Page 135 of Unexpected Forever
Sitting on the edge of the sofa, she faces me, her eyes so much like my own. They’re so full of concern and love it’s hard to look at her.
“Nate, you always protected me growing up.”
“It was my job to protect you, Megan.”
“Hush and let me talk, okay? You always made sure I never felt neglected or saw the bad things. You took the brunt of it all. Dad’s temper and Mom’s hateful words.”
My gaze snaps to hers, my eyes wide. “How did you know about that?”
She looks away and shakes her head. “You protected me from it, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t know what was going on. I heard them yelling. I knew we were just kids that needed parents and ours weren’t there.”
Her gaze comes back to mine, tears shining in her eyes. “You were just a child too. But you were so brave. You made sure we always ate and I brushed my hair. I remember you pushing the chair up to the counter and standing on it to make us peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches.”
The mention of peanut butter makes me think of Charley, and the tightening in my chest makes me feel like I’m suffocating.
“I don’t know how you did it, but I never went hungry and I was—am—so thankful. But Nate,”—she takes my hand in hers—“you’ve let our past taint your future. You have the biggest heart of any man I know. But you’ve kept it locked away for so many years. Even from me.”
“How? I’ve always tried to take care of you.”
She smiles. “Yeah, you have. You made sure I had money and clothes and all. But you stayed away from me for years. I saw you more on the TV than anything else.”
“Megan, you know I did that to protect you from the media following me around everywhere.”
“And you didn’t think I could handle it? You think I cared?”
“I cared! Those people make up shit, take pictures they shouldn’t. I knew that was part of the gig for me but it wasn’t for you.”
“I know,” she says forcefully, “and I love you for that. But this is part of what I’m talking about. You keep your heart and yourself locked away from those you love, thinking we’re all better off for it. But I’m here to tell you, we’re not better. It’s not enough just to have bits of you. We need all of you.”
Her voice cracks on the last word, and tears spill onto her cheeks. I pull her into me, and her shoulders shake with sobs.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and my throat grows thick with emotion. “Megan, I’m so sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“I know,” is her muffled reply before she sits up and wipes at her tears.
“Nate,” Darcy says, leaning forward, “I won’t pretend to know what it was like for you growing up in your situation. But I do know this.”
She pokes a nail into my knee. “I’ve known you a long time. I’ve seen you with women over the years. You always looked bored. You smile more when you’re around Charley than I’ve seen you smile in a decade.” She tilts her head. “Except at Thanksgiving when you were all up in your head trying to figure out how to screw this all up.”
I frown. “Do I really never smile?”
“You’re not called the Iceman for nothing.”
“Look, man,” Lucas begins, “you love the girl and she loves you. If you want her, fight for her. I can promise you, if you don’t, youwillregret it.” He holds up a hand. “And before you ask how I know, it’s because I let the one get away from me.”
Darcy and I turn to him, wide-eyed. “You had the one?” she asks.
He nods and looks away. “I met her back in January. But this isn’t about me.” He looks back at me. “Just know you’ve got a chance some of us will never have. You can’t blow it on some idea you got in your head when you were a kid. You’ve got to take a chance.”
Megan lays her head on my chest, just like she did when we were kids. “I’ve done you a disservice, Nate. I should have told you years ago all I ever wanted was my big brother around. I mean, sure you had your crazy schedule to deal with, but in the off-season we could have hung out, gone on vacation together, made our own memories.”
She lifts up and leans away from me, but her eyes, still shiny with tears, are hopeful. “We can’t change the past, but we can make the future different. We have so much to look forward to. You’re having a baby! And with a woman I love like the sister I never had. I’m getting married to an amazing man who actually lovesmethis time, not as a trophy wife. Let’s change the family tree, Nate. Break the cycle of abuse.”
There’s the tiniest bit of lightness in my chest at her words. It makes me question the decision I made years ago to keep my heart under lock and key.
A decision that did the one thing I tried not to do.
Hurt the ones I love.
