Page 13 of Everything We Thought Was True
“Okay, you’re right. I can pull this off.” I managed a weak smile.
“And it’ll make the old man happy. He loves when you get involved.”
“I know,” I said like a kid giving in.
“It’s your way of showing love. Kind of like your mom used cooking to show love. With you, it’s planning for other people.”
Planning as a way of showing love? He was giving me way too much credit.More like my way of being a control freak.
“You should call Anthony. I’m sure he’ll offer some words of wisdom.”
“Yeah, I’m planning to on my way to work. And I’m sorry I’m snappy this morning,” I said. “I’m just stressed.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry if I pushed your buttons. Just trying to cheer you up.” Kevin kissed me on the lips, butterfly light, and then grabbed his travel mug. He waved and headed out the door to work.
Fine. I’ve got this. I can plan a damn wedding.
Icouldn’t help thinking Kevin’s reaction was probably more like what my father would have wanted from me. My husband seemed genuinely pleased for my father and Oliver.Great.I could add guilt to my already-boiling-over emotions. Kevin had always had a good relationship with my father, and I was thankful for that. It was childish and unfair to expect him to hold a grudge on my behalf for what my father had done to our family years before Kevin came into the picture. After all, it wasn’t his grudge to bear.
My marriage could have gone completely the other way. I could have wound up with a husband unforgiving of my family history, or worse, not accepting. I’d been petrified of that possibility, which was why I’d held back the truth from Kevin the entire first year of our courtship. When Kevin had proposed on a summer night in 1996, he’d done everything right—the romantic setup, the champagne, the beach house, the ring. And then I had to spoil it.
Here goes.I dove in. “I have to tell you something, and it isn’t easy.” I stopped talking, unsure of how to proceed.
“What? What’s wrong?” Kevin furrowed his brow. He’d had a big smile on his face all night long that was now replaced by worry lines and a frown.
“What if I wasn’t who you thought I was?” I asked.
“What do you mean? I know who you are.” He looked confused and moved closer to me on the couch at his Seal Beach apartment, where we’d been enjoying celebratory champagne minutes before.
I jumped up, needing to put some distance between us to give me courage to continue. Kevin’s arms around me, comforting me, might make me chicken out.
“There’s something about me you don’t know, Kevin. And it’s... it’s hard to tell you. But you need to know before we get married.”
“Okay, now you’re scaring me. What’s this about?” He dashed his hands through his thick blond hair.
“It’s a secret that I haven’t shared with many people. I don’t intentionally hide it, but it’s really none of anyone’s business. But it will be your business if you’re going to be my husband.”
“Lena, there’s nothing you can tell me that would make me change my mind about getting married.”
My hand went to my mouth as a soft sob escaped. Tears dripped from the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away, trying to stay strong.Don’t break down now.Get it over with.I wanted it in the past, behind us.
“It’s not really about me. It’s about my family. About my parents. It will all make sense once you find out, but I’m so scared it’s going to freak you out.”
“What’s freaking me out is you keeping me in suspense. I can handle a family issue. What I can’t handle is you not trusting me enough to let me in. Please tell me what this big secret is, Lena.”
I cringed. I was making this harder by not blurting it out. By being a coward. Our future was at stake. I needed to trust him. I did trust him. Now was the time to prove it.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I’ve been so nervous about how to tell you, but here goes. My father...” I sputtered, crying even harder.
Kevin squeezed my arm, encouraging me to continue.
“My father is gay.”
There, I’d said it. Out loud. To Kevin.
“Oh...” Kevin said, staring at me. “That’s your big secret? Lena, my God, you had me freaked out.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not something I share. I’m so used to keeping it secret.”
