Page 45 of Girl, We Go Together
“She’s early,” Cayla whispered in a hoarse voice, “but she’s here. My little girl is fighting.”
The nurses had taken Oriana to the NICU so Cayla could get some rest.
Zynea’s eyes shifted to me. “And where were you, Orion? Huh? While she was stressing and carrying your child, where the hell were you?”
I sat up straighter in the seat and jumped to my own defense. “Don’t come at me like that. I was there for her whole pregnancy. I got her here, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, you were there being problematic. I’m sure the stress from you is what caused this shit. If Cayla hadn’t been strong enough, God knows what would’ve happened. You don’t deserve to even sit in this room.”
Brandi stepped forward. Her tone was syrupy, and her eyes flicked between Zynea and me.
“Y’all, chill. This ain’t the time. He’s the baby’s father. He has a right to be here.”
Zynea whipped her head toward Brandi. “Brandi, don’t start. You're always finding a way to defend him.”
Cayla turned her face to the window. I was sure trying to ignore the back and forth of it all, but I saw silent tears slide down her cheeks. That cut deeper than anything Zynea could have said to me. I can only imagine what she had been sharing with her friend group over the past year. Luckily, Cayla hadn’t had the chance to fill the girls in on the incident that had us sitting here. I was sure I would never hear the end of it when she did. I tried to speak, but my throat was dry, so I cleared it before opening my mouth.
“I know I fucked up in the past, but that’s my daughter in there fighting. I ain’t leaving her or Cayla.”
Zynea rolled her eyes as she took a seat on the edge of Cayla’s bed. I could tell that Zy was trying to lighten the mood for Cay. Whatever she was saying to her was working because Cayla was wiping her tears away, and a smile spread across her face as they engaged in small talk.
“You just need somebody who understands you, Orion. Don’t let them make you feel like you ain’t good enough,” Brandi whispered in my ear as she put her hand on my shoulder.
Her gesture was soft, like she was on my side, but the touch sent a chill down my spine. This was the wrong time and the wrong place, but I didn’t move her hand. And from the corner of my eye, I saw Zynea catch it. Her glare could’ve burned a hole straight through both of us. Zynea’s glare lingered on me, but even more on Brandi’s hand resting too close on my arm.
I saw the deeper meaning behind Brandi’s statement. I dropped my shoulder so her hand would fall off. Cayla giggled at something Zy said, and that made me smile a bit. The machines hummed around her. Although her face was pale, her smile could light up a nigga’s world for real. I hated myself for being the reason she was in this bed. I hated myself for being the reason our daughter had arrived a whole month early. She was already growing slower, and now she was out of the womb unexpectedly, all because of me.
“You better step up,” Zynea snapped, her voice low but sharp enough to cut. “Cayla doesn’t need stress. She needs peace, and if you can’t give her that, then step the fuck aside. Maybe another nigga will come along and treat her the way she’s supposed to be treated the first time around.”
I clenched my jaw, biting back the words I wanted to spit. She wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t about to let her talk to me like that.
“I’m not goin’ nowhere,” I muttered. “That’s my daughter. This is my family. Y’all are gonna have to get used to that.”
Zynea’s stare narrowed even more. I could tell she wanted to add more, but instead, she turned back to Cayla, smoothing her hair and speaking softly, like only a sister could.
“You just focus on healing, sis. Don’t worry about anything else. We got you.”
I sank back into the chair and sighed. I hated this place that we were in. Nobody said it out loud, but I could feel it; the room was choosing sides. I caught Brandi looking at me again, her eyes soft in a way that wasn’t innocent. I knew that look. She'd been throwing it for a minute, but now it hit different. She wanted me. And part of me, the part that was weak and selfish, liked knowing a nigga was still him.
But then I looked at Cayla and felt like shit for even letting things come to this. The IV she was attached to, along with the monitors, because her pressure had spiked while giving birth, was doing something to me. Her belly was still swollen, that belly that had just brought my daughter into this world too early. Then I thought of my little twin. My genes were strong as fuck. OJ was the spitting image of me, and here came Oriana, my other twin. I knew that in no time, she would have me wrapped around her little finger. She was so tiny and fragile in that incubator down the hall. That’s when it hit me… Brandi’s attention didn’t mean shit. Not compared to this. Not compared to them.
I rubbed my hands over my face, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. I had to do right. For real this time. No more lies, no more sneaking around, no more reckless shit that put Cayla under stress and my baby in danger. I couldn’t lose them. Not to the streets. Not to another man. And damn sure not to my own stupidity.
Brandi shifted closer, like she could read my thoughts, but I kept my eyes on Cayla. She might not be talking to me right now,but I swore to myself that she was going to see a different Orion. I just had to make her believe it. Even if I didn’t know how yet.
Three months. That’s how long it’s been since the night everything flipped on me. Since I damn near lost Cayla and Oriana in the same breath. Now, looking at my baby girl and how far she had come from being so damn little had me beaming with pride. Man, I ain’t never felt nothing like it. She was stronger than the doctors even thought she’d be. Every little coo, every smile, it hit different. She was the reason I wanted to be better. Her little face made me feel like I could be better.
As for me and Cayla… we still had a long way to go. She doesn’t forgive easily, and I didn’t blame her. But she lets me be here. She allowed me in her space, and for that, I was thankful.
She let me show up in any way I could. I was present for those shitty diaper changes and those long nights when Oriana cried like the world was ending. And truth is, I need that. I need them. The authenticity they both brought was starting to ground me into being a family man. And not the one I thought I was before. A family man who was actually present. It’s been good lately. Our drama being nonexistent set a whole different vibe to the house. A vibe we shared when we first started dating.
I wasn’t running outside every chance I got. I hired a manager for the club and even fired T’asia’s ass. She wasn’t the best employee anyway, so letting her go for her lateness and attendance was a breeze. I had started to become a homebody, which I had never been before in my life. But most nights? I was home, rocking Oriana to sleep. Or just up watching Cayla breathe softly beside her if they had fallen asleep before I got in. And that… the naturalness of watching Cayla step into mothermode had me seriously thinking that we should lock things in officially. Oriana had my last name, and I badly wanted to add Cayla to the Blackwood crew. For once, I felt like I had something worth losing.
Cayla had been looking tired lately, so when she said we needed a few things from the supermarket, I offered to go, but she quickly shot me down. She said she needed some time for herself, and I respected that. I had read how postpartum could affect women after giving birth. I was walking on eggshells around her because I didn’t want anything to put us back in the space we had been in. I didn’t want to do anything to make her look at me the way she used to.
On my days with OJ, I had even started taking him out instead of bringing him to the house. Personally, I felt like Cayla still hadn’t healed from that Mello shit, and I didn’t want to do anything to overstimulate her. Shenell wasn’t too happy about that shit, but I paid her attitude no mind every time I dropped him back off.
When Cayla started tossing on clothes, I didn’t protest. I let her go because she obviously needed space by herself. I tried to take Oriana off her hands as much as I could, but I could see now that even that wasn’t enough. As she scurried out of our bedroom and down the stairs, I just sat on the bed with Oriana in my arms. I grabbed the remote and turned on some ESPN while I waited for her to return.
