Page 16 of This Heart
“Is she? Still mad?”
Nathan shrugged. “You’d have to ask her that, Liam.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what in the fuck I’m doing anymore, Nathan. I feel like I’m losing control of everything. My business, my daughter, my life. I just keep hearing Hope’s voice repeatedly in my head at the end, and I’m reminded of the impossible things she asked of me.”
“What did she ask of you other than no daycare or stranger watching Winnie?”
Looking at him, I frowned.
“You don’t have to tell me; it’s just that you never said. Whatever the hell she said to you has fucked with your head like I mentioned to you a few weeks ago.”
Exhaling, I shook my head. “It was that and she said some shit to me that I can’t help but wonder if she was right.”
“Like?”
I looked up at him. “She said she felt like I didn’t take care of her like a loving husband should have. That she knew every day that I woke up, I wished I had divorced her before I found out about the cancer. I mean, it’s not a secret that I didn’t go through with the divorce because she had cancer, but I swear to you, Nathan, I tried so fucking hard to be there for her. Everyone thinks I’m brokenhearted, and that is what feels worse. I’m not brokenhearted. I mean, I never wanted her to die, but she wasn’t the love of my life, and seeing people give me that look of pity just pisses me off because it makes me feel like fucking shit that I didn’t love her. Maybe I could have done better. Maybe she didn’t beat the cancer because I didn’t love her anymore, and she knew that. She knew she didn’t have anything else to live for besides Winnie. Which then makes me think was her own daughter not enough either?”
His mouth fell open then snapped shut. “That’s bullshit, Liam.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “The crazy thing is, after months of thinking Aurora was trying to take her place with Winnie, Hope told me to lean on Aurora, that she would help with Winnie. I know that she was most likely just upset that she couldn’t take Winnie places, and Aurora stepped in a lot, but so did many other people. She just decided to single out Aurora.”
More guilt because I didn’t have the balls to tell him my wife had picked up on my feelings for his sister.
“Anyway, I made her a promise out of guilt. Now I feel like I’m going back on that promise.”
“Liam, she wasn’t thinking clearly at the end, which is obvious. It was a stupid ass thing to promise and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.”
I nodded.
“She didn’t ask you not to fall in love again, did she?”
Closing my eyes, I shook my head. There was no way I was going to tell him that moments before Hope died, she asked me to promise her I wouldn’t fall in love with Aurora. So I lied.
“The opposite. She told me not to be afraid to fall in love again.”
“Have you?”
I shook my head. My reason for dating wasn’t what he thought. “I miss the touch of a woman, but am I ready to date? No.”
“You’ll know when the right woman comes along. You know, you could just hook up with someone one night. It would be nothing but sex.”
I shook my head. “My hand can do the same thing.”
“Dude, I didn’t need that mental picture.”
Laughing, I smiled. “Right now, I have to figure out what to do with Winnie. I don’t want to keep Jake and Opal here any longer. They deserve to get on with their life.”
“I can help out at The Muddled Moose anytime you need me to until you get things straightened out.”
“Thanks, Nathan, I appreciate it. I can work from home, and Jeremy or Alex can keep an eye on things if I’m unable to be there. I’ll figure it out.”
“That’s a great idea. Jeremy and Alex are both great managers. The front and back end are well taken care of with those two.”
The sound of Winnie laughing caused us both to turn and see Jake carrying Winnie. “I’m weady for bed!”
“Nate!” Winnie cried out as she reached for Nathan. He immediately took her and kissed her cheek, causing her to blush and bury her face into his chest. Jake and I both laughed.
I stood. “Do you want Uncle Nate to help put you to bed?”
