Page 8 of Everything We Thought Was True
Because of Henry. Henry was married with kids, just like Frank. But something had shifted recently, and Frank felt there was something more between them. It scared and excited him. He’d only really felt this once, years before, or at least, he’d onlyallowedhimself to feel it once. Since then, he’d desperately tried to push it out of his mind, but lately, it had come crashing back like a large wave cresting on the beach.
Frank would never forget the first time he’d touched another boy. He’d been fifteen years old, and his friend Eddie had come over after school so they could do homework together. Frank’s mother was in the kitchen, making dinner. The neighbor’s dog started barking loudly, and Eddie and Frank went to the window to investigate, laughing when they saw the dog chasing a squirrel. Standing side by side, Frank glanced at Eddie’s profile, admiring his long eyelashes. Eddie positioned himself closer to Frank until their arms were touching. Frank didn’t know if it was intentional, but he hoped so. Unable to control the yearning he’d felt for months, Frank reached over and brushed his fingers lightly against the back of Eddie’s hand. Therewas mystery in that first touch, as wondrous as the first time Frank had felt the ocean breeze on his skin. Eddie didn’t pull away but was still looking straight ahead out the window, as if immobilized. Frank’s heart jumped, hoping he hadn’t misread the cues. After what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a few seconds, Eddie turned to look at Frank and smiled. That smile melted Frank and made him bolder. He lightly caressed Eddie’s hand and let his fingers trail up his forearm. Eddie leaned his head onto Frank’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Frank felt electrified, every cell standing at attention. He kept going, moving his fingers up to Eddie’s neck, slowly turning Eddie’s chin to face him. Eddie opened his eyes, and they stared at each other, neither moving any closer. Frank felt his breath coming faster as he stared at Eddie’s lips. There was the tiniest distance left between them, and he wanted to close it. He bent his head toward Eddie—
“Frank, what are you doing?” His mother's voice exploded through the room.
Frank’s hand dropped to his side with a thump. Eddie jumped back. A chill ran down Frank’s body. He wanted to shrink into himself and fade into the background. But he couldn’t. His mother’s stare bored into him. He felt exposed. He looked away, not answering her. Eddie coughed but remained silent. Frank's mother marched over and stared at him without saying a word, her wide eyes glaring and questioning.
Frank took a deep breath while maintaining eye contact with her. “Nothing,” he said quietly. “We were just watching Coco chase a squirrel.”
He knew that wasn’t what she was referring to. His mother kept watching him while his heart thundered in his chest. The silence stretched and filled the room like a thick smoke.
Then she turned to his friend. “Eddie, I think it’s time for you to leave now. Frank needs towash up for dinner.”
Eddie coughed nervously again, gathered up his books, and without saying a word or making eye contact with Frank, hurriedly left the room. Eva gave Frank one last lingering look and walked away. And in that moment, he knew she knew.
She knew, and her look had told him she thought those feelings were unnatural. Frank never hung out with Eddie again after that day. The experience had tainted their friendship. What had been pure and loving and tender had become twisted and perverted when exposed to the outside world.
Lately, Henry had awoken similar feelings in Frank and made every nerve ending in his body feel on fire. Frank assured himself he could resist this. He’d experienced attraction to men before and never acted on it. He would make sure this wasn’t any different.
He increased the speed of the boat and felt the bow lift and slam down on the waves over and over in a constant, soothing rhythm. He wanted to feel the ocean spray on his face and wash away any trace of these confusing thoughts. Frank breathed in the sea and felt instantly lighter, like a window had opened and fresh air had rushed in. His body relaxed. He was always at peace on the water—feeling at home.
The only other place he’d ever truly felt at home was with Teresa. When they’d met in the summer of 1965, he’d felt like he’d been saved. She was only sixteen years old to his eighteen but possessed maturity beyond her years. Yet she also had a carefree way about her that was appealing to Frank, who carried an immense burden within him. Teresa was loving and kind and believed not only in him but in their future together as well. She was his horizon. He couldn’t lose sight of that. With Teresa at his side, he’d be able to weather any storm.
Chapter Four
TERESA - NEW ROCHELLE, NY
1968
Teresa tried to look nonchalant, smiling at a few club members as she walked by, keeping her eyes glued to the spot where she’d last seen Frank.Where is he?
The evening had been lovely at the start. She and Frank had come to the club for an adult game night and barbecue, and Teresa was thrilled to have another chance to go out, just the two of them. Eva had offered to watch Anthony again—she was a godsend—and Teresa had looked forward to being baby free for the evening so she could play rummy cube, one of her favorite games. While Frank chatted with club members, uninterested in games, she happily played multiple rounds, unaware of the time. At one point, she spotted their friends Henry and Joanie milling about and waved at them. The last time she saw Frank, he was by the pool, chatting with Carmen, a bombshell of a woman who flirted a little too much for Teresa’s taste. When she’d looked back about fifteen minutes later, she’d lost sight of him.
It was getting late, and she wanted to head home soon to relieve Eva of babysitting. Teresa stood at the poolside, scanning the crowd for Frank.Where the heck is he?She walked around the perimeter of the pool. Still no sign of him. She fought a nagging feeling of doubt.
She approached a pleasant couple she’d seen at club events before. “Have you seen my husband, Frank? I was playing rummy cube for so long that I lost track of time.” She laughed, and it came out high-pitched, sounding fake even to her ears.
They glanced around then shook their heads. “No,” the husband said. “Sorry, haven’t seen him.”
“I saw him earlier, but it’s been a while now,” the wife added. “I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.”
“Thank you,” Teresa said, feeling foolish standing there alone, hunting for her husband.
She walked away from them and closed her eyes, feeling woozy. She took a deep breath to steady herself. She felt overtired and couldn't think straight. Those few sips of wine, mixed with lack of sleep from taking care of Anthony, must have gone to her head. She was a lightweight since she hardly ever drank.
Of course Frank was here somewhere. He wouldn’t just abandon her. Teresa fought her way back through the crowd to reach the place she’d last seen Henry and Joanie, thinking maybe Frank was chatting with them, but they weren’t there.Where else could he be?
She realized she hadn’t checked their boat yet. Teresa headed down the dock and noticed the boat was missing. That was it. Frank had taken the boat out.
But why wouldn’t he tell me and include me? Why would he leave and take the boat out alone?Unless he wasn’t alone. Teresa stood there, staring at the empty spot where the boat should be, and felt panic rising.He wouldn’t go out on the boat with that woman, would he? Nonsense. He’s not having an affair. And if he were, he wouldn’t be so obvious about it, would he?
An image flashed before Teresa’s vision—Carmen flipping her hair back as she laughed and leaning forward to expose generous cleavage. Teresa stood up straighter, sucking in her stomach andtaking in a big gulp of air.Breathe. He’ll be back any minute. It will all be okay.
She returned to the pool and snack bar area. The crowd had grown thinner. A few people walked by on their way to the parking lot and nodded, smiled, or waved. She tried to appear normal even though her heart was beating hard and tears threatened to fall.
Another image flashed in her mind—Frank kissing Carmen, his arms around her small waist, pulling her against him. Teresa’s eyes stung from holding back tears. Her hands shook as she waited, praying to be wrong. Praying for Frank to come.
The Liebers, a kind elderly couple she’d met at the club multiple times, walked by. They waved as they made their way to the parking lot. Mrs. Lieber called out, “Teresa, honey, do you need a lift home?”
