Page 38 of Everything We Thought Was True
Teresa untangled herself from Frank and left him in their bedroom to gather himself. It was a long time before he emerged. When he did, he joined her in the upstairs hall bathroom and looked her straight in the eye, putting his hand over hers.
“Teresa, my God. What you must think of me. You’re so strong. I'd never survive what you’re going through. And it's killing me because I'm the one causing it. You're my best friend, and I haven't been able to talk to you about... things. So many things. I've distanced myself from you, thinking I was protecting you. Please forgive me. I love you. I can't stand that I’m hurting you.”
She pulled her hand back and crossed her arms. “Frank, decide what it is youwant.”
“I want my family. I don’t want to lose you.” Frank exhaled deeply and ran his hands through his hair, a gesture she’d loved since the first time they’d met.
How hard she’d fallen for Frank. Like jumping off a cliff. Nothing could have kept her from leaping. And the memory of that time, when she’d felt so much promise in her heart, made her cry again. Teresa couldn't stop the tears.Stupid heart. Doesn’t it know he hasn’t really been yours to cry over for a long time now?
Frank reached over and wrapped her hand in his.
“We’ll figure it out, Frank. I don’t know what that means just yet, but we will. But you have to be honest with me. That’s all I ask for now.”
He kissed the back of her hand. “Okay, you want the truth?” Frank shook his head and then nodded sharply as if convincing himself to continue. He let out a ragged breath. “It’s over. I swear. That other thing...” He waved his hand. “I ended it. No more, Teresa. I promise.”
She felt relief wash over her, mixed with utter exhaustion. She and Frank were tired and worn. Their ruts were so deeply cut into the road that she wasn’t sure they could steer themselves anyplace new.
“You’re really going to be able to do that, Frank?” She didn’t know how realistic that was. She wasn’t the one struggling with this.
“Yes. I can. I will.” Then he added, “I don’t want our family to end. I couldn’t bear it.”
She nodded and looked out the window at the trees swaying in the wind, which seemed to echo how she felt. Unsteady. Then she turned back to Frank. “Well, I couldn’t bear it if you started doing this again. I love you. I love our family, but I can’t take living a lie anymore, Frank. If anything happens again, I don’t think I could take it. Do you understand what I’m saying? What I mean?”
She couldn’t speak the words aloud—I would leave you.But theywere there between them.
“It won’t happen, Teresa. I won’t let it,” Frank said.
Their marriage had come to this—her begging her husband not to have an affair with a man. It wasn’t the type of love story she’d envisioned years before when their relationship held so much promise. Teresa couldn’t help wondering if theirs was becoming what some people called a marriage of convenience. She didn’t want that. That was not why she’d gotten married. But so many women she knew were trapped in inconvenient, or even dangerous, marriages to men who were drunks, drug addicts, physically abusive, or just nasty. By comparison, Frank’s attraction to men didn’t seem so horrible.
She thought of Joanie and how reconciled she was to the situation. She’d given up and let it go on right under her nose, giving tacit permission. Teresa didn’t want to become a mirror image of that—a sad, defeated woman, allowing herself to live a lie because she didn’t have the courage to leave.
She remembered Joanie’s words: “Then I guess we’re the ones who’re trapped, aren’t we?”
Teresa shuddered. She couldn’t let that happen.
Chapter Twenty-One
LENA - RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA
July 2015
My dad grinned at me in the parking lot of the Terranea Resort, where we’d just met with the wedding coordinator to go over the menu. And by going over the menu, I meant we tasted almost every dish.
“Well, that worked out well,” my dad said. “We don’t even need to eat dinner now.”
“We chowed down,” I agreed. “Glad you like the menu.”
“Love it. Love everything about this place. The wedding is going to be fabulous.” He smiled at me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I said quickly, brushing it off.
I didn’t want brownie points for planning this wedding. The whole concept of me as wedding planner for my father’s second wedding still wasn’t sitting right with me. I didn’t love the idea of him getting married again. It brought up so many issues from my past. But this wedding was moving forward with or without me, and I’d thrown myself into my responsibilities.
Over the last few weeks, I’d secured this site for the ceremony and reception and booked a local officiant who specialized in LGBTQ weddings. I’d been planning on getting the invitation designed by a local print shop when my father informed me that Oliverwanted to design it himself. Fine with me—that was one less thing to do. Oliver was a graphic designer, so that was right up his alley.
“I wish Oliver could’ve been here.” My dad had explained earlier that Oliver’s cousin had a two-hour layover in LA. They hadn’t seen each other in years, so Oliver was trusting Dad on the menu.
“He’ll love it,” I said.
