Page 31 of Love Me
All I felt all the time was weak. I’d almost let myself give up. I’d let my grief consume me because it was easier. Sure, I was in therapy now and was doing my best to stay determined, but there was always the temptation to give up. The uphill battle of healing was a constant dance of one step forward and five steps back. The progress was slow, disheartening more times than not, and draining, both mentally and emotionally. Strength in the physical sense was easier for me. When I got tired, I could push myself to run one more mile, one more hour, or not stop until I dropped. Physical strength was nothing but progress and that was reassuring in a way. I knew I could finish this run even though I’d had this setback. I knew I was strong enough to push on, and to not made me feel like a failure in the one aspect of my life where I felt like I wasn’t.
“Talk to us, babe,” Colt pleaded softly.
Realizing my issues, I made myself breathe in deeply and exhale slowly. “I’m being too hard on myself, and I was having a moment.” Healing wasn’t a race. I really wished it were, because I’d outrun the world to win if I had to. I glanced at the cut on my elbow. “The next obstacle is another water one. It isn’t a good idea to be fully submerged in disgusting water with a bunch of cuts, so it’s best I skip it.”
They both glanced at each other. Probably surprised at my quick turn of mood.
Colt took my hand. “Do you need me to carry you?”
I shook my head and we continued on toward the finish line.
We caught up to Ethan and Isabelle, who were waiting for us by the last obstacle. When Creed informed them that we were skipping this one, Isabelle’s shoulders sagged. “Me, too. I’m beat.”
“What about your bet?” I whispered.
She just smiled and looked at the guys. “I can walk with her if you want to go do the obstacle.”
“We’re good,” Colt and Creed said at the same time.
“I’m beat, too,” Ethan said.
I stared at all of them and had to resist the urge to cry. I had people. Of course, I knew I had the guys, but there was something about this moment that really showed me what I had. Isabelle had gone up against Gabe for me. Ethan, who was extremely competitive, had forfeited the bet he had with Isabelle. There was a saying that you didn’t realize what you had until it was gone. That was painfully true. But no one really talked about how, after you’d lost everything, it was overwhelmingly wonderful to regain something, or in this case…people who cared about you.
Once we crossed the finish line, we were each handed a goody bag. Inside, there was a T-shirt, a water bottle, a headband, a pen, and stickers. Each item was merch from all the different businesses that had sponsored the mud run.
Colt grabbed my bag to carry. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I caught Isabelle and Ethan looking around at all the tents. It was clear they wanted to explore.
“Why don’t you guys go look around and we’ll catch up later?” I suggested.
“Are you sure?” Isabelle asked, looking torn.
I waved my hand flippantly. “Yeah. I just need a couple of Band-Aids and there’s no need for all of us to go.”
Isabelle relented and we went our separate ways. Colt and Creed led the way to the first aid tent. I was still hobbling and the cuts on my knee throbbed and stung with each step.
Creed held out his goody bag to Colt and reached for me.
“I can walk,” I insisted.
“No.” Such a small word, yet it said so much. He wasn’t going to let me walk. He gave me his back and crouched a little. “Hop on, Shi.”
My boyfriends want to take care of me.I’d promised them I’d work on this particular flaw, and I kept my promises.
I climbed onto Creed’s back. As he carried me, I rested my head against his shoulder. I noticed Colt kept eyeing me, his surprise evident in the way his brows tried to reach his hairline.
“I’m trying.” I didn’t have to explain.
Colt rubbed my lower back as he walked next to us. “I’m proud of you.”
We would have to pass the Desert Stone tent to get to the first aid tent. As we began to pass the large navy-colored tent with Desert Stone Fitness written across the front, I saw Knox, Keelan, and a few personal trainers inside, sitting behind a long table helping a decent amount of people, hopefully signing up for memberships.
Keelan spotted us. He took in Creed carrying me and then said something to the two mud-covered girls he had been helping before standing from the table.
I tapped Creed’s shoulder and told him and Colt that Keelan was coming. The two of them stopped and glanced at the Desert Stone tent. We watched as Keelan walked over to where Knox was seated and leaned down to say something in his ear. Knox looked around the line of people in front of him, his eyes searching, and when they landed on me, he said something over his shoulder to Keelan before returning his attention to the guy he was helping. Keelan made his way out of their tent.
Creed let me down as Keelan approached us. Keelan's eyes dropped to my bleeding knee. “What happened?” he asked and grabbed my arm gently to look over the cut on my elbow.
