Page 69 of Trouble Me
The younger Kavanaugh shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and sighed. “You remember Dr. Krist.”
“I do.” Shane nodded toward the doctor. “He’s looking well. Seems to have bounced back.”
Colin dropped his head and looked at the floor. Tension rolled off him in waves, putting Shane on alert. Next to him, Dr. Krist put his hands behind his back and sighed. “Over the last few hours it appears that your father has been experiencing what you might call a surge.”
“A surge? What does that mean?”
“Some patients with terminal illnesses experience a burst of energy, a surge if you will, before they pass on. They appear to be on the mend. They sit up and engage in conversations. They become very introspective about life, that sort of thing.”
It was as though someone had reached in and gutted him. If he thought the pain was unbearable before, what radiated through his body and landed in the center of his chest right now nearly brought him to his knees. He blew out a breath to combat the nausea that set up camp in his stomach. “Well, how do you know he's not just getting better?”
“We’ve been monitoring him closely and will continue to do so. But medically, nothing has changed.”
Shane glanced over his shoulder. A smile played on Alan’s lips as he flipped through the pages of the magazine. Shane turned back and narrowed his eyes at the doctor.
“No.” Shane shook his head hard and his hands sliced the air. “No way. Look at him. That’s not what this is. He could be improving. Right? Isn’t there a chance of that?” His heart pounded against his chest in hard thumps and breathing became a colossal effort. There was no way the indomitable Alan Kavanaugh was going out on a surge.
“Shane.” Dr. Krist’s eyes were kind and full of apology. “Your father’s treatment stopped working. His scans show the cancer has metastasized. He decided to forgo any and all other treatments. It took a tremendous toll on his body, and it didn't work. He chose not to continue. There's nothing more we can do.”
Pain and desperation clawed at Shane’s throat. This couldn't be happening. Not so fast. Shane narrowed his eyes at the man across from him. “Then explain to me how the hell that man can sit there, looking like he is getting better.” Shane paced, his hands in his hair. “I mean, he looks like he can stand up and walk right out of here without a wheelchair.”
Dr. Kris sighed. “In my forty years of medicine, I've seen what your father is experiencing once or twice. It's unusual. But each time it ends the same.” He shook his head. “Unfortunately, Shane, he's not getting better.”
“But—”
“Shane, stop it.” Colin lifted his head. His tone was hard but heartbreak left shadows in his eyes. “Dad’s doing exactly what Dr. Krist is saying. Laughing, talking about what’s important in life. He’s talked a lot about mom. Things I’ve never heard him talk about.”
Shane set his jaw and looked down the hall. They were right, but he didn't like it.
“The thing about a surge,” Dr. Krist said, “is that we don’t know how long it will last. We aren’t even really sure how it happens to begin with.” He looked between the two of them. “So, if you have anything you want to say to him, now’s the time to do it.”
He glanced into the room before addressing them again. “I’ll let you two go see him now. For what it’s worth, Alan is a fighter. I’m sorry there isn’t more we could do.” He looked as though he wanted to say more, but instead, turned and walked away.
The two brothers’ eyes met. In that moment, Shane let go of the resentment and Colin was simply his brother. They were family. As one, they reached for each other and held on. Shane squeezed his eyes closed, his stomach dropping to the floor, wishing things were different in just about every aspect of his life. But now wasn’t the time for tears or wishes for what could never be.
If what the doctor said was true, there would be plenty of time for regrets later.
Shane clapped Colin on the back and pulled away. He cleared his throat before he could speak. “Let’s go in and talk with him for a while.”
Colin put his hands back in his pockets. “You go ahead. I’m going to go call some of the family. Update them on what’s going on. I’ll be in soon.”
Shane studied his brother’s eyes, so much like his own. He was giving him time to say his goodbyes alone.
Shane nodded and held out a fist. “Thanks, brother.”
Colin bumped his fist. “No problem.” With his hands in his pockets, Colin walked down the hall, his shoulders drooped, and his usual quick gait lacking energy.
Shane ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He turned back to the room and found Alan staring out the window.
“Hey, Dad. Still want to talk?”
Alan lifted his head off the pillow and turned toward Shane. He patted the bed next to him. “Come sit by me, Shane.”
He crossed the room and gingerly sat next to his dad, memories of sitting with the old man on his knee when he was just a small boy flooding his mind.
“So, tell me about the woman.”
Shane’s eyes widened. How the hell did hestillknow everything on the other side of the country while fighting cancer? “The woman?”
