Page 74 of Moving to Love
The next morning, Joci woke up hot and sweaty. She couldn’t breathe. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was in the hotel. She looked down, and Jeremiah was practically lying on top of her. His head was on her chest; his arm wrapped around her, and he was lying on one of her legs. She tried to take a deep breath and was able to get half a breath in. She closed her eyes and attempted to clear her head. She hadn’t wanted to go to bed mad last night. She was just so damn sick of this shit. This morning, her eyes felt all puffy and swollen from crying in the shower and lack of sleep. Great.
She had to pee, but when she struggled to get up, his arm wrapped around her tighter. She pulled an arm from under the covers and pushed gently on his shoulder.
“Jeremiah, please get off me. I’ve got to pee.”
He squeezed her tighter and mumbled. She pushed at him again, and he opened his eyes.
“I have to pee,” she said, slightly exasperated.
“Sorry, babe.” He rolled over onto his back.
She rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom. A short while later, she walked into the room and started pulling clothes out of her bag to wear for the day.
“We need to talk, Joci.”
Her shoulders sagged. He was right, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. She slowly turned to look at him.
“Okay,” she whispered.
He pushed himself up against the headboard and patted the mattress. “Come sit here with me.”
She walked over and perched herself on the edge of the mattress, her back rigid. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against him.
“I’m sorry. About everything. If I could change it, I would. I can’t. It won’t happen again. What more can I say to you?”
She closed her eyes. “Okay. Is that it?”
He let out a snort. “‘Okay, is that it?’ You don’t have anything else?”
“I simply don’t know what to say, Jeremiah. I feel like we’ve been down this road, but nothing seems to change. I’ve just had enough of it. LuAnn pulls crap. You apologize and tell me it won’t happen again. It happens again, you apologize and tell me it won’t happen again, and on and on. What do you want me to say?”
She could feel his chest rise with the induction of air and slowly release. He squeezed her and placed his head on hers. They sat quietly. Not knowing what else to say, he chuckled. “Gunnar called me Dad last night.”
Joci closed her eyes and let a tear fall. Gunnar. It wasn’t just about her and Jeremiah; Gunnar was also involved. Ryder and JT, too. Shit.
She wiped her eyes and started to pull away. She pushed her hands through her hair and held them there.
“I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve reached my limit. I don’t want a life of constantly having to deal with a woman who thinks she’s in love with my husband. Especially when my husband won’t do anything to change the situation. It’s really that simple.”
“Please give me another chance, Joci. I mean it. LuAnn will be made to learn that she can never bother us again.”
“Why, Jeremiah? Why do you keep putting me through this?”
She got up and began dressing, putting on a little makeup, and throwing a bandana on her head to protect her forehead.
He lifted himself out of bed and got dressed. As soon as they were ready to go down for breakfast, Jeremiah walked up to her and hugged her.
“I love you, Joci. I love you crazy. This hurts so badly right now. This distance. I hate it.”
“I don’t know what else to do, Jeremiah. I keep getting hurt. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
He tightened his arms around her and stood with her in his arms, swaying back and forth. She heard him swallow a lump in his throat and take a deep breath.
“I won’t hurt you anymore. I’m so fucking sorry I ever did. You’re the last person I want to hurt, ever.”
She stepped back and looked into his eyes, not as green today as usual, and filled with sadness. With a heavy sigh, she said, “I know you don’t mean to. But you do.”
She turned and walked out the door. He followed her down the hall to the elevator. They rode in silence to the lobby and walked to the room where the continental breakfast was served without saying a word to one another. The others were all sitting around tables pushed together, talking and laughing. The only people missing were Chase and LuAnn.
