Page 58 of Casualties of War
His eyes burned as he drew the lungful of air in and held it, then let it out. Then they stung.
Nick blinked hard. “Fuck…” he whispered, as the tears betrayed him. His mortification was complete.
Duardo dropped his arm. His hand rested on Nick’s shoulder. “It’s only me,” he said kindly.
Nick drew in another shudderingbreath. “I want to kill him, Duardo. I want to put my hands around his neck and squeeze until his head pops off. I want to see the life go out of his eyes.”
Duardo nodded. “You must get in line for that.”
“I can’t just do nothing.”
“You can go back to the house and help there.”
Nick drew in another breath. Itwashelping. He could feel a measure—a tiny sliver—of calm ease his chest. He pressedthe heels of his hands against his eyes, grinding the pathetic tears away. “I can coordinate with you from the house.”
“No,” Duardo said. “Minnie is running things there, now. You report to her and you do what she says.”
“Minnie?” Nick repeated, his voice hoarse.
Duardo held up his hand, to cut Nick off. “If you want to help, you can help. You don’t make any decisions, though. Do you understand?”
Nick stared at him.
“It will be hard for you. I know that,” Duardo said. “You’re used to doing things your way. If you give into your natural inclination, you will weaken us all. You must become a grunt, a good little soldier, who does what he’s told. It is the only shield we have against Serrano.” He paused. “You areel leopardo.You know how to operate on your own. You may even think that ifyou agree with me, now, you can set up for yourself later. A guerilla black ops team, perhaps. You have the skills and the resources to do it. Only, it would be playing into Serrano’s hands. By taking Calli, he has shown he understands us better than we gave him credit for. So you cannot act as you would. You can’t be predictable. You can’t be yourself. Do you understand?”
Nick couldn’t bringhimself to say a word. To agree would be to hand over Calli’s fate into the hands of others.
Duardo nodded, as if he could read Nick’s thoughts. “Iwillget her back, Nick. You must trust me, now, and let go.”
The helplessness raged in him. Nick’s eyes burned again. “Promise me,” he said. He couldn’t raise his voice above a murmur.
“I promise, Nicolás Escobedo. I will get her back for you.”
Nick hung his head, defeated.
