“Yes, Caleb,” I answer.
I never mention Caleb to Claudia or Rubio. My memories and fantasies are my own business, but I think Claudia can tell whenever I miss Caleb. She smiles and reaches for my hand. She reminds me I don’t have to be lonely.
I’ve been thinking about Caleb more frequently in recent months. Ever since I thought I felt his eyes on me one day outside of a café in Germany. I’d been sitting outside, typing on my laptop. Then again, I’d been writing about him.
I’ve been writing our story for over a year, every detail I can remember. I know I’m not supposed to talk about what happened with the public, but it’s occurred to me how many people want to hear my story. Why shouldn’t I be able to tell it? I’m not a complete idiot. I’ve changed all the names and locations. I’ve decided to market the book as fiction. And of course, I have a pseudonym. The important thing for me is people read it and perhaps understand why I’m still in love with the man who kept me prisoner.
I know all about James Cole. Reed can be a dick, but his heart is usually in the right place. He told me as much as he could. I’ve deduced the rest. At first, I felt gutted by everything I had learned. I had called Caleb a monster, but he’d only been doing the things he’d been taught to do.
I often think about the day he’d walked into the room, covered in dirt, smeared with blood, and devastated by whatever he’d done to get that way. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind he’d killed Rafiq. I just wish he’d known his tears had been wasted. I wonder if the reason Caleb pushed me away was because he felt guilty over what he’d done to Rafiq to save me. Perhaps, if he’d known what a true monster Rafiq was, he’d have taken me with him instead of throwing me out of his life. Then again, maybe not.
“You have that ‘lost in space’ look again,” Claudia says as she takes the seat opposite me at our table. “One day, you’re going to have to tell me what that’s about. I know it has to be a boy.” She moves her eyebrows up and down.
I smile at her. “You’re late. Where’s Rubio?”
“He ran into his friend Sebastian. I think they’ll be here in a bit.”
“Claudia,” I groan. “How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not interested in a hook up.”
“It’s not! I swear it was a total accident. We were on our way here and they ran into each other.” She quickly pours herself a glass of sangria and starts sipping. She’s a terrible liar. “Besides, he’s gorgeous. He’s a student at EUB and he wants to be an artist. He’s good, too – Rubi and I saw some of his paintings.”
“I have to go,” I say and start gathering my things. I am definitely not in the mood to deal with another ‘accidental’ blind date.
Claudia rolls her eyes and tugs me back down into my seat. “Don’t be rude, Sophia. Rubi wouldn’t set you up with a troll. Come on, stay for one pitcher.”
“So, itisa set up then!” I scowl at Claudia and she doesn’t even blush.
“Yes, okay – you got us. We’re terrible friends for wanting to see you happy.” She tosses her hands in the air sarcastically.
“Iamhappy, Claudia. I’d be a lot happier if you guys would stop setting me up.” I cross my arms over my chest, but I know I can’t stay angry.
“Excuse me, Sophia,” interrupts the waiter. His name is Marco, and he knows our little group pretty well. He’s asked me out a couple of times, but I always say no.
“What’s up, Polo?” I ask with a smile. He hates his nickname.
“Very funny. Somebody asked me to give you this,” he says and hands me a piece of paper.
“Ooooh, a secret admirer!” Claudia says. Both Marco and I blush, but only Marco has the luxury of walking away from an awkward situation.
“You’re a jerk, you know that?” I say to Claudia, but she just smiles.
I open the note and I only have to read the first sentence to know who it’s from.
I can’t imagine what you must think of me…
I stand up so quickly, I knock over the pitcher of sangria and it shatters on the floor. My heart is beating in a frantic, but familiar rhythm. Claudia is up on her feet, trying to get me to acknowledge her, but I’m too busy scanning the crowd for him. He’s here somewhere. He’s here! I don’t see him and I want to scream. I can’t lose him again. I can’t! Already, there are tears in my eyes. I look down at the note:
And I don’t expect you’ve forgiven me. Still, selfishly, I have to ask you–are you glad I made you get out of the car? Was I right? Was everything you felt for me on account of my manipulation? If so, please know I am deeply sorry. That I will NEVER bother you again – I swear you’ll never have cause to fear me. But if I was wrong, if you still care for me – meet me? Paseo de Colon, San Sebastia tower, eight o’ clock tonight.
- C
“I have to go, Claudia,” I say.
“Wait! What happened? Talk to me, Sophia,” Claudia shouts after me.
I’m already half way down the block. As I run, I look around me. Is he watching me? Is it really him? Should I call Reed? It could be a trap, but I don’t think so. Only Caleb would know about our last conversation. It’s him. I know it in my fucking bones.
I’m in tears by the time I reach my apartment. I look at the clock. It’s only four o’clock. I have four whole hours to wait. I’ve waited an entire fucking year, but these last four hours are going to be torture.