Page 100 of Freeing the Wild
“I know, girl,” I tell her, taking in a deep breath.“I really fucking miss her too.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Cassie
“… and this would start the week after Wagon Wheel if you approve.It’s what I’ve been able to line up.”
We’re in Dax’s office in Nashville a few days before I leave for Wagon Wheel.I take the folder he hands me; it’s filled with proposed dates and cities.I’m confused, but he’s wearing an excited expression.
“I know you wanted to only commit to thirty shows over the summer, but getting asked to tour with Nate Simon’s band ishuge.”
I flip the page and take in all the proposed dates.
“But I told you, Dax.I’m writing a lot for the first time in two years.I want to focus on that.I want you to start approaching artists to use my songs.You said you could act as my publisher.”
I can feel anxiety creeping up my throat just talking about this with him.I force myself to breathe.To tell myself I am in control here.
“I thought you understood that I wanted to finish out the dates I’m already committed to, which means Wagon Wheel and a few shows on the festival circuit.You said you would let mepick and choose.Or have you already forgotten that?”
Dax takes a sip of his sparkling water and leans back in his chair.“That was before you got back onstage.You’re doing so well, Cassie, and you’re gaining such a following.”
My brow creases.“But you knew music was only ever a means for me to write.”
“But performing your own music yields more.It gets you out there.”
And there it is.
“I don’t need more.I’m quite comfortable with the record streaming and selling the way it is.I also want tolive.”And go to Kentucky, kiss my cowboy and see my family.
Dax rubs his temples and closes his eyes.“When the hell did you get so difficult?”
“Excuse me—?”
“You used to just do whatever was best for your career.But now it seems you’re intent on doing what’s best for that fucking cowboy you look so sullen over most of the time.”
“This has nothing to do with Haden.”I slap the folder down on the table.“This has everything to do with you treating me like I’m a puppet for hire.You have no idea what it’s like to do these shows night after night, city after city.It’s the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.This is a forty-something city tour when you combine both of your proposed itineraries.I’ll be traveling non-stop and in a different city every other day.And I am tired, Dax.You’re supposed toguideme, notcontrolme.”
My voice is getting louder as I speak, but so is his.“You’ve fucking changed, Cassie.It’s just like these last two songs Ned is telling me he wants to put on your album.They aren’t your norm.They’ll never get plays on social media, or airtime.”
I blink back in astonishment.“But they’re … really fucking good.”
“Gooddoesn’t sell, sweetheart.”
I lean back in my chair as I let his words sink in.All hisgroveling on the phone that day, telling me he was sorry.It was all bullshit.He just wanted to get me back on the road and figured, once he did, he’d own me again.Fiona was right.Every single thing she said to me in the hospital was true.Some managers only care about their bottom line.I look back up at Dax, never seeing him more clearly than I do right now.
“I’ll think about it.Right now, I’m late for rehearsal.”I stand and make my way toward the door.
“You’re making the right choice, Cassie,” he adds, his tone gentler now that he thinks I’m on board with his schedule.I nod over my shoulder as I leave his office.Once I’m outside, I lean on the wall and feel the tears fill my eyes.I want to march back in there and tell Dax to go fuck himself, and that I’m done with him the second I step foot off the Wagon Wheel stage.But I didn’t get this far in my career by being impulsive.I need to take a beat and get my ducks in a row.I need to make sure I owe him nothing, and I’ve got to get through my show this weekend.But one thing is certain: I need a good plan—and for that, I know just who to call.
“At least you’re protected,” my lawyer, Tom Shanks, says as he sits across from me at my small kitchen table in my apartment in Nashville.This is only the second time I’ve been here in months.Its cozy and clean and overlooks downtown.At one time, I loved it.Now, it just feels empty and sad, but it’s where I’ve sat over the last two days talking with Dr.Payler.We hashed out all my feelings over two long sessions.She was adamant that I search my heart about where this performing path is taking me, why I’m doing it and why I might want out.The end result has beenTom giving me those ways out.Because I need them.I need to follow my instincts, and putting everyone else first—including Dax—is just my way of people-pleasing.I’m learning from Dr.Payler that people-pleasing can be a form of self-sabotage, and it’s time to break the cycle.
“Since you’re an independent artist, you decide who you hire and fire.Where the money is concerned, I see nothing here out of the ordinary.Dax just isn’t the type of manager you want for your career now.You’ve done well for yourself, Cassie, over the last few years.You have some financial freedom now to pursue anything that interests you.Which includes writing.”
I look down into my lap.“Dax seemed to have my best interests at heart in the beginning, but now it feels as though everything has gone to his head.Like he’ll stop at nothing to squeeze every last drop of money from me—to pimp me out to the music industry.”
Tom is an older man in his sixties and is very serious and proper.So when I see the hint of a smile playing on his lips, it takes me by surprise.
“Well, that’s where I come in.We don’t need anyone pimping you out.”He uses air quotes, which makes me laugh, as he leans back in his chair.
