Page 106 of Freeing the Wild
Shit.Jo would’ve never thought twice about mentioning it.She has no idea how strained my relationship is with my dad because I don’t talk much about it.And he is really good at making it seem like we’re the best of friends.
I shrug.“It just happened.It’s not a secret.”
“Well, it’s hard to realize the house you grew up in isn’t something you want.You knew you had a perfectly good home if you’d just put some effort into visiting once in a while and helping me fix—”
“Fuck,” I interject.I’m tired of fucking listening to his negativity.“I know you’re lonely.I know you’ve been lonely.That’s why you go to the track and pick fights with me.But this?You telling me what a disappointment I am every time we talk iswhyI don’t visit.”
“I have a handle on when I gamble and when I don’t.”
I laugh.“No you don’t.Listen Dad, I have this place now.I can no longer lend you money when you need it, or fix the house you live in.That’syourresponsibility.”
I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in as I gesture to the land around us.“Thisis what I’ve always wanted.Thisis what makes me happy.I just bought a forty-five-acre ranch and you can’t even acknowledge that that is an accomplishment?”
My dad scoffs.“It’s just hard to swallow when I double-mortgaged that house just so I could—”
“Waste all your money on football to get me nowhere?Yep, I get it.You remind me every chance you get.I didn’t make you rich.I didn’t come through for you.I went left instead of right.When are you gonna stop living in the past?”
“What’s gotten into you, boy—”
“Enough,” I interrupt him again.“You wanted me to play football.After she left …” My dad winces.He never talks about my mother.“You pinned your future on me.But I was ten years old.You never once asked me if I was okay.You never once asked me whatIwanted.When I cried myself to sleep every fucking night for a year, wondering what I did to make my mother leave, you drank and brought strange women home from the bar on Friday nights.You didn’t even try to hide it.I didn’t know you for five years.Until you realized how good I was at football.”
“I was trying to help you make a life for yourself that I couldn’t give you.”
“No Dad, you were trying to make a life foryou.I was your meal ticket, but I fucking hated it.The only reason I played was so I could go to school.Now I’ve earned what I wanted all along without the school or you, and you can’t even be happy for me.It’salwaysall about you.What I can do foryou.Well, I’m done.”I throw my hands up.“This place is my priority now.I want to have something to leave my kids one day if I’m lucky enough to have them.I want to leave this world a little better than I found it.It’s time you start owning up to your mistakes.If you can’t take care of your house, sell it.”
I start to walk away but my dad’s boots are heavy on the gravel behind me.
“This is all that buckle bunny’s doing, ain’t it?She’s gotten under your skin.You’re influenced by some barrel racer’s pussy.”
I turn back and grab his collar, rage seeping through every part of me.
“She’s not here, in case you haven’t noticed.And she’s not some buckle bunny either.She’s an incredible singer and songwriter.”I let him go as he stumbles backward.“And youwillspeak respectfully about her.I won’t hit my own father, but if I ever hear you talk about Cassie like that again, you won’t be welcome here.And this?”I look around “This is me.I’m a simple rancher.I am never going to be able to pay you back for putting every cent you had into football.I’m never going to care about the house I had to live in missing my mother every day.And I’m never going to have a relationship with you if you continue to make me feel like shit every chance you get.”
Just as I finish my last words, Wade’s truck pulls into the driveway.He parks next to my dad and hops out.
“Sorry we’re late,” he explains.“I was talking to Asher.Apparently, Olivia had a call to her house tonight.A kitchen fire.”
“Fuck.No shit?”I put my hands in my pocket.“Is she alright?”
“Yeah, she’s just fine.Asher’s there, assessing the damage.”
“Damn.I was just talking to him.He’s on hour fourteen of his shift already.What a way to top off his night.”
“Yeah.”Wade says.“We’ll find out more later.But she’s lucky.”
“Wade,” my dad says, extending his hand to shake Wade’s as Cole gets out of the back of the truck.He’s on the phone and holding pizza.Nash gets out of the passenger side carrying a couple of six packs.
“Jim,” Wade says.“Here to christen the new house with us?”
“No, I was just heading out.You boys have fun,” he saysgruffly, giving me one last glance before he turns on his heel.As he climbs into his truck, I wonder if we will ever understand each other.But one thing is certain: I feel stronger and lighter than I have in years.
Wade looks around “Looks like home, brother.”He smiles wide.
I smile back.“Yeah it does.”
“Anything going on there you want to talk about?”Nash nods toward where my dad was just standing.
“Nah man, let’s just eat.”I clap him on the shoulder as we make the short walk up to my new house.The late April air is almost warm around us.“Is CeCe ready for the concert Sunday night?”
