Page 36 of Mongrels United
Grady nodded.
Still more words. He squeezed his fists. “It was the looks I got. Just from people in the Esquiline, those who figured out what was going on. I’d see their looks, and I’d…my gut would clench, so I couldn’t eat. And I couldn’t look them in the eye, because they knew. My father, the great and last Skinwalker, couldn’t manage to be a real father…and all this time it was thefucking Bellish doing it.” His fists slammed the table with each hard word.
Grady didn’t even flinch.
His eyes ached. He panted, trying to rein in the words, to make them stop. “Shit…” he breathed.
She nodded. The movement was barely there.
“You knew all of it, anyway,” he whispered. His throat ached like he’d screamed himself hoarse.
She stirred. “I can access any records on anyone on the ship, yes. But in this, you’ll have to trust me. I didn’t dig that deep, Nash. I never go deeper than I have to. That’s…it’s rude.”
Hedidbelieve her. Not that it mattered. She’d just seen the worst of him. He put his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. Breathed.
“I’ve done a lot of research on Bellish,” Grady said, as if he was looking at her, as if he wasn’t hiding his face in shame. “Long before today, it was on my radar as something to watch out for, because it has the potential to tear the ship apart. I have access to unique resources, including archival records from the aftermath of the Leroux Raid. I know that people who use Bellish…they’re not themselves, Nash. They don’t know how to be normal, or even nice. Their entire worldview is dominated by two needs: the need to hide that they’re using Bellish and the need to get the next dose. Without exception, every single user hates themselves for what they’ve become.”
It was a depressing fact, but it was exactly the right thing to say. Nash could feel the tightness in his chest give way. The tension unlocked. Had she known to say exactly that, in that dispassionate, non-judgmental tone?
He sat up again. He still couldn’t look her in the eye, though. “We have to get this shit off the ship, Grady.”
“We do.”
“I can help.”
“You can help by telling me everything about your father, so we can look into his life, sift through what the records don’t tell us—”
He shook his head and realized that he was looking at her, after all. “No. I want tohelp you finish this. You need me, and not just for stupid interviews about my father. I can tell you all you need to know in four words, anyway. He was a bastard.”
She opened her mouth to say no, again.
He beat her to it. “I know people you don’t. I know channels and back corridors and conduits. I know all thewrongpeople, the people who wouldn’t give you so much as a smile from one side of their mouth, if you go at them. But for me, they’ll talk.” He paused. “I have access to unique sources, too.”
Grady got to her feet. It looked as though she was simply going to walk out the door, but she stopped by the end of his bench, her head down, gazing at her shoes. “I know you don’t like this, but the biggest help you can give me is as Nason Wheelock’s son.” She lifted her chin. The brown eyes locked with his. They weren’t cold. They weren’t full of false sympathy, either, which let him gaze calmly back at her. “You knew your father all your life and you didn’t know he was using Bellish. All the wrong people you know…”
He knew what she was going to say. He nodded.
So did she. “You don’t know them as well as you think you do,” she finished gently. And she rested her hand on his forearm, just beneath the rolled-up sleeve of his shirt.
It was meant as a gesture of empathy. He knew that. But his flesh seemed to ripple beneath her touch. He felt it in his toes. His gut tightened. His heart tried to climb out of his chest.
It was all he could do to ride it out and not reach for her.
Her hand lifted away. His skin felt cold, where her fingers had rested.
“Get some sleep, Nash,” she murmured.
Then she was gone…and he could feel the emptiness she left behind.
He looked around the bar room, at the decorations and facilities that he had once been so pleased about. The room looked tacky. Worn from too many feet, stained from spilled drinks and more. Aged and tired.
Nash closed his eyes. “Damn…” he breathed.
Chapter Fifteen
Kailash was out of bed and dashing about the kitchenette when Grady woke the next day. She couldn’t recall the last time he’d beaten her out of bed. He even had her favorite coffee printed.
She sat on the stool and sipped silently, trying to slough off the lack of sleep and bring her thoughts into order. She’d slept very little last night. Normally, she could go a couple of days being severely short on sleep, but this morning it felt as though her brains had been pushed through an air scrubber and come back with missing molecules.
