Page 83 of What Is Love
Wyatt was unusually quiet as he watched us.
“Because it’s unfair,” I said as I scooped up my Kendry hoodie and put it on—I’d aimlessly tossed it on the floor before falling asleep last night. “You think I would really choose him?”
Reid chose that moment to come out of the bathroom. He quietly came to stand by Wyatt and also watched us.
“Then what would you choose?” Roe pushed.
“I would choose me,” I blurted. “If I had any sort of freedom, I would choose me and what I wanted.”
“And what do you want?” Roe asked.
“Everything,” I said. “I want to not be afraid. I want to feel safe. I want to disappear and also be seen. I want to be able to eat what I want and drink what I want. I want to wear what I want. I want to decide my own future. I want to never tell another lie ever again or have to worry about hiding the bruises on my body. I would like to not be sold off to a pig who gets pissed when Itell him no. I would like to not be sold off at all. I want a mother who doesn’t hurt me. I want to choose who I want to be with. I want to kiss you in public. I don’t want to sneak around. I want to have a threesome or an orgy or whatever the fuck it is called. I want to know what love is. I want to know what it feels like. From a parent or any other fucking human being, because I’ve never experienced it.”
I covered my mouth with both hands because it made me bitterly sick to know I’d just voiced so many secret thoughts and wishes. I dropped my hands and shook my head to try to dispel how vulnerable I felt. “How does it help anything for me to say those things?”
“We can help you—” Roe started to say.
“No one can help me!” I shouted.
“Have you even tried to help yourself?” Reid asked.
I let out a humorless laugh. “I know what you think of me, Reid. Weak. Pathetic. A coward. Do not compare what you went through to my situation.” I put my arms out, gesturing to my princess room, my extravagant house. “Money can buy a lot more than a big house. Every person I have gone to for help has been bought off or silenced. And don’t forget those who work in this house, the ones who clean my blood off the fucking floor!” I shouldn’t have screamed, but I was so tired of being silent. “No one has helped me. No one can help me. So go ahead and judge me. Say that I’m weak, that I’m a coward. It’s nothing I haven’t already said to myself.”
Reid stared at me, unblinking and with a tight jaw. No one said anything. I didn’t think any of them knew what to say.
I stared down at the floor. “If you don’t leave soon, you’ll be late for school.”
“Lottie—” Roe said at the same time Reid said, “I don’t think you’re weak or a coward. And I never once thought that you were pathetic.”
It was probably the kindest thing he’d ever said to me.
Roe stood from the bed and stepped toward me.
I put a hand up to stop him. “Please go. I need space.”
Wyatt put his hand on Roe’s shoulder. “Give the lady what she wants. We should head home.”
When Roe nodded, I headed for the bathroom. The moment I shut the door behind me, tears filled my eyes, and I quietly cried.
Chapter Twenty-Three
When I went downstairsthe morning after the guys stayed the night, I found my suitcase and everything else I had left at Roe and Wyatt’s on my doorstep. It felt like a goodbye. After replaying everything that had been said, I understood. Why bother wasting your time with someone who belonged to another? Why get caught up in my problems when they couldn’t do anything to help? They had cut their losses, and I didn’t blame them one bit. When they didn’t call or text, I knew that what I had assumed was true.
The week flew by quickly. I still avoided lunch by hiding in the library. Lemon recommended me a book similar to the previous one I had read, but I was having a hard time getting into it. I avoided Ms. Clark and my drawing class, too. I would just leave school early and go get coffee.
It was now Friday, and I was staring out the window from where I sat in the café. It was the same table where Roe and Wyatt had sat with me. I was staring at a brave cat sitting on top of someone’s car. It was licking its orange-and-white paw like it didn’t have a care in the world.
I was in such a state of self-pity that I envied that cat.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” a deep voice asked.
I turned my head to find Bram standing next to my table. Just like Roe had. He wasn’t in his cut. He was wearing a nice navy polo shirt with a small Kane’s Motors logo above the left breast pocket and a nice pair of jeans.
Does my biological father own that business?
Roe’s dad owned a bar that the club obviously frequented. Bram was a Haven’s Rebel. It made sense that he’d be employed by another Haven’s Rebel.
“I skipped my last class,” I told him.
