Page 34 of Vistaria Has Fallen
“You don’t go everywhere, though.”
“I go where I’m needed.”
“I don’t think you’re needed here.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
Calli’s spine, her whole body, rippled. That response and the aching, throbbing need pouring through her also tripped off her anger. Shedidn’t like how her body longed for his touch when her mind had decided differently.
“Nick, stop playing with me. I don’t need this.”
He glanced around, a casual look. Calli knew he checked for eavesdroppers. Witnesses. Everyone appeared busy doing something else—talking and drinking. Eating. A little pocket of space separated Calli and Nick from them.
“Sit down,” he told her.
“No.”
“Sitdown,” he repeated. “This is one of the few places where you and I can talk in comparative security and by God, we will talk.” He pushed a hand through his hair. “Wemusttalk.” His tone was insistent.
She sank onto the chair next to the one his boot pushed against, facing him. As she sat, Minnie came over and handed her a glass of punch and moved away again. She seemed to be part of the unspokenconspiracy to give them with total privacy right in the middle of a rowdy party.
“We already talked, I thought,” Calli said, with a sigh. “You said nothing could ever come of this. I believed you.”
He straightened up his chair, lifting his foot away from the other and leaned toward her. “I meant what I said.”
“Then why the lily, Nick? I know you put it there.”
He studied her face, as if heabsorbed the details, memorizing them. “Call it a supreme moment of self-torture,” he said at last. “A moment of weakness.”
“Do you know how insecure I feel knowing that despite locked doors you can invade my room while I sleep? I can’t fight you off when I’m sleeping.”
He nodded a little. “It won’t happen again. Not unless you invite me.”
“I will never invite you.”
“It’s better that way,”he agreed. He reached out toward her face and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. His warmth radiated against her cheek. Her heart jumped.
“Don’t,” she said sharply.
“I said you had an uncrushable spirit. I was right.” He withdrew his hand and clasped it with the other, the double fists hanging between his knees. “I wanted to apologize. For the lily, for Friday night. You said I playedwith you and I’m sure it feels that way. It was simply...weakness. I have faced down rabid generals and armed guerillas in my time. You, though are something I’ve never had to battle. I faltered. It won’t happen again.”
In her gut, she knew he spoke the truth. After this day, he would go away and leave her alone. She would never feel the touch of his chest beneath silk, or his hand cupping herhip.
Calli shivered. He sat inches away from her. She could reach out and touch him, only he would not allow it. The discipline, the iron will, had realigned themselves. He would resist his own weakness and fend off hers.
For the sake of Vistaria.
“Okay,” she said with a sigh. “Alright.” Abruptly, the enormous, bone-deep, energy sapping tiredness returned. She managed to smile but it came outcrooked. “I believe you.”
Something must have shown in her face. He shook his head. “I don’t know who Robert is, but right now I’d like to kill him. It is he who has planted the shadow of doubt in you that makes you think you’re not whole and complete, that you aren’t enough.”
She jumped. “How do you know about Robert?”
“You mentioned him once. You said you haven’t felt anything since Robert,then you stopped yourself from saying more.” He leaned a little closer. “Only, I saw you dance just then. You were whole, vibrant and alive. Yes?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“That is something Vistaria has done for you, I think.”
“Not Vistaria,” she said.
Then the world grew very bright and very hot. Something shoved her from the left. It slammed into her head. She felt no pain. She felt nothing.
Then, even her sight faded.
