Page 114 of As the Years Pass
“Have you ever thought that your worries have nothing to do with me being a man and everything to do with you losing someone again?”
“What?” falls from my lips before I can even think about it.
He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he lets it out.
“Your parents. Me. Leslie,” he says slowly. “Maybe me again.”
A heavy weight settles on my chest and I can’t breathe.
I can’t fucking breathe.
“It’s okay to be afraid, Adam, but it’s not okay to hurt people because of it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Emmet.”
He nods. “I know that, Adam.” He turns to face me. “But that hasn’t stopped you from doing it. Over and over again. I’m sorry I came here, and I’m sorry I invited you.”
He gets out of bed and moves toward the door. I should get up and go after him, I don’t want him to leave, but I can’t move. My body has turned into a cement block and I’m stuck here in bed.
When the door is just about closed, I shoot out of bed and race after him, yanking my door open to find him standing in front of his with his key in his hand. He looks at me with surprise, but the sadness in his eyes is unmistakable.
“No,” I say, walking toward him.
My door closes loudly, and I don’t have my key, so that’ll be an issue in a few minutes.
“Don’t apologize to me, Emmet. You have nothing to be sorry for. This is all me, and I am sorry. So fucking sorry.” I move closer. “And you’re right. It took all of three seconds for your words to hit me. I’ve been thinking about us nonstop for months, unable to figure out what my problem was. I know that I want to be with you, but something is stopping me, and I couldn’t figure it out, and I couldn’t push past it. But you’re right.” I nod, moving even closer, my fingers twitching to touch his face. “I am terrified of losing youagainbecause I know I don’t deserve you and I know I’m going to fuck things up along the way.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.” I laugh. “It’s so fucking true. What I did to you then, the way I’m treating you now. You don’t deserve it, Emmet. Why the fuck did you come back? Why do you still want me?”
He frowns, eyes turning a little red. “Because I love you.”
“That’s not enough.”
He scowls. “It’s enough for me. It’s always been enough for me, Adam.”
“Emmet—fuck.” A tear slips down my cheek and I swipe it away, angry that I’m not able to get a hang on my emotions. “I don’t know how to not be scared. I’ve lost everyone—”
“I’m right here,” he says firmly. “Right in front of you.”
“But—”
“No buts. No fucking buts. I am right fucking here,” he says, closing the rest of the space between us. “I have been here this whole time.” His hand finds mine and I look down at them,linked together. My gaze goes back to him. “And I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Emmet
I hadn’t anticipated this weekend being such an emotional rollercoaster, but it needed to happen. We needed to have that conversation, and I’m not sure what it means or what’s going to happen, but after standing in the hallway for far too long, hugging each other, we decided we should get food. So we went to our rooms to change. I had time to shower since Adam had to go downstairs to get a new key. Once that was done, we went in search of food.
The lunch rush had just ended so finding somewhere to go wasn’t difficult. We didn’t talk much while we ate, and we didn’t hang around either. He paid the bill and now we’re walking along the beach, the sun bright as if it didn’t downpour earlier today.
“So, have you met Dominic’s fiance?” Adam asks.
“Yep. He’s hot.”
Adam huffs a laugh. “Is he good for Dominic? Pretty sure he’s the reason he was selling his house.”
