Page 60 of Skinwalker's Bane
Her heart gave a little squeeze. “I should hope so,” she said lightly. “I’m good at strategy. Ishouldbe good, or I’m in the wrong profession.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Her heart jumped again. “Tell me what you mean, then.”
“Haydn Forney—my director at the Institute—told me I should stop seeing you.”
An invisible hand grabbed her throat and it hurt to breathe. She couldn’t swallow. She tried to draw in a breath and it felt cold. “Why would he say that?” Her voice was hoarse.
“It doesn’t matter. Well, it does, only right now, I don’t care,” he said forcibly. “Do you know why I became a skinwalker, Devin?”
She shook her head. Adam didn’t talk about himself a whole lot. She knew his parents had been Capitolinos and his childhood had been completely average. That was all.
Adam plucked at the tufts on the bed cover. “I was told that it was impossible to become a skinwalker, that only the best got picked and I wasn’t one of them.”
Appalled, Devin stared at him. “Who told you that?”
“My father.” Adam shook his head. “He meant well. He was trying to shield me from disappointment, because it is true—very few people out of the hundreds who apply each year ever get selected.”
“That’s part of the appeal, isn’t it? Only the best are chosen—just as your father said.” She considered him. “Your father said don’t bother, so you did it to spite him?”
“It wasn’t to spite him. It was to prove him wrong, I think.” Adam frowned. “No, it was more basic than that. Someone had told me ‘no’, so…” He shrugged. “I was picked on the very next selection round. I’m not sure who was more shocked, me or my father.”
Devin didn’t smile. “And now someone has told you no, again,” she finished, seeing where he was taking the conversation.
Adam nodded. “That’s why I’m sitting here, watching you. I’m trying to figure it out. I’ve never much liked being told no and this time, it’s like a huge blob in my chest, locking things up, so I can’t think.”
Devin pressed her lips together. “I don’t know if I appreciate the idea of being the object that you use to say no with.”
“I wouldn’t either, if I were you.” Adam smiled. It was a tiny movement of his mouth. The fine line between his brows deepened. “That’s what I can’t figure out. Did I come here tonight, where you are, because I wanted to be with you, or because someone had told me I shouldn’t? I just don’t know. I can’t separate them. And I don’t want to. I want you in my life.”
Her heart bounded. She made herself sit still and not react in a way that he could detect. “I don’t know why you’re not on shift right now. It must have been something serious and if Haydn spoke to you about me straight after that, then it had something to do with me, didn’t it?”
Adam jerked, as if he’d touched raw energy. “Damn, you’re good,” he breathed. His brow wrinkled again. “Indirectly, it was about you.”
“I’m no good for you, being a Palatino and a politician.” It was a guess, but an educated one. Everything—including Adam’s sudden stress—pointed to that.
He dropped his head. “I warned you this would be complicated.” His voice was muffled.
“Would you really ruin your life over me, just because someone said no?”
He lifted his chin again, sending her a sharp look. “Why does everyone assume you would be the kiss of death for me?” he demanded. “Even you’re doing it.”
“OfcourseI’m doing. Tonight was a warning, Adam. People resent that you’re with me. I can’t change who I am. I don’twantto change that. I want to change the ship, instead, so that this stupid nonsense goes away and people are free to lead their lives anyway they want. I want people to never be afraid to say or do what they want, the way you are right now.”
“I amnotafraid,” he said stiffly, his voice low.
“You’re angry,” she said, nodding. “That’s just a reaction to the fear.”
“If there’s anything I fear, it’s losing you!” he cried.
The words hung between them.
Devin stared at him. She didn’t want to move in case she disturbed the moment and what he had just said disappeared.
Adam pushed his hand through his hair. “That’s what I mean,” he ground out. “I want you. I want you in my life. I knew that even before Haydn opened up his bloody great mouth. You and I…we’resoalike—”
She laughed.
