Page 70 of Vixen's Guide to Christmas
The silence is back, only this time instead of being tense, I swear I can see both of our brains playing the last week of our lives on repeat.
I remember seeing her at the bar at speed dating. Her smile lit up the room. She was pretending to laugh at whatever joke the guy in front of me told, and I could tell she was being polite. It’s why I felt such a sense of pride later when I got a genuine laugh from her.
I’m going to miss that laugh. That smile. How she curls up to me in bed. The snores. Fuck, I’m going to miss those.
I’m going to miss her. But she’s right. If I turn this down, I can’t assume another one of these chances will come up. And even if it does, how long will that be? There’s no guarantees on anything.
I have to take it.
But fuck, I don’t want to.
“We had a lot of fun." I say, unable to force back the tears forming in my eyes.
"Maybe the best Christmas I've had in years," she says, her tears matching mine.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to play trivia again.”
That makes her laugh. “Even if you do, you won’t win.”
“Then what’s the point?”
We share a smile as I bring her into my arms. “I’d be a selfish bastard if I asked you to come to New York, right?”
“Not selfish, but I can’t,” she says. “My life is in Nashville. But you…you’re about to have one in New York, and it’s going to be amazing.”
"I don't want to lose you.” I kiss her temple, knowing in my gut that this is probably the last time I’m going to get to hold her in my arms. “There has to be a way.”
Kat shakes her head. “We could lie to ourselves and say that we’ll try long distance, and it would probably work for a little bit. But we both know how this job goes. It starts with one missed trip here, one crisis there. Next thing we know, we've been reduced to a few emails a week and four canceled trips that we promised we're going to make up to the other.”
She's right on every point. I fucking hate it.
“This fucking sucks," I say. “I don’t want it to end this way.”
“Neither do I. But it just wasn’t our time. Or maybe it was.”
That takes me back. “How?”
She sits up, but keeps hold of my hand. “I believe that every person comes in your life for a reason. And you…you made me realize that I could be both of me in one. I honestly don't know if I ever would have got there had it not been for you. Thank you for that.”
My heart aches with her words, but I know exactly what she means. “And you…you made me look inside myself and push myself to be better. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was stuck before you. I know I said it before, but you, Katherine Smith, have made me better.”
The tears are pooling again in those brown eyes that I've come to love so much. “You're going to do great things, Grayson Ross.”
I tap my forehead to your hers. “But never as good as you.”
I can’t be in this room anymore.
It’s been two hours since my talk with Kat and one since she packed up her things and left. We both agreed that spending the day together, waiting for our flights, would lead to only more heartbreak and sadness. She told me I could stay, that she had to meet with Howard and Declan before she could go to the airport to get her flight.
That left me here. Alone. Thinking of every memory that was created here in the past five days.
And I fucking hate it.
My bags are packed. That took me all of four seconds. I checked my email, and like I knew was coming, I saw one in there from Declan and Howard. I didn’t bother opening it. I know what it says. And while I’m happy for Kat, I don’t need salt in a wound today.
I should head to the airport. Wait for a standby flight to New York. The one I don’t want to take. But I don’t. Instead I’m going to wallow on this bed—the one I’d planned on laying in all day with Kat in my arms—as I stuff myself with the Christmas cookies she left and watching some Christmas movie where the guydoesget the girl at Christmas.
Lies. All lies. People don’t end up together at Christmas. Maybe I should call one of my family members and sue this channel for spreading false hope and misinformation.
