Page 176 of Dark Duet: Platinum Edition
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. They made you change your name.” I hadn’t counted on Livvie. I’d been too sick about Rafiq to believe she’d ever try to protect me.
“I like my new one.” She reached for my hand and held it on her knee. “I’d do it again, Caleb—in a heartbeat. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I want you to know I’m happy. I have a great life.”
“I guess that counts for something. If I’d let you come with me… I don’t know. I doubt you’d be the same person. I doubt you’d be as happy as you seem to be.” My own words gave me pause. I’d been right to leave her behind. Had I been right to return?
She gave me a sidelong look. Her smirk hinted at amusement, but her eyes promised retribution.
“You’re not off the hook, Caleb. If you hadn’t left me at the border with a gun, I wouldn’t have had to make a scene to get back into the country. They were barely even looking for me. So don’t give me that ‘all’s well that ends well’ bullshit.”
She got a chuckle out of me.
“Point taken. So how was your time with the FBI?” I was genuinely interested in what she had to say. I’d had some close calls in the past year. At the time, I assumed it was the FIA in Pakistan trying to find me. I was sure they didn’t appreciate Rafiq had gone missing, nor the fact he had been connected to theZahra Bay’. I played with my life every time I went into the country. I wondered if the FBI had been looking for me too.
Livvie looked sad for a fleeting moment before she plastered a smile on her face.
“I’ll get to that. There’s a lot you should know. First, I want to know how you found me. I want to know what you’ve been up to. I don’t want to have to change my name again.”
“What happened to doing it again in a heartbeat?” I provoked.
“Don’t be an idiot,” she said and nudged me with her knee. I let out a defeated sigh.
“After Mexico, I decided to try your old neighborhood.” Livvie looked aghast. I was quick to reassure her no one had been hurt. “I didn’t talk to anyone. I couldn’t take the chance. I waited outside your former apartment building, but I realized pretty quickly your family didn’t live there anymore.” I inched a bit closer to Livvie on the sofa. I didn’t move so much she’d notice—at least not right away. “I must have scouted the bus stop for weeks, just hoping. Which, in retrospect, was pretty dumb. Why would you go back there?
“After your old neighborhood proved fruitless, I remember you talked about your friend Nicole. And before you get all huffy—I didn’t talk to her either. I just stole her laptop.”
“Caleb!” Livvie admonished.
I shrugged unapologetically.
“Are you glad I found you or what? Your whereabouts weren’t just going to fall out of thin air.” I practically dared her to tell me there had been another way. “I found an email that could only have come from you.” I moved a tiny bit closer. I don’t think she realized. “You sounded really sad. You mentioned going to the Eiffel Tower by yourself. Someone stole your wallet. It was months after the incident, but I still worried for you. You said you weren’t over me.”
Livvie looked away from me. She had tears in her eyes and she was working hard to make it seem as though she didn’t. While I didn’t necessarily relish her pain at the memory, it boded well for me. It made me believe there was a chance for us.
She cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes with the back of her finger.
“Ugh! I thought I was past this part. I promise I’m not quite as emotional as I used to be.” She smiled. “I guess you just bring it out of me. I like your hair. How long is it?”
“It’s camouflage. I keep it back because it annoys me when it touches my shoulders.” I didn’t want to talk about my hair. I reached up and collected a tear racing down her cheek. I drank it. I knew it didn’t make sense to her. If anything, she seemed more embarrassed. However, it was my way of taking her pain away. It was a promise. I didn’t go around drinking random tears. I’m notthatcreepy.
Livvie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Some of the tension from earlier was slinking its way back into our intimate moment.
“Some things never change I guess,” she whispered.
I moved closer, until our knees brushed. My arm rested on the back of the sofa and I was able to touch her hair with my fingers. Warmth spread through me as I watched her eyelids slide shut.
“Everything is in the process of becoming something else. It’s the law of change.” I briefly kissed Livvie’s eyelids before she could open them. “I’m in the process of becoming something else, Livvie. I hope it’s something good, something far removed from the monster you knew.”
“Wow!” Livvie said. Her tears had gotten the better of her and she raced to put distance between us. She wiped hurriedly at her cheeks. “Holy shit, Caleb. How can I keep from being a mess when you say things like that? I don’t even know how to feel.”
I smiled and moved back. I had her where I wanted her, but more than that—I had her where Ineededher. In a place where she could admit she could forgive me for the past. In a place wherewewere possible.
Over the next several hours, I relayed the many airline tickets I had purchased to search for her. The places I had almost caught up and missed her. I told her about Germany and the café. She hadn’t been happy to hear about that one but accepted I wasn’t quite ready to approach her at the time.
She attempted to ask questions about our last days in Mexico. I was honest and told her it was too much for me to discuss so soon. I’d tell her at some point. She didn’t like it, but she used it as leverage to dodge questions about the FBI and what she’d learned about me.
For the most part we tried not to delve too deeply into subjects that were excruciating to either one of us. It was more about discovering how we felt toward one another after so much time had gone by. As our feelings became more obvious, we were able to discuss our present instead of our past. I liked that much better. I liked hearing about Livvie going to school. I listened to her talk about the endless possibilities of her future and it made me feel somewhat better about… well, everything. I would be lying if I told you I was over what happened with Rafiq—far from it. Still, it gave me a modicum of solace to know that if he had lived, Livvie’s future would not be so bright.
Too quickly, the hours had ticked by. The night had gone silent and in a few hours, pre-dawn would be approaching. My thoughts began to turn toward more carnal diversions and talking had begun to lose its appeal.
