Page 54 of Tormented Bastard
My heart stopped and my jaw dropped. “You love me?”
He nodded, but the look in his eyes was sad, resigned. “I realized it soon after we met. I thought it was just lust, you know? But after we slept together that first time, I knew without a doubt that I was stupid in love with you.” He dropped his hand from my face and looked away. “I tried to convince myself over the years after we broke up that it was just a college thing. We were young. It would have never worked once we graduated.”
He started to pace again, running a hand through his hair. All I could do is stand and watch him, stunned.
“But no matter where I was, what I did, you never left me. You were always on my mind. No matter who I met, no matter how many women I had. It was just a temporary respite from thoughts of you. Even with Heather, I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew better and I still did it.”
He stalked over to me and held my shoulders. “Can’t you see it, Eden? I choose me every time. I did it with my mother, I did it with you, and I did it with Heather. And I can’t do it to you again. You deserve so much better than what I can give you, than what I’ll eventually do to you. We both know it.”
I raised my hands and laid them over his on my shoulders. “Chase, I love you too. I never stopped either. Yes, you hurt me once, but I’m willing to try this again. With you. I want us to be together. You deserve love too, Chase.”
He stepped back and looked at me with cold eyes again. “No. I don’t deserve it. I never have. My father was right. What kind of person deserves love when all they think about is what they want in life? If I hadn’t defied my parents’ rules and gone to that party and ended up with flu, my mother would still be alive. If I hadn’t married Heather knowing I didn’t really love her, we never would have been in that car and she’d still be alive. Her family would still have her. If I didn’t have such a need for validation, we never would have been in the accident.”
His voice broke on the last word. But his eyes were steady on mine, and what I saw there shattered my heart. He really did think he was a hopeless case. The one thing that would help him was the one thing he wouldn’t do.
“Chase, those things weren’t your fault.” I stepped toward him. “Don’t give up on us.”
He just stared at me for several seconds, his hands jammed on his hips. Those green eyes held shadows and secrets that I could only guess at right now. But after a few moments, they hardened and turned cold.
Without an answer, he went over to the windows and opened the room-darkening shades. It wasn’t a sunny day, but the storm clouds were gone, and the wind had died down to a mere sea breeze. He turned back to me.
“You can go home now, Eden. The weather is cleared. The bridge is back open, and Katie has your new flight scheduled for tomorrow.”
I opened and closed my mouth in shock. Then his words registered. “You called Katie? You want me out of here that bad?”
“You can get back to New York and your business.”
“That’s not fair, Chase.”
His eyes narrowed on me. “Oh, so you’re telling me that you came here to reconcile with me? To tell me why you ran out and didn’t speak to me for four years? Didn’t return my calls?” I opened my mouth, but he held up a hand. “Don’t bother, Mitchell. Tit for tat. I left you, you left me. Now we’re even. Right?”
Tears filled my eyes and my vision blurred. “No, I—”
“You what, Eden?” He lifted his arms out to his side. “You only came here to get something from me. Am I wrong?”
I swallowed, panic clawing at my throat. “No, you’re not wrong. But all it took was spending time with you to remember what I was missing. And that was you, Chase.”
He shook his head and looked at the floor for a moment before looking back at me. “This was just sex, Eden. Remember? All we do is hurt each other. We’re no good for one another. You deserve so much better than what I can give you. And all I want is to live out my days without worrying whose life I can fuck up next.”
My stomach dropped to my feet, and my head was light. “But you said you loved me.”
“I do. But it isn’t enough.” He shook his head. “It just isn’t enough.”
I wiped the tears that started down my cheeks with a hard swipe. “Fine. You want me gone, I’ll go.” I walked up to him and poked him in the chest. “I know what this is, Chase, and you’re wrong. Love is enough, you’re just too scared to see it. Too blinded by fear and some misguided notion that your father planted in your head and poisoned you with when you were still a kid. And it makes me sad for you.”
I straightened my shoulders. “I love you, but I won’t wait for you. I won’t keep putting myself out there for you. Yes, I ran four years ago because I didn’t want you to hurt me. And yes, I came here with only one thing in mind—to secure you as a speaker.” I cleared my throat. “But it only took seeing you again to realize that I made a mistake, we’ve made mistakes. But there’s something here between us that no matter what has happened, doesn’t go away.”
I paused, waiting to see if anything I said got through to him. He stared at me for a beat.
“Aubrey offered to drive you to Tallahassee when you’re ready to go.”
I laughed without humor. “Well, you just had this all worked out, didn’t you? Wow. You’re right about one thing. You can be a real bastard.”
He lifted his arms out to his side. “I told you what I was, Eden. You’re just finally seeing me for who I am.”
I nodded slowly and picked up my phone. I didn’t have anything else in the room to take with me. I was leaving a piece of my heart and soul here, but other than that, there was nothing else for me here.
“Okay, well. I’m out of here, then.” My heart was in a million pieces.
