Page 23 of What Is Love
“There shouldn’t have been anything to explain in the first place.” His voice was calm and low, but the anger was very present. “You should’ve had that shit covered up. Do you have any idea how bad this makes me look?”
I was tired of being reminded every day that I was not a person to anyone.
I’m nothing.
I didn’t want to apologize, but knew I needed to take the blame to make him happy. “I’m sorry.” My voice sounded so vacant, and I felt as pathetic as Mother had said I was.
He reached for me, making me flinch and step back. His nose flared as he inhaled deeply. “Button up your shirt and let’s go back.”
I did as he said and fastened the top button even though I knew it’d fall open again. “I’m not feeling well. I was thinking of going to the nurse.”
“No,” he said. “Our friends need to see us go in together, so rumors don’t spread.” He reached for me and grabbed my upper arm again. I had to fight not to flinch that time.
As we started walking back to the cafeteria, a voice said, “Lottie.”
We stopped and glanced toward its source. Roe was walking toward us. His hands were in the pockets of his slacks. He was staring at Brandon’s hand locked around my arm and I could have sworn I saw a muscle in his jaw tick.
“What do you want, Walker?” Brandon asked, not bothering with the golden-boy facade.
Roe stopped his approach a few feet from us, his eyes meeting mine. “The principal sent me to get Lottie.”
Brandon’s fingers tightened around my arm. “What for?”
Roe shrugged. “I didn’t ask.”
Brandon let me go with a sigh. “Fine. Go.”
I took one step toward Roe before I was pulled back. Brandon grabbed me by the chin and kissed me. It was quick, but still felt possessive and violating. “Come find me when you’re done,” he ordered as he pulled away.
I nodded and he headed back to the cafeteria.
Roe and I didn’t say anything to each other or move to leave. When Brandon was long gone, I glanced at Roe. He was watching me, hands still in his pockets. His eyes felt so penetrating. Like he saw my secrets and actually seemed to care.
I glanced down to the floor. “The principal didn’t ask to see me, did he?”
“No.” That single word said so much.
I pulled my hair forward to cover my neck. “How much did you see?”
“Does it matter?”
I guess it doesn’t,I thought as I continued to stare at the floor. I should have walked away. Come up with an excuse to leave and go to the restroom or somewhere else that was private to get my shit together so I could return to the damned cafeteria.
“Why won’t you look at me?” he asked, and that question obliterated what little strength I had left.
My eyes began to burn, and I had to blink a bunch of times to try to prevent myself from crying. It didn’t work. Tears threatened to fall, and the moment I finally faced him, a few did. His brow furrowed as his eyes trailed them down my cheeks.
“Because I’m not worth your help, Roe.” It was such a raw and self-pitying thing to admit. “And I’m embarrassed, and I don’t have it in me to pretend and lie to you right now.”
“Have you lied to me before?”
I wiped my face. “I lie to everyone. Like how you sell weed to these shitheads, it’s how I survive. I’m a lying, betraying, pathetic bitch.”
He was quiet for a moment as he seemed to mull over my words, which only made what I had said sink in. More tears filled my eyes and fell down my cheeks.
“Well, you’re a very honest dishonest person,” he finally said.
I huffed a humorless laugh and wiped at my cheeks again. “I’m only that way with you.”
