Page 64 of Tormented Bastard
There was no playful tone or dancing eyes to his plea, as if he was saying it just to get to me. No, the only thing I saw in his eyes was hope.
Damn it, it would have been easier to tell him to shove it if he were joking around. But that hopeful look tugged at my delicate heartstrings. Not to mention, he was just too damn close to me.
I stepped back. “Fine. Five minutes. Say what you need to say.”
“I love you.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I said I love you.” He closed his eyes and thumped his head back on the door. “That’s not the first thing I wanted to say, but as usual I can’t seem to think straight when you’re so close to me.”
Join the club, buddy.
He opened his eyes and looked down at me. “The first thing I wanted to say was I’m sorry. I acted like a total asshole the day you left. And while it doesn’t excuse my behavior, I need you to know why I acted that way.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and lifted a brow. “Go on.”
His gaze wandered down to my breasts for a second before snapping back to my stare. “God, you’re just so…stunning. I can’t think.” He ran a hand through his hair, and I had to steel myself against any more compliments until he said his piece. “I was scared. Plain and simple. Relationships with people I love have never gone well. And whenever I fall for someone, or even get the notion that I’m falling for someone, I hear my father’s voice in my head telling me I’m going to hurt them just like I did my mother. It’s why I didn’t fight for you, for us, all those years ago. I thought that since I’d eventually hurt you somehow anyway, I was going to let you go before that happened.”
He blew out a breath and looked out over my head. “And with everything that happened with Heather…it just reinforced what I’d always been told since I was fourteen years old.” His gaze came back to me. “That I was a selfish bastard that didn’t deserve to be loved.”
My heart broke for the young boy who’d not only lost his mother he’d adored, but then was made to shoulder the blame from the one person left that should have protected him. I wanted to reach out and hug him and the man he’d become. The good man he couldn’t see he was. My fingers tightened around my biceps to keep from throwing myself at him. Because I needed more. But I also wanted to offer some comfort.
“Chase, you didn’t kill your mother. Or Heather.”
He nodded and looked down. “I know. But I’ve lived with his voice in my head for so long, it’s almost comforting in a weird-ass way.” His head lifted and he looked me in the eye. “But then you came to the island, and you knocked me to my knees. You were in that skirt and heels and I wanted you so badly, but at the same time, you reminded me of New York and all the reasons I’d left the city behind.”
I tilted my head, my brow furrowed. “And yet, here you are. Why?”
“I’m here for you. Because of you, Eden. I’m fighting for you this time. I’m fighting for us. I don’t want to live in that house all by myself anymore. I don’t want to go another day without waking up with you next to me.” He moved closer, and for the life of me, I couldn’t move. I was mesmerized by that deep baritone of his voice.
“I love you, Eden. I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to show you that. In fact,”—his lips curved in a smile—“I started going to therapy.”
My eyes widened. “You did?”
“I did. I’m not fixed or totally healed. But I’m working on it. Because I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to be with you. You make me want to be a better man, Eden. The kind of man you deserve, though I’m not sure any man is good enough to deserve you. But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be. If you’ll let me.”
Tears blurred my vision, and I focused on the red tie. I ran a hand down it, the warmth of his skin radiating through it, his heart beating fast underneath it. “I’m scared too, Chase. I can’t be hurt by you again. I won’t survive it.” I looked up at him and found his stare full of love and hope. “How do I know you won’t hurt me again?”
He lowered his forehead to mine and lifted his hands to my hips. “Love is full of ups and downs, hurt and happiness. I can’t guarantee that I’ll never do anything that will hurt you. But I can guarantee that I will love you for the rest of my life, and if I do hurt you, I’ll do whatever I have to do to make it right. We’ll work it out. There’s no more running, no more pushing each other away.”
I bit my lip to keep from bursting into tears. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted from you, Chase. To have the chance to love each other through the good and the bad. Because I love you too.”
He brought his hands up to cup my face. “Eden, it’s always been you. I’ve been lost for the last eight years without you. I don’t want to be apart from you again.”
“Then don’t.” I yanked on his tie, bringing his mouth to mine, and kissed him. As he was prone to do and which I loved, Chase slanted his mouth over mine and took over the kiss. He spun me around, my back against the wall as his kiss turned those tiny wildfires into a blazing inferno. My hands roamed over the fabric of his suit, searching for purchase.
He pressed his hard body into mine, and I wanted him to take me right there up against the door. As I started to unbutton his suit jacket to push it off his shoulders, his phone pinged from his pocket.
We broke apart, our chests heaving. “That’s our cue,” he said.
My head was foggy, and I just wanted more of him. “What?” My head cleared and my eyes widened. “Oh my God, I don’t have my phone. What time is it?”
He chuckled. “I told Katie to text me when it was time for us to head down.”
“Katie knew you were here?”
He nodded with a grin. “Yep. By the way,”—he pointed at my hair—“you might want to check your hair before we head down. You look like a woman who was almost fucked against the door.”
