Page 56 of Girl, We Go Together
He was pacing now, running both hands over his head while muttering curses.
“You make me do this shit, Cayla! Always in my face, always trynna make me the bad guy!”
The anger snapped through me like lightning. My fear twisted into fury. I snatched the first thing I could grab, a glass vase filled with flowers from the dresser, and hurled it at him. It shattered against his shoulder. Water and dying roses sprayed everywhere.
“Don’t you EVER put your hands on me again!” I screamed.
He came at me fast, grabbing me by both arms, shaking me so hard my teeth rattled.
“Haven’t you realized by now that I do what the fuck I want to do? You don’t tell me shit!”
I struggled, clawing at his arms while yelling for him to let me go, anything to get free. Oriana’s wails filled the whole house, but Orion didn’t stop.
“Orion, let me go! You're hurting me!” I gasped, panic mixing with rage.
For a second, his grip loosened, just enough for me to shove him back. He stumbled into the nightstand, knocking over a lamp. The crash echoed through the room, both of us breathing hard, glaring at each other like enemies. My cheek throbbed, my arms ached, and my heart pounded so loud I could barely think. But one thought rose above it all: this man didn’t love me. He wanted to own me and break me. And I couldn’t let him. I thought he would want a round two from the way I pushed him, but once he caught his balance, he just stared me down and shook his head up and down. He walked out of the room, and once he was gone, I ran to Oriana to soothe her.
“Okay, baby,” I said in a low tone as I rubbed her back while rocking her from side to side.
She had shitted up her back, and I knew it was from all the crying she had been doing. I grabbed her things and walked into the bathroom to clean her up real quick. Once I had her cleaned up and fed, I sat with her in my arms as I propped myself against the headboard. I knew she would go back to sleep because she was sleeping through the night now. She would have still been sound asleep if Orion hadn’t come into the house, starting his bullshit.
After I put her to sleep, I carefully took her back to her bassinet. I needed to shower myself. Behind the closed door of the bathroom, I let myself have a good cry in front of the mirror. My cheek was red from the slap. I had spent more time in the shower than I probably wanted to, but the steam, the water, and the silence were what I needed. When I had made it back to theroom, I got comfortable in bed, and before I knew it, I had dozed off.
I blinked my eyes for a while to adjust to waking up in the middle of the night. That was how I knew I wasn’t happy in my situation. I was never the type to have a broken sleep pattern. I looked over at the alarm clock on the nightstand and saw that it was five thirty in the morning. The room was dark except for the glow of the streetlight bleeding through the blinds.
Orion was beside me, sprawled across the bed, breathing deep, sleeping like a man without a care in the world. Like he hadn’t laid hands on me hours ago. I didn’t even know when he had come to bed, but I knew he had some damn nerve to lie beside me like everything was okay. I lay on my back, eyes wide open, cheek still tender where he slapped me.
Every time I blinked, I saw his face twisted with rage and his hands gripping my arms. Oriana screaming in the background played in my head. I reached for my phone on the nightstand, needing a distraction. I needed anything to get my mind away from the space it was stuck in. That’s when the text came through.
Stacy: Hey, Cayla, I wanted to let you know that my daughter has officially moved out. She transferred to a university in Florida . I tried to clean up behind her as best as I could, but her cat did a number on that carpet. When do you want to meet, so I can give you back the keys?
I sat up slowly, reading it twice, three times even, to make sure that I wasn’t tripping. The apartment I had subleased years ago was now available again. This had to be a sign from God toleave. This was an open door. A chance. I turned my head to look at Orion. His mouth was slightly open, with his body dead to the world. He looked so peaceful, so harmless in his sleep. But I knew better. I felt the bruises blooming on my arms and felt the sting still on my face.
I bit my lip hard, fighting the tears, fighting the weakness. I could take Oriana, pack up, disappear, and go back to the apartment. My apartment. He’d never see it coming. No more screaming, no more slaps, no more tiptoeing around his moods, and no more feeling unappreciated and undervalued. I’ll have a space for just me and my baby girl to be safe. My thumb hovered over the keyboard as I typed back.
Okay. Thank you. Can you meet me tomorrow?
I hit send before I could second-guess myself. My hands were trembling, but for the first time in months, I felt a flicker of something I thought I had lost. Hope. I lay back down slowly, careful not to wake him. He stirred, turned over, and draped an arm across my waist like nothing had happened. My skin crawled under his touch, but I stayed still. I lay with eyes open wide in the dark. I hoped he didn’t feel my heart hammering under his arm. He had no idea that tomorrow would be the start of me being done, for real this time.
The second Orion left the house, the energy shifted. He kissed Oriana on the forehead, grabbed his keys, and mumbled something about taking inventory at the club. I plastered on a smile, nodded, and waited until I heard the door click shut behind him. Then, I moved. My heart was racing as I went straight to Oriana’s closet, pulling down bags and stuffing them with what I needed most: diapers, bottles, wipes, and herclothes. My hands shook, but I didn’t stop. Every sound felt like it echoed, like he’d come busting back through the door at any second. I kept glancing at the crib, at my baby girl kicking and cooing softly, completely unaware that her whole life was about to change.
“Shhh, mama,” I whispered while folding her favorite blanket and sliding it into the bag. “We're almost outta here.”
After packing up her closet, I grabbed her and then went to my room. I grabbed my important stuff: my birth certificate, Oriana’s paperwork, my ID, and a few changes of clothes for myself. I didn’t take much. I didn’t want him to notice right away. I just needed enough to get by. Every zip of a suitcase, every creak of the floorboards felt dangerous, but I pushed through it, adrenaline keeping me sharp. When the bags were packed, I lifted Oriana from her bassinet.
Immediately, her little head nuzzled into my neck. Tears burned in my eyes, but I blinked them back. This wasn’t the time to cry. I had to be in survivor mode. I strapped her into her seat and left her in the living room while I did multiple trips to my Jeep with our bags. When the last bag was securely in the trunk, I closed it and then rushed back into the house for her. Another sign from God that it was time for me to go was that the camera had died last night, so it had been charging. I was leaving, and he had no heads up.
I slipped out of the house quietly, locking the door behind me like it was just another errand. Stacy was waiting downstairs with the key, just like she promised. She pressed it into my hand, her face curious, maybe even concerned, but I didn’t explain. The bruise on my face was so damn easy to see, I just thanked her and kept moving. Twenty minutes later, I was standing in front of my old apartment. When I got Oriana down for a nap, I figured that I would go downstairs for our bag. Not having a damn elevator was so damn tiring after lugging Oriana and herdiaper bag upstairs. When I made it to the sixth floor, I just stared at the apartment number. 6C. I had so many memories in this house. The door opened with a creak that sounded like freedom.
I set Oriana down in the middle of the living room on her blanket and dropped onto the couch. Looking around, I noticed that the carpet was dingy and worn-looking. I was thankful that when I subleased to Stacy and her daughter, I left my furniture here as part of the agreement. My couch had scratches all over, I assumed from the cat Stacy said her daughter had. The place reeked of cat, but it was mine again. I looked around at the walls, at the scratches on the couch, and even at the balding carpet, and I felt a sense of relief. This space was mine again.
Chapter 20
Orion
Iknew something was off the second I pulled back up home. The house was quiet, too damn quiet. There were no baby sounds, no Cayla humming like she always did when she was cleaning or cooking. I stood in the foyer for a bit and listened to the silence. When this nagging gut feeling came, I climbed the stairs, skipping two at a time. I went straight to our bedroom and saw that the bed was made, and the space was quiet. Next, I went to Oriana’s bedroom and checked the crib. And it was empty. Her closet door was slightly open, and when I pulled the door, I saw that it was cleaned out, and a couple of bags that were on the top shelf of the closet were gone. My chest tightened. I snatched my phone out of my pocket and called Cayla, but there was no answer. I breathed deep and then called again. My hand tightened around the phone as the ringing played out in my ear. No answer.
“Man, what the fuck…” I muttered while pacing the room.
