Page 50 of Vixen's Guide to Christmas
But it is making me think of some scary things.
Maybe I can do this.
Maybewecan do this.
And, the scariest of all, how badly Iwantto do this.
guide to christmas (and love) rule #45
Some kisses outrank others. Ones under the mistletoe are in a category by themselves.
15
kat
Do I wear it?
That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for no less than the last twenty minutes as I get ready for tonight’s party. Because I want to be bold. I want to take a chance. I want to do a lot of things, and wearing the outfit I want to wear would give me that extra ounce of confidence.
But then there’s fucking Katherine in the back of my head, asking me if that’s a good idea.
Sometimes she’s a stuck-up bitch.
The outfit Katherine wants me to wear is a flattering, and slightly sexy, red sweater with leather leggings. Just enough to give party vibes, but appropriate for a function being hosted by potential clients.
But what Iwantto wear is a Santa Baby inspired dress made of dark green velvet, with the fur hood and all. I packed it for a just-in-case moment, because when you’re gone over the holiday for ten days, you never know what you’re going to need. I bought it a few years ago for a Bad Santa Christmas party, and frankly, I look way too good in it to only wear it once. It makes me feel sexy. Bold. Not like Katherine in the least bit.
That’s who I want to be tonight. I want to be Kat. I want to be the woman who has fun. I want to be the woman who does the scary thing. And there’s nothing scarier than telling a man you know could break your heart that you want to give it a try.
How’s that going to happen tonight? No clue. I’m normally a pretty prepared person, but I’m winging this shit. I’ve only said a few words to Grayson since he made his way up to the room after our impromptu work date today, and those were “I’ll pop into the bathroom now so you can have it to get ready.” Not exactly the starter to the conversation of “Hey, I’m scared to death, and I need to tell you about my emotional baggage, but if you want to date, I want to date.” Granted, I don’t know what actually is the starter to that conversation, but I doubt it’s that.
All I do know is that when I left the restaurant today, and after spending the afternoon with Grayson, I realized that I’m tired of splitting my personalities. I’m tired of needing to rely on a name and a beige bra to keep my heart protected. I don’t want to live a life of regrets, and I have a feeling if I don’t give this a shot with Grayson, then regret is all I’m going to feel.
And in this outfit? With a red lip, black heels, and a dress that makes me feel like I can own a room? There’s no space for regret.
When I open the door, I’m hit with the smell of Grayson’s cologne. The only problem is he’s nowhere to be found.
I let out a sigh of disappointment as I walk over to the desk chair, so I can finish putting on my jewelry. But when I sit down, a piece of paper catches my eye.
Katherine,
Can you ask Kat to meet me downstairs for a drink before the party? I’d love to buy her one in celebration of a hard-fought battle.
Let’s have some fun tonight.
<3 Grayson
The note is simple, but I don’t know if he realizes the magnitude of him writing this note to both Katherine and Kat. Does he know that I’ve been struggling all day of how to morph the two back together again? And even if he doesn’t—which how could he—him acknowledging both of these people exist in me means more than he could ever know. Jeff never did that. Well, I take that back. He did. But he used one against the other so much that I didn’t trust myself in either my professional or personal life.
But that’s not Grayson. The more I spend time with him, the more I know that to be true.
I finish putting on my gold jewelry, and give myself one more spritz of perfume before I make my way downstairs. When I turn from the elevator into lobby, my eyes go wide because…damn.
Was this the same area I left just a few hours ago? There have been decorations up since I arrived, but now? I don’t know when they did this, or who’s responsible, but the entire space looks like you stepped into a magazine spread. Holly and lights everywhere. I don’t know how they brought in more Christmas trees, but they did. Some have simple decorations. Some are currently being decked by children in their pajamas. It’s absolutely perfect.
My eyes are roaming everywhere, but they stop on a dime when I look ahead and see Grayson standing outside of the restaurant.
I was not prepared.
