Page 108 of The Christmas Retreat
My dearest Milly,
I hardly know what to write you, and my hand shakes as I try to form the words.
I feel as if a great, dark chasm separates me from the happy girl who met you this morning and the pale, desperate one who stares back at me out of my mirror. The most appalling thing has happened, and my hopes and dreams for the future are all shattered. I must have time to rearrange my thoughts.
What has happened is that Cosmo, alerted by Wykes, witnessed my final embrace with Edwin on the cliff path early this morning and guessed who it was I was with and that we had been secretly meeting.
It was the most tremendous, heart-stopping shock when he stepped out of the bushes and seized me, in such a paroxysm of rage and jealousy that he was quite beside himself. I can’t bring myself to describe to you the ensuing scene, which was only ended when Efa, who had leave to arrive late this morning, came along the cliff.
He told her that Edwin had taken advantage of me and she was to escort me back to the house and lock me in my room. She was so kind when we reached this haven, and when I told her what Cosmo had said was untrue and I still meant to run away that very night, she assured me that she would do anything she could to help me.
Bea slipped in later, the key to the door being in the outside of the lock, to tell me that her papa had told her andMaudie his version of what had happened and declared that he would have to marry me as soon as possible to save my good name! Meanwhile, I am to remain locked in my room with my meals brought to me by Efa, until you leave the district. Efa is to bring you a message from Maudie explaining that I am ill and so will be unable to see you tomorrow before you leave, and will bring you this note with it.
Dearest Milly, I cannot now wait a single moment longer than I have to, to get away, so could we bring our plans forward to dusk instead? Efa will help me get away by the cliff path while the others are at dinner, if you could meet me with the car by the rear gates to Castle Newydd, then? Perhaps you could tell the innkeeper that after receiving Maudie’s note, you have decided to set out on the first part of your journey home this evening, instead of waiting till tomorrow? And Efa will warn her young man not to speak of it to anyone, most especially Wykes, if he should turn up in the bar.
Bea will also play her part. After dinner, when her papa goes out on to the upper terrace to smoke a cigar, she will follow him on the pretext of pleading again to be allowed to go to London, so distracting his thoughts from me while I am making my escape.
Send word back with Efa if this slight change to our plans suits you – and please, say as little as possible about the reasons for it to Edwin, for you know his hot temper.
Now that I’m calmer and have had time to think, I have come to the realization that I have mistaken the nature of my feelings for Edwin. While I will always love him as abrother, my only desire now is that we three can live and work together as friends, as we originally planned. Could you do me the great favour of explaining this to him?
Yours in haste,
Arwen
*
After reading the final note, I felt very troubled, especially about what could have made her change her mind about marrying Edwin.
In fact, the notes had thrown up so many new questions in my mind that my head felt as if it was buzzing and I suddenly longed to get out of the house, to somewhere I could think things out.
I managed to slip out without seeing anyone and my feet automatically took me to the little glade in the heart of the oak wood, where I sat on a flat mossy stone under the oldest oak with its venerable mistletoe beard, over whose gnarled roots the libation had been poured on the night of the Winter Solstice.
I knew Arwen had also loved this spot and that she, too, had grown to love the sea, the sky and the cliffs around Seren Bach, even if she became desperate to leave in the end. It was not because of the place, nor the old house, which I’d always felt to be a warm and welcoming entity in itself, but Cosmo Caradoc, the monster at the heart of the maze she was struggling to find a way out of.
And shehadescaped, thank goodness, to live and work in Cornwall with her best friend, even if that time had been short.
But did that last letter to Milly hint that Edwin had gone alittle too far – that he, a few years older, really had taken advantage of her that morning, over-persuaded her? She had said she was in love with him, and they were to be married very soon, yet in the end it had never happened.
Perhaps it was just that she had realized that marriage was not for her, after all?
The ghastly scene with Cosmo and his vile accusations might also have besmirched whatever had happened between her and Edwin.
In that final note, she’d expressed the hope that she, Milly and Edwin could live together as friends, as they had originally intended – but of course, you can never go back, and I knew from Evie’s research that Edwin had quickly returned to his London life.
Perhaps Arwen had also come to see that her work meant more to her than anything else, especially after discovering that Caradoc had appropriated several of her paintings as his own, not to mention his plans that she should stay on at Triskelion for ever as his assistant, eventually producing the work he put his name to!
Evie would certainly want to reassign Arwen’s work to her. Was it this that Nerys was afraid of, that Evie would ferret out this secret and expose Caradoc? Or did Nerys also know about Caradoc’s unwelcome and inappropriate advances towards his ward?
There were so many questions to be answered, and I really needed to talk to Evie. I didn’t suppose, however, that that would happen until she’d finished transcribing Milly’s sketchbook journal.
I just hoped that when she did open up about it, it would solve some final puzzling things, without also throwing upsome new ones. Or, even worse, yet more unsavoury skeletons in the cupboard.
Once she related what she’d discovered to the family – also, however distantly,ourfamily – they might not be so keen on my living nearby, let alone marrying into it.
But then, I too would be marrying into the family of the horrible Cosmo Caradoc, although, of course, Rhys was Timon’s nephew, not Nerys’s.
What would Rhys think? It was obvious that he was like a son to Nerys and Timon and he loved them.
