Page 33 of Mistletoe Dreams
"Of course not. Come on in," she said, opening the door wider so that he could come in.
He pulled his hat off as he did so and stepped in on the rug.
"Don't worry about the dirt. My grandma always used to say that she would rather have people here and show hospitality than have a clean house. I guess I never really thought about it, but I definitely feel the same."
"I think it's probably the biblical way to feel, although sometimes we tend to make our house a shrine."
"That's true. We're so worried about how it looks that we forget that it's supposed to be warm and welcoming, and people aren't supposed to feel put out or scared that they're going to break something."
"That's a cute miniature Christmas town," Ben said as they walked by her favorite decoration.
"That always makes my heart smile when I see it. Although I was thinking tonight how different it is looking at it through adult eyes. It was my favorite decoration when I was a kid and still is, but it looked so much more magical back then, you know?"
"Sometimes I wish I could still look at the world through a child's eyes. Because everything seemed a little bit simpler." He paused for a moment, as though weighing his words, and then he said, "Maybe it's just because I didn’t have so much baggage."
"You talked a little bit about your divorce the other night, and I realize that I probably shared more with you about my termination from the hospital than I shared with anyone since I came. If there's anything you want to talk about...?" She let her voice trail off with a question at the end so that he could jump in if he wanted to. She had to admit she was curious, but also, sometimes it just helped to talk about things.
"I don't really—I guess I do feel guilty, but I wasn't the one who chose to cheat, you know? And you can't make someone love you when they've decided that they love someone else instead. Just standing there demanding it is fruitless. So I was handed a choice that I didn't want to make, and now I just have to make the best of it. My goal is to not be bitter and angry and allow that to affect my son."
"At least you're aware of it. I think a lot of parents aren't. They see their kids as weapons or pawns for their side, and they try to poison them against the other parent. It's so sad. It's like we never really grew up, you know?"
"Yeah. I'd like to have a little bit more than a first-grade mentality when it comes to dealing with my ex. Even if sometimes it feels like that's how she deals with me."
She felt bad for him. He didn't exactly look like he'd had his heart broken by her, but he looked like he'd had his heart broken because of the way it had upended his life.
A sound from the kitchen made her remember the milk that she had heating on the stove.
"Oh!" she said, turning so quickly she lost her balance and reached out to the wall to steady herself. At the same time, Ben reached out a hand to keep her from falling, and they ended up standing a good bit closer than they had been. She realized her breath was coming quickly as she stared into his eyes and couldn't seem to get her wits about her, to move, to do anything other than wait. But she didn't quite know what she was waiting for. For him to say something? Move closer? To reach up and touch his shoulder?
"Hannah." His voice sounded a little hoarse, like it was rusty and hadn't been used in forever, but there was also a tone of wonder in it, like he wasn't quite sure why they were standing there either, but she got the feeling that he didn't want to move any more than she did.
She didn't know how long they would have stood there or what might've happened when the door burst open and Mason said, "I got to drive the truck! It was pretty awesome!"
He slammed the door behind him, and by that time, Hannah had jerked back and moved around Ben, heading toward the kitchen.
She threw a smile over her shoulder that she hoped did not have any of the agonizing, uncertain feelings that swirled all through her chest.
"Perfect timing. The milk is ready, and all I have to do is stir in the chocolate."
Her voice sounded almost normal. Now if she could just get her heartbeat and breathing under control.
Whatwasthat?
She wasn't sure. Her hand trembled slightly as she stirred the chocolate in and then poured the thick liquid into mugs.
"Here you go," she said as she walked into the dining room with a mug in each hand.
"Don't you have any?" Ben asked, and if he had any lingering issues from whatever moment they'd shared, she couldn't tell. His hands seemed steady when he reached out to take the mug from her, and he was careful not to brush her fingers.
"I had some earlier, and I think that's probably enough for me."
"Thank you," Mason said as he took the mug from her and immediately put it to his lips, prompting her to say, "Careful, it's hot."
He blew on it a bit before he took a sip and jerked back.
"You're right." That's all he said, but there was a bit of a smile on his lips like he knew he should've listened instead of rushing ahead.
Maybe the kid was learning a little.
