Page 34 of Tormented Bastard
Midnight Workout
Eden
I’d dreamed of this very scenario more times than I cared to count. The day when Chase told me that he missed me, that he was stupid for agreeing to our breakup all those years ago. After he got married and even more so after Heather died, I didn’t think it was a scenario I’d ever see played out.
But here we were, and I didn’t know what the hell to say.
It wasn’t how I’d pictured it would go. I thought at the very least I would profess my love and he’d sweep me off my feet, giving me mind-blowing, toe-curling orgasms again. Instead, I was tongue-tied and frozen to the spot.
Chase leaned in closer, and my eyes slid closed, my heart beating against my ribs in anticipation of his kiss that I knew would weaken my knees the way they always had. When after a few seconds his breath stirred against my lips but his didn’t touch mine, I opened my eyes.
His green eyes were a mix of so many emotions that I couldn’t keep up. But the ones I saw the most were regret, desire, and heartbreak. There was a war inside Chase that he fought every day and no one that could help him. He’d convinced himself he was to blame for everything that happened. It was a god-awful burden to carry, but he wouldn’t let anyone help him lighten the load.
His gaze flicked down to my lips and back up before he stepped away. The rough calloused hands cupping my face had heightened my senses, and I missed the warmth of them when he dropped them to his side. He was out of my reach again, physically and mentally.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” He stopped talking for a moment, fisting his hands at his sides.
When his gaze met mine, anger sparked from them. “Once upon a time I’d jump for a chance at something like your charity ball. Anything for that limelight. Anything to look like the hero to you, see if I could win you back. But now?” He shook his head. “I can’t face it now. I’m not willing to put myself out there for you or for the paparazzi to tear me apart again. I also won’t let them put these people in the spotlight. These are good people here. I won’t subject them to that.”
Panic and hurt licked at the edges, but I grabbed on to the one thing I needed to focus on. “I promise, that won’t be an issue. I’ll have extra security, whatever you need.”
His sigh was deep and laced with swear words he muttered under his breath. “No. I’m sorry. I can’t.”
Pain danced across his face. It was torture for him. I didn’t realize when I came here the extent of the favor I was asking of him. How could I ask him to go back to the city where the memories were so painful, he couldn’t recall the good ones?
God, I was a shitty person. It wasn’t his fault I’d fucked up. I couldn’t ask him to step back into the fray just to save my ass. And yet I still wanted to convince him. What was wrong with me? The lines of what I wanted and what I needed started to blur, leaving me confused as hell.
I slid my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and blew out a slow breath. “You know what? This is wrong of me. Now that I know all of this, I can’t in good conscience ask you to do something like this.” I sighed and smiled, even though panic was now my new best friend. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” His voice was tight, as though he were trying not to lose it.
I nodded slowly. “Okay.” I picked up my beer bottle from the coffee table. “Well, I need to go get some work done.” I smiled, this time a genuine one. “Thank you for dinner, especially since it was my favorite.”
The tension in his shoulders relaxed a little. “It was my pleasure.”
“And thanks for letting me stay here. I know this isn’t easy for either of us. But I do want to thank you for putting me up.”
His gaze met mine, earnestness in those depths. “Eden, I would have never let you stay somewhere that would be dangerous for you. I…” He stopped and looked away for a moment then looked back at me. “Anyway, you’re welcome. Let me know if you need anything. And don’t forget to stay away from the windows.”
“Thanks, I will.” I turned and slowly made my way up the stairs, weighed down by disappointment in myself and the whole situation. In my room, I shut the door and leaned against it. “What am I going to do now?” I asked the empty room.
Not only was I still without a speaker, but all of those feelings that I’d sworn to everyone—including myself—I’d never feel for Chase Hanover ever again came roaring back with a vengeance. All I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and never let anyone hurt him again.
While I never knew what I was going to get when we came face to face—the grumpy, tormented bastard or the one that remembered my favorite beer—I knew the real Chase. The one I fell in love with. He was kind, generous, and would help anyone in need. For his own wife and teammate to treat him the way they had pissed me off. Shame at being pissed off at a dead woman followed on the heels of that feeling, but there it was.
I sighed and watched the storm outside the window for a few moments. It was beginning to get dark outside, darker than it already was, signaling night was approaching. It was a little scary to think of all the things that were blowing around out there and the storm surge that was sure to be rising. Add in the thunder and howling of the wind and I was sufficiently freaked out.
I changed into some night clothes and settled into bed. I needed to work, at least check in with Katie, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I tried to read for a little while, but my mind kept wandering to Chase and the way he’d looked when he told me his story. Television held no appeal, so I just turned out the lamp and turned to face the windows.
I don’t know how long passed while I thought back to the things he told me and the way they’d been told in the media. It made my heart ache to know that in reality Chase had been the victim, but he’d been vilified. It was easy to do when the other party was dead and couldn’t refute the statement. Although, from what I knew of Heather before and especially now, even if she’d lived, I doubt she would have stood up for Chase if it would have given her more attention.
And Ty Richardson. God, what a prick. I’d met him once at a party years ago, and he’d drunkenly hit on me and every other woman there. I wasn’t surprised to find out he’d been a player in all of this. Because if anyone should feel guilty about how that scenario had played out, it was that asshole. But knowing how he was, I was positive he didn’t feel one ounce of regret or remorse.
Maybe he’d be a better baseball player if he wasn’t going around screwing other guys’ wives.
It also explained why Chase had reacted so vehemently when I made the dumbass remark about Aubrey. God, I was such an asshole.
I tossed and turned for a bit longer, dozing off here and there. At around one o’clock, I’d had enough of lying in bed. I flipped off the covers with a huff and swung my legs to the side of the bed. I stretched, trying to relieve the knots of tension in my body. I felt about ninety years old.
