Page 61 of All We Want for Christmas
‘Lara.’
She jumped. Flynn peeled himself off the wall outside the exit to the courtyard and shoved his phone in his pocket.
‘I wish you wouldn’t keep doing that,’ she said.
‘Sorry, I was waiting for you.’
She also wished he wouldn’t do that. ‘I thought you were busy.’
‘I guess we both are but I had to talk to you. I feel so bad that it’s my complicated life – my relationships – that have made things so difficult for us.’
Lara was about to tell him that she didn’t want to cool thing but then reminded herself that ‘complicated’ was the exact opposite of what she’d been looking for. In fact, she hadn’t been looking for anything: Flynn had roared into her life.
‘You – you have too much to deal with at the moment,’ she said mechanically, before adding, in an attempt to lighten the mood, ‘It’s not as if we’d started anything serious, is it?’
‘Anything serious …’ he echoed her words, a deep frown etched between his brows.
‘We’ve only known each other a few weeks. We hadn’t even gone public, which is a good thing.’ Apart from with Jazz, she thought, and how she regretted that now.
‘No. I suppose that’s something to be grateful for,’ he murmured.
She was trying to convince him she was fine – and herself – and probably doing a terrible job of both. ‘Flynn, it’s not ideal but it’s not the end of the world.’
‘No, I was only wondering …’
She let him founder and finish his phrase.
‘I – you’re right, it’s not the end of the world. I don’t want to drag you into my mess.’
‘It’s not a mess. It’s – a shock, but, actually, I think it’s pretty amazing. And you should …’ Only now did she feel emotion clog her voice. ‘I think you should make the most of every moment. Like I said, I’m here, as a friend, to help if you ever need it or just to talk. If you want to.’
The stables clock struck twelve.
‘I have to go. The Japanese delegation will be here any moment and I want to greet them at the front door.’
Abandoning Flynn, she hurried off to the banqueting hall without a glance behind.
It was impossible to prevent bitter memories from resurfacing. Was it being with the Penhaligons and hearing their comments about their children, who would turn up for special occasions and, eventually, take up their inheritance?Lovely as Fiona and Henry were, they existed in a different universe. Like Rob.
‘The estate needs an heir. It’s a bore, but it’s down to me to continue the family line.’ Rob had actually said that to her.
You could never be sure whether Rob was in earnest. He liked to throw out one-liners, often just for effect or to be witty or shocking. Even if you knew him very well, as Lara had thought she did, it was occasionally hard to tell when he meant what he said.
However, no matter how often he might joke about providing an heir for the estate, and how ‘bored’ he affected to be on this topic, Lara had always known he was deadly serious.
And the fact that he said it several times while they were actually in bed together, having had amazing sex, did make her wonder if he meant she was the one he wanted to continue the family line with. She’d been crushed with humiliation when she’d learned the truth: that Rob had probably never even considered ‘carrying on the family line’ with her.
‘You said you loved me. Did you ever really mean that?’ She had asked him when he ended it.
‘Of course I did. I still do, and you’ll always be special to me, but with Tabby and I, it’s on a different level. We’ve been around each other for so long. We’re like an old pair of slippers.’
He had laughed. Lara hadn’t.
‘An old pair of slippers.’ She would never have described Rob’s fiancée as that. Tabitha struck her as the type ofwoman who wouldn’t be seen dead in slippers. She was more a spike-heeled pair of patent Louboutins that had only touched a pavement to move from a chauffeur-driven car to a five-star restaurant.
Lara was the pair of slippers: well-used, well-worn, but never meant to be seen in public and now consigned to the bin. And she felt foolish now, for making such a leap, but still angry with him for leading her to believe they had a future.
‘I mean, you must have realised that you and I were never going to be a long-term thing. You’re a realist and you must have known the score.’
