Page 26 of Freeing the Wild
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I murmur.I hear the crowd and my stomach drops.
Fuck.
The sound of tens of thousands of people gets louder the closer we get to the stage, and my breathing increases.I try to calm myself down, singing one of the songs in my head that I used to play for my dad by his favorite, Janis Joplin.
“Shit, I’ll be right back.I want to talk to Luke’s people quickly,” Dax mutters, giving me a side squeeze and heading off to find the headliner’s entourage.“Be my pro, Cassie.”
There’s no one here but us, there’s no one here but us.I hear Haden’s words from his truck over and over again, and it somehow soothes me.My band surrounds me and we make it through our preshow routine.But even that makes my skin crawl.The last time we did this … The woman’s eyes flash in my mind and I screw my own eyes shut as Shawn mutters our usual “One, two, three, Cassie Spencer and The Spin!”The band chant the line around me but I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience as I move toward the stairs leading up to the stage.The crowd goes crazy as my band makes their way out to take their places.I press my hand to my chest, and it is clammy.I can’t catch my breath, my shirt is too tight and my ears are ringing.I focus on Cherry fiddling with her guitar strap as someone screams the headliner’s name.I nearly jump out of my skin at the noise.
I picture Haden’s eyes and the moment he looked into mine and whispered, “There’s no one here but us.”
There’s no one here but us.I white-knuckle the wall as everyone but me crosses the stage.But I can’t follow.My feet are cemented to the floor.
I’m alone.I close my eyes, willing this feeling to go away.
I’m alone like I was when my mom drank too much and fell asleep before me.
I’m alone.Like I was when I was eight and I broke my ankle falling off my bike in front of our house, where I stayed until my dad came down the driveway to help me.
“Dad?”I whisper, picturing his face when he helped me up and remembering the way his arms felt around me.I can almost smell him.Tears mixed with thick mascara sting my eyes and then spill over onto my cheeks.But this time, my dad doesn’t come and I’m still alone.
Alone like I was on the stage when I watched the woman’s fight drain from her, when I wondered if she had a mother who loved her, or children, or a sister like me.When I wondered who she was leaving behind, wishing I could bring them to her, wishing I could hold her hand.Just for a minute.Just so she wasn’t alone.
“You okay, girl?”I think someone says now.
“Don’t make me go …” I say, clutching my shaking body.
“Cassie,” the voice says.
“I want my dad …” I whisper.
“Oh shit, you need help, honey.Can you hear me?”
I open my eyes and am met with Evan Woods’s manager.I can’t remember her name.What is it?Francesca?Flora?I shake my head frantically.My teeth chatter and my body shudders violently.My legs give out and I fall to my knees.She crouches down beside me.
“Just hang on, I’ll call someone,” she says, pulling out her phone.
“Don’t make me go,” I tell her.“Don’t make me go.”
“Cass!”Cherry’s voice calls from somewhere, but I don’t see her.
“Don’t make me go … please.”
I think I empty my stomach between sobs.Evan’s managergrips my elbow as she speaks on her phone but I can’t hear what she’s saying.All I see is that woman with the pleading eyes pushed into the earth, bloody and lifeless.Static lines my vision and I press my face to the cool metal of the backstage stairs, searching for any kind of relief.
Don’t make me go.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Cassie
“This schedule isn’t normal, Cassie.I don’t want to bash another manager’s approach but he’s grossly overworking you.I’m not surprised you reacted the way you did last night.”
The constant methodic tick of my IV at St Vincent Medical in Sante Fe is the only sound in the room as I sit across from Fiona Teller, Evan Woods’s manager—the woman who called an ambulance for me last night when my own manager was nowhere to be found.
“There’s no way you could know this, but I started my career working alongside Dax.We haven’t worked together for years but we were both at Crystal Stage.”She mentions a Nashville label known for starting the careers of many young stars.“You shouldn’t be playing somewhere practically every other day for eight months straight.”
She’s right, I’ve been going hard since last summer.The longest break I’ve had was the two days in September when I went to see Ivy in Kentucky.
