Page 52 of Trouble Me
Emma’s stomach did a long, slow roll, and for a moment, the coffee she’d just consumed burned at the back of her throat, threatening to come back up.
Shit. Shit. Shit. His late wife had been an addict?
She was royally screwed.
Unaware of her shocked state, Shane strode back over to the table where she sat and dropped back down in the chair, where he continued. He sighed heavily. “I’d known Marlene since we were kids. We’d been friends for a long time. Her mother was the manager of the restaurant in our flagship winery, and Marlene would come in and help her sometimes. She was a fireball who would burst into a room and scorch everything before leaving. But she changed after college.”
His voice was a heartbreaking mix of sad, resigned, and weary. “Our relationship was something I never expected.” His mouth twisted in a wry smile. “Of course, I might have, if the sum total of our time as a couple lasted longer than six months. In that short time, we dated, got married, started divorce proceedings, and had her funeral.”
He looked away and ran a hand through his hair. An errant lock of dark hair fell over his forehead. Emma’s gut twisted over the agony that showed in his body language. “It was such a whirlwind, I didn’t have time to see she was addicted to heroin until after she’d persuaded me to ‘put a ring on it’, as she’d been fond of saying. When I found out, I tried to help her. She’d go out with friends and end up in the ER, on the verge of overdosing. Every time, I tried to send her to rehab. She just laughed and refused.”
Emma closed her eyes briefly. Although heroin hadn’t been her drug of choice, she could remember her family trying to help her. And how she’d laughed in their faces. She’d spend the rest of her life regretting it.
Shane continued, his eyes glazed over with a look that said his mind was in the past. “After a while, she said she grew tired of what she deemed my ‘stick in the mud ways’ since I would never join her shooting up. It would piss her off because I rarely even drank with her.” His gaze sharpened and slid back to Emma, a frown marring his handsome mouth. “It became obvious she hooked up with me because of who I am.”
Emma agreed, but stayed silent. As an addict herself, she figured Marlene would have used Shane’s money and power to stay high.
He shrugged. “Anyway, she found a guy who would shoot up with her anytime she wanted. Before long, she asked for a divorce. Two days before we were set to make the divorce final, I stopped by her apartment to pick up a few of my things, and found her and her new boyfriend in bed. Both overdosed.”
Her heart ached for the man across from her, a man she cared for far more than was prudent. A man who had a history of being screwed over by a woman who hadn’t been too terribly different from her. Well, the old her, but it was a fight she fought daily. And always would.
“Oh, Shane. I’m so sorry.” She laid a hand over his, her thumb rubbing back and forth. He turned his hand over and wound their fingers together. Staring down at their joined hands, he spoke, his voice low and gruff.
“It’s been two years since she died, and I still feel like I failed by not saving her. I loved her, but not the way a man should love the woman he’s married to. I mean, we’d been friends for years. But after the initial shine wore off, we were more like friends with benefits. Benefits that dropped off like a stone a week after we’d eloped.” His broad shoulders slumped slightly and his eyes met hers. Pain mixed with regret swirled in those blue depths. “Honestly, I’m not surprised she asked for a divorce. It was inevitable, and not because she had issues, but because we wanted different things. But she was a human being, and a good one when she wasn’t high.” His other hand fisted on the table. “I just wished I could have helped her.”
“Shane, people who are in the throes of active addiction don’t believe they need help. There was nothing you could have done for Marlene.” Emma desperately wanted Shane to understand that there was nothing he could have done for his late wife. For a drug addict, feeding that beast was always the number-one priority.
She leaned closer to him, her eyes intent. “Addicts think they’ve got it all under control. It isn’t until they lose that control and their lives become so unmanageable and they hit bottom that they realize they have no control at all. It’s the first of the twelve steps.”
Shit on a shingle. Nothing like giving herself away. Tampering down the panic crawling at her throat, she kept her face impassive. His eyes held hers, and she prayed he didn’t see too much. The man could read her like a book most of the time.
“You seem to know about the subject.”
Avoidance. It still came easy. “Addiction isn’t picky. My dad was in Gamblers Anonymous. The first step is the same.”
When he nodded and looked back down at their hands, she exhaled quietly and guilt tore through her. Avoidance and deflection. Yeah, she still had those down cold.
The ironic thing was that she could give him truthful comfort, even if he wasn’t convinced. But it was clear that if she wanted to work for KVN, even if she and Shane were just short-term lovers, she would have to make sure her past never made it to Shane’s ears.
