Page 67 of The Secret Christmas Bookshop
‘I have no idea,’ Sophie said. ‘Do you sit on your window seat a lot?’
‘The one at the top of the stairs?’
She nodded.
‘I only put that in a few weeks ago. The window needed a clean, and it’s got such a good view. It was crying out for a bench.’
‘What will you do with it?’
‘What, the window seat?’
Sophie tore a chunk off her fish and bit into it, delighting in the crunchy batter. ‘The manor,’ she said once she’d finished chewing. ‘When you’ve fixed it all, made it beautiful again. Are you just going to live in it, you and May and the dogs?’
Harry’s laugh sounded tired. ‘May can stay as long as she likes, and I’m dedicated now to making it shine again. Too many old buildings fall into ruin, or get turned into fancy hotels with the soul stripped out of them. Dad loved the manor – Mum too, when she was alive – and I’m glad I was able to save it. But I know we’re fuelling the rumours: May’s a good friend, but everyone thinks it’s a strange set-up.’
‘So … what? You’d like a family?’
Harry didn’t say anything for such a long time, Sophie thought she’d gone too far. ‘I’d love a family,’ he said eventually. ‘I’m forty-two now, and I don’t necessarily want children. But … love.’He shook his head. ‘I don’t know, Soph.’ Her name was a sigh, and she felt a sharp twinge in her gut, remembering how May had counted Harry among the lonely people in the village.
‘Did you ever have someone, in London?’ she asked.
‘I had several someones.’ He gave her a small smile. ‘There was one, Maya, who I thought, at the time, I would be with for ever, but things didn’t work out. What about you?’
‘I was with someone – Trent – for two years when I lived in Bristol.’
‘Things didn’t work out for you, either?’
‘They didn’t.’ Sophie speared another chip. ‘But …’
‘What happened?’ Harry asked gently.
She chewed slowly, buying herself time. ‘I couldn’t commit to him as much as he wanted me to,’ she admitted. ‘Two years into our relationship, I was still reluctant to move in with him. I had a toothbrush at his, a few clothes, but that was it. I needed my own space.’
‘That’s understandable, though.’ Harry’s voice was soft, hesitant, and Sophie wondered if he really believed that.
‘He also said my job was … weak. Making and selling notebooks wasn’t future-proof, wasn’ta solid enough career. And I know on some level he was right, because until Mistingham and Fiona’s concession stand, I’ve always had to supplement it with other things.’
Harry frowned. ‘But you love it: you’ve made it work, and what’s wrong with supplementing your passion so you can keep doing it? It’s much better that way, than givingyour whole self up to something soulless and abandoning what you care about.’
‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’ Sophie’s whole body warmed as she realized how much he understood her. ‘And Idowant to work harder on building a brand, but …’ She stopped, because the struggles she’d had were all of her own making: it was hard to build something without stable foundations, and she was the one who kept destroying them. ‘Anyway.’ She forced a laugh. ‘Isn’t this supposed to be our perfect night at the seaside? Why are we talking about this stuff?’
‘You’re right,’ Harry said. ‘Nearly finished?’
‘Nearly.’ The fish and chips had gone down easily.
‘Excellent. Want to paddle?’ He stood up and gestured to the dark sea.
‘You’re not serious.’
Harry didn’t reply, just held out his hand.
It was, without a doubt, a stupid idea, but it was also Harry. And, Sophie realized, as she grabbed the empty wrappers and pushed them into a bin along the wall before running back to join him, she really wanted to be a little bit stupid with Harry.
‘Holy shitting shit, that’s freezing!’ Five minutes later, Harry was in the shallows, his boots off and his jeans rolled up, acting like he was walking on coals. The tide was coming in, and they had picked a section of the beach with solid steps down to the sand, a streetlight providing a weak glimmer of light that, despite the fog, just about reached them. Sophie had made Harry promise not to go in deeper than calf-height, but seeing his reaction she didn’t think she needed to worry about them drowning.
‘Get out then,’ she said with a laugh.
‘I can’t get out until you’ve come in.’
