Page 44 of Hellcat Barbies: Imani
“Your son? Yeah, your son is fine. Your son is a sweetheart,” I say, wearing the term “your son” out because what the fuck.He has a got damn child!“His daddy ain’t shit for keeping him a secret though. I thought we had something. I don’t know; I thought we were building a real relationship. Shit! I’ve told you everything about me but you didn’t think I deserved to know that you have a whole-ass-son?” I fire off, expecting him to come back at me with some bullshit but he doesn’t.
Daymir isn’t giving me what I’m giving him. My anger is in direct contradiction to his somberness. He’s muted, standing still, and not saying a damn thing. In disbelief, I glare at him, trying to get a rise, but nothing. He merely shakes his head then slumps his shoulder.
“So, you have noth-thing to say?” I ask and he’s still fucking muted. “You know what? Don’t. Don’t answer me; don’t tell me why you stood me up. Don’t tell me about your son and whatever else you’re keeping from me. Just don’t say shit. I was wrong, obviously. I thought we had something but I guess I was wr-” My words are cut off when he hooks his strong arm around my waist and pulls me into him. “Daymir, let me go,” I say but the force behind my words seems to have vacated in his arms. I try to shake free for added effect but truthfully, I don’t want him to let me go.
“Nah,” he finally speaks. “It’s not like that,” he sighs then leans in. He rests his forehead on mine. “Yes. He is my son but I just found out yesterday. His mom, my ex, showed up with him and his grandma. She was pregnant when I got locked and she dipped and ain’t say shit. I didn’t know where the fuck she went and I didn’t care. But had I known she was carrying my child, I would have kept up with her. And she would have been good.”
He lifts his head briefly then sighs so heavy I feel that shit.
“She’s fucked up on that shit and he needs me. I found out yesterday. I got him yesterday and I had to make sure he was good. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I was so caught up and in shock. This hit me out of the blue, fast, and hard. Yea, I fucked up last night, but you gotta know it’s because I was blindsided. I would’ve never kept my child from you or anybody. I’m not that type of nigga. I take care of what’s mine and my responsibilities and I want you as mine. Check this, what we have is real and what I want.” His hand cups my chin then he continues, “This shit, us is now. We have something, not had.”
His eyes peer into mine, finishing his plea with them. The problem is I’m not sure how to respond. So, I ask questions instead because I have several. This situation definitely breeds questions; I just don’t know where the answers will me...us.
“Where is she? Is she here?” I ask and his entire face contorts.
He wasn’t expecting that. It’s clear he wants a response to us but I can’t answer him, not yet at least. This is a lot for him and his son. Where I am with it or even us are not his priority, his little boy is.
“No. She left this morning for rehab but according to her grandmother this isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. His grandmother is who had DJ for the last few years. Sheloves him but she can’t take care of him anymore. Real shit, she never should have had to in the first damn place. He’s mine; my responsibility,” he says and I feel for him and DJ. I also love his already full commitment to his son.
This is how all fathers should be.
His son needs him. I can’t even imagine what DJ’s gone through and he’s currently going through. Sounds like his grandmother has been his life-saver and the only real home he’s had. Being taken out of that and being away from her has to be hard, an adjustment, and a complete shock. Hell, it has to also be the same for Daymir. This situation is complicated and adding me to it would only compound things.
“What you are doing is so special and that sweet little boy needs you, all of you. Look at last night. I got pissed thinking you stood me up and it wasn’t even that. It was your son, a little boy that needs stability, consistency, and a parent who’s present. Not one who’s running to apologize to a woman he’s trying to get with.”
“Get with? We’re already together,” he refutes.
“We’re just getting together and this is a lot. I don’t want my needs to interfere with his,” I sadly admit then place my hands on his chest. “Take care of DJ. Figure ya’ll out. You don’t have time for me right now.”
“I have time for anything that I want and that includes you,” he counters but I shake my head then step back, out of his arms.
“But you don’t. You dragged that baby over here with his food because you needed to talk to me. Daymir, that’s too much. Look, if we have what I think we have, I’ll be here when you have settled with him.”
My words sting and taste bitter as they fall off my lips because the last thing that I actually want is time apart from him. I spazzed out and I hopped in my ride when I thought he ghosted me. In the brief time that we’ve been together, I’ve developed feelings. He brought a joy and peace in my life that I’ve been missing since I lost my brother. Our quick an unusual meeting led to the beginning of a beautiful relationship in my eyes. This big fun, sexy ass black man has me captured in the last thing I wanna do is be apart from him, but I know this has to be done.
I notice a change in his eyes then he shifts one foot over the other and sighs. His eyes stay planted on me as he slowly shakes his head.
He knows I’m right.We are not the focus anymore, building a bond and making sure DJ is okay is. As much as both of us might hate to admit this we need a break.
“And what if I don’t want this shit, a break?” he finally asks seriously, eyes still peering into my soul.
“I don’t want it either but,” I begin and he’s back in my face and space.
“Then, let’s not do that.”
“You and I both know we have to. Just until you and him adjust. Adding me will be too much for him,” I plead. “I’m going to be here, waiting.”
“Let me make sure then,” he says before pecking my lips.
Then, he walks off, leaving me to wonder what the hell he means. I turn my head and watch as he journeys to my door, open it, step inside, then walk back out a minute later. He presses my button on the wall next and my garage door starts to close.
What the hell is he doing?
He returns to me, grabs my hand then leads me closer to my ride. He backs me up against it, then wraps his arms around me. My eyes look up to his serious ones and I squint them, silently questioning him.
“DJ is knocked out. If you’re forcing me off you, then-”
Not liking his choice of words, I cut him off. “I’m not forcing you. Don’t say that,” I snap.
