Page 78 of What Is Love
Was it smart going home?No. Was I in the right mindset? Also no. I just needed a break from reality and the only way I knew how to get that was to draw. As soon as I got home, I snuck inside quietly. All the lights were off and it was silent. I didn’t bother turning anything on. I locked the front door behind me and walked through the dark house until I got to my bedroom. I locked that door behind me as well and pushed my armchair in front of it. It was silly to think that would protect me, but it gave me a little peace of mind, and it might give me enough time to climb down from my bedroom balcony.
Once I got all the lights on in my room, I took in a calming breath and decided to completely strip out of my uniform and undergarments. It was time for comfort.
From my dresser, I grabbed a baby blue cotton tank with lace bordering the neckline and a matching pair of boyshort underwear with lace bordering the waistband. I took those with me into the bathroom and set them aside before turning on the shower. As the water warmed up, I put all my hair up in a messy bun so it wouldn’t get wet. Then I got into the shower to wash away the day from my face and body.
After finishing my quick shower and getting dressed, I went back into my room, over to the corner where my art desk was, and pulled out a drop cloth, my easel, and my stool. Mindlessly, I set everything up and grabbed everything I would need. As I sat before my easel with a blank sheet of my favorite large white drawing paper, I only paused for a second to envision what I wanted to draw. I wasn’t in the mood for fine lines and perfect edges. I wanted to draw something that was as messy as I felt at the moment. I reached for my container of charcoal powder, poured some in my hand, and slammed it down in the paper, rubbing my hand all over to spread the dust where I’d need it. The more I bled out onto the paper, the more the world around me disappeared.
I didn’t know how long I was at it, drawing a young woman who had no face. From the nose up was smeared away until those smears turned into black birds flying away. The rest of the drawing was from her nose down to the tops of her breasts. Streaks of tears like spilled ink ran down her visible cheeks, off her chin, and down her neck and chest. I was drawing her mouth, which was sewn brutally shut with a thick thread, when I heard a knock.
I jumped, startled. I looked toward my bedroom door. Then there was a knock again and it didn’t come from there. I turned toward the other side of the room, where my balcony was. My curtains were closed, but I could see an outline of a person. My heart took off at a speed that made me worry it might give out.
“Lottie,” a muffled voice said, and I recognized it.
Roe.
My poor heart instantly slowed. I went over to my nightstand and grabbed the remote for the curtains. With a charcoal-covered finger, I pressed the open button and returned the remote to my nightstand before walking around my bed to the balcony doors. As the curtains opened, they revealed Roestanding outside with Reid behind him, helping Wyatt climb up and over the railing.
“What are you doing here?” I asked through the door.
Roe’s stormy blue eyes were locked with mine. “I told you I’d follow you.”
“How did you know that I was here?” I asked.
Wyatt came up to the door. “You said you wanted to go home.”
How did they find out where I lived?
As if knowing what I was thinking, Wyatt said, “You left your wallet with your ID in your bag at our place, and this is the only light on in the entire house, in case you were wondering if we’re stalkers or not.”
I looked from Roe to Wyatt to Reid. I wasn’t as freaked out as I’d been earlier. What was done was done. They knew and I couldn’t take that back. I hadn’t any idea how to proceed from here. But one thing I knew for sure was that I didn’t want to stop spending time with them.
I turned the lock on the balcony’s French doors and opened one slightly, allowing them in. Roe came in first, then Wyatt, both taking in my room as they moved farther into it. Reid was last to come in and he shut the door behind him.
He didn’t look around like the others. Instead, he took me in head to toe before he met my eyes. “You’re in your underwear.”
I glanced down at myself. It was more clothes than he’d seen me in yesterday morning. My bathing suit showed a lot more. “I know. This was what I was going to wear to bed. Does showing too much skin offend you?”
“Your top is see-through,” he deadpanned.
I glanced down again. “Apparently boobs do, too.” I walked around him, heading for the bathroom.
“I can proudly say that your boobs don’t offend me,” Wyatt said. “In fact, if you wanted to walk around naked, I wouldn’t be opposed.”
“I think my nakedness might offend one of you,” I said.
Wyatt frowned at Reid. “Why did you have to come?”
I saw Reid flip him off just as I went into the bathroom. I washed my charcoal-covered hands and wrists. Glancing at my chest in the mirror, I could indeed see my nipples. Leaving the bathroom and walking through my room toward the closet, I noticed all three of them looking over what I had been drawing. I grabbed my burgundy zip-up hoodie that hadKendry Academywritten across it. I slipped into it as I returned to my room.
Wyatt shook his head as he stared at what I had drawn so far. “It amazes me how fucking talented you are.”
“It’s not finished,” I said.
“Sounds like I’m not the only one who needs more confidence as an artist,” he said, clearly thinking he’d gotten me.
I folded my arms over my chest. “I know my work is good. Compliments just make me uncomfortable.”
Looking baffled, Wyatt turned to face me. “Why?”
