pause. “And that sounds boring as hell.”
She chuckles. “Instead, you fell for a man that sets your soul on fire but is complicated. Both with his heart and his career.”
Sitting back in the chair, I blow out a breath. “Complicated doesn’t even begin to cover our situation. Besides the job situation and living in different states, there’s the fact that he has family trauma. Trauma I can’t fix for him.”
My heart clenches in my chest, even while a new emotion seeps in.
Anger.
“He talked about how he didn’t do family—whatever that means—and yet, he kept telling me he was all in. But when the time came for him to be all in with me, he pushed me away instead. Unilaterally made a decision that affects not just him, but Nugget and me as well.”
Mom eyes me over the rim of her mug. “And you didn’t do any pushing of your own, right?”
Leave it to Stella to take the wind right out of my sails. I sigh, knowing she’s right.
Again.
“Yeah, I know I did. And now I know why. I’m still angry he didn’t talk to me about his contract before he signed. But…yeah. I know now I wasn’t forthcoming with him in the ways he was with me.”
“You had your reasons, Charley. It doesn’t make it right, on either side, but love has a way of making us lose sight of good judgment sometimes.”
“That’s the understatement of the century.”
To my dismay, my eyes fill with tears again.
Son of a bitch, I can’t wait until my hormones go back to normal.
She smiles and kisses the back of each hand with a smacking sound, like she used to do when I was a kid to make me giggle.
My mom still knows how to make me smile through tears.
“Life’s about taking chances, Charley. Letting go and trusting the journey of life. You’ll end up exactly where you are meant to be when you’re meant to be there.”
