Page 51 of All We Want for Christmas
He smiled. ‘That bag’s like Mary Poppins’ one. Bottomless.’
‘I need to make sure I’ve got at least three of everything.’
‘I must be hard work, managing on your own …’ he said, watching his daughter playing with his granddaughter, and trying to get used to even thinking those two words, let alone using them out loud. Sooner or later, however, he would have to get used to it. The realisation hit him like a sucker punch: everything in his life had changed for ever.
‘I’ve got Nan to help,’ Molly said, as Esme crawled towards a wooden car. ‘And Mum when she has leave from work or is between contracts.’
‘What about Esme’s dad? Does he ever look after her?’ Flynn asked, trying to recover himself.
‘We’re not together any more, but that’s fine with me,’ Molly said, sounding as if she’d said the line many times before. She must have had a lot to deal with in her young life. ‘He works at the nuclear power station up the coast. He does visit Esme sometimes, and he helps out a bit, financially, but he wasn’t the one and I’m not wasting my time with someone who isn’t the one.’
Flynn nodded and sat down, briefly at a loss as to how to reply. ‘By the way … I do remember your mum. Even though we were only together … for a very short time, I thought she was a lovely person. She had a great sense of humour too.’
Molly smiled. ‘We both do. Did you actually know where she lived?’
‘Somewhere up north.’ He grimaced.
Molly sniggered. ‘Up north? That’s a big area!’
‘I thought she said Yorkshire. Sorry, I was nineteen and clearly geography wasn’t a strong point.’
Molly rolled her eyes. ‘I’m only nineteen and I know the difference between Cumbria and Yorkshire. And where Cornwall is,’ she said, again making him feel like the child being told off by a parent. Then again, she’d had to grow up fast with Esme to look after. ‘And she did live in Yorkshire. We both did until I was two, when we moved to Cumbria. That’s where she met my stepdad. Ex-stepdad.’
Stepdad. So, another man had been part of Molly’s life, rather than him? Flynn’s stomach turned over with jealousy and guilt that he hadn’t been there. It was an emotion he’d rarely experienced and it felt toxic.
‘He didn’t stick around long,’ Molly said, as if she could read Flynn’s thoughts. ‘Mum kicked him out after a couple of years.’
Sitting up on her mat, Esme gurgled and batted the green frog on her baby gym.
‘It’s no use trying to change the past,’ Flynn said, not sure if he meant that or not. What else could he say? ‘You said your mum isn’t often around? Do you live with her?’
‘Mum’s usually abroad. She’s a holiday rep supervisor, so she moves around a lot. We both live with my nan. Mum shares the house with her. It saves rent and keeps Nan company since my grandad died.’ Molly laughed, a warm laugh that triggered a powerful memory of her mother more than anything had before – because no memories had been triggered before.
‘Esme and me are lucky to have a home with Nan, and Mum when she’s here.’
‘That must be tough for your mum, being away from you all.’
‘She loves her job and obviously she needs the money, but it means she’ll miss Christmas with Esme.’
‘I understand,’ he said, though he wondered if he would ever understand anything again.
Esme made grunting sounds, which Molly seemed to understand. ‘She’s overtired.’
‘She looks lively enough to me,’ Flynn said, as Esme bashed the living daylights out of her toy penguin. ‘Can I get you a drink?’
‘Water will be fine, thanks.’
When he returned with a glass for her and for himself, Esme was sorting through her wooden blocks, examining and trying to chew them.
Flynn was fascinated by every tiny movement and expression. Was she really his flesh and blood? He cleared his throat and sipped the water.
‘What about you?’ Molly asked from the floor. ‘You haven’t said if you have any other kids. Though from the shock on your face when I turned up, I assumed not. You’re on your own, so I guess they could live with their mum, but I kind of assumed you didn’t.’
He had to smile. She was a shrewd character, perhaps world-weary by nature – like himself. ‘No, I don’t have any kids. Any other kids,’ he corrected himself, feeling like he would never get used to this new reality.
‘Have you ever been married? Or is that woman from the café your girlfriend? She’s the manager here, isn’t she? I googled her too after you left,’ Molly said.
‘Did you know who I was before I came into the café?’
