Page 10 of Everything We Thought Was True
Frank took her lead and whispered too. “I’m sorry. I should've told you.”
“Yes, you should have. I couldn't find you...” Teresa looked at the wall, making out shadows from the streetlight. She wasn’t sure she believed him. “I need you to be honest with me, Frank. Were you really with Henry? Or were you with... someone else?”
“Yes, I was with Henry. There was no one else there, I swear. I should’ve told you, and I’m sorry we were out for so long. God, I feel so bad I made you worry and left you without a ride. Please forgive me.”
She tried not to raise her voice again. “Honestly, I can't shake this off. When I came home alone, I had hours to think about what might have happened to you. I was afraid you went off with a woman.”
Teresa felt embarrassed to admit that she’d felt abandoned and that this night had triggered every insecurity she had ever known. Her parents’ marriage wasn’t one to aspire to, and so many of her extended family members had husbands who strayed. She didn’t want to be next in a long line of marriages riddled with infidelity.
“Why would I do that?” Frank asked.
“Because you could. You could disappear and go off with another woman.” She sounded insecure. And maybe that was justified. But she didn’t want her insecurity to create a chasm between them.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Henry and I were taking the boat out and that I’m so late. I didn’t know it would make you worry this much.”
“Don’t do it again—disappear and not tell me where you’re going and then not come home for hours, knowing I'm sitting here, worried.”
“Okay,” said Frank, stroking her hair. “I won’t. But please, Teresa, don’t worry. You’re my wife.” He lifted her chin, and she could seethe streetlight reflected in his eyes. “I love you.” He said each word slowly.
“That doesn’t make what I went through tonight hurt any less or make me feel any better about it.”
“Fair enough. That’s true. But I do love you. Don’t forget that.”
Frank leaned over, kissed her good night, and then settled himself on the pillow. Teresa leaned back and stared up at the ceiling, bone-tired. She heard the baby cry.Great.
“I’ll get him,” Frank said, jumping back up from bed. He walked over to the crib and picked Anthony up.
As Frank rocked the baby to soothe him, one thought kept tumbling over in her mind:Will he be able to keep his promise?
Chapter Five
FRANK - NEW ROCHELLE, NY
1968
Frank tried to focus on steering the boat around the buoys in the harbor, but his mind was racing. He felt horrible about the way he’d treated Teresa last weekend—abandoning her, forcing her to get a ride home, making her worry about him.What is wrong with me?He’d never done anything like that before. But it was almost like he couldn’t help himself. Lately, feelings from Frank’s past were resurfacing. God, was he confused. And he wondered if it showed. He pictured the expression on Teresa’s face after he got home. He’d never seen her look at him that way before. The uncertainty. The way she held him in her gaze, like she was trying to decipher clues.
I thought I could keep this at bay. Why is this happening again?Images from Saturday night flickered through his mind—Henry laughing, the wind whipping back his hair, his profile silhouetted against the late-evening sky. He worried that Henry would be his downfall. Two competing emotions tore at Frank—desire and fear. He was dying to see Henry alone again. Curiosity was teeming inside him, and he wanted to see whether there was anything there or if it was only in his imagination. But acting on his attraction wasn’t worth the risk. He’d made his choice a long time ago. Nothing was worth losing his family over. With Teresa by his side, he’d always been able to drown out the desires he’d been trying to deny.
And now, as he was steering his boat to meet Henry—who had awoken these instincts in him in such a powerful way that it often took his breath away—Frank tried to convince himself that he could resist. That he wasn’t putting himself and his family at risk. That he wasn’t being unfaithful to Teresa just by spending time with Henry, knowing how he felt about him.
Frank pulled up to the dock at the City Island Marina, where they’d arranged to meet after Henry finished a work appointment there. It was en route to Manhasset Bay, one of Frank’s favorite spots that he was going to show Henry that evening, giving them a reason to be alone together on the boat. They were just two friends out for a sunset spin without their wives and kids, blowing off steam after a long day of work. But as much as he tried to convince himself that this was an innocent joy ride with a friend, Frank knew deep down that he was looking for an excuse to spend time with his crush, dangerous though that was. Frank felt like a masochist, torturing himself by being around Henry. But it also felt like torture to stay away.
Henry stood, one hand lifted to his forehead to shade his eyes from the sun, the other waving to Frank. “Hey, you.” He gave Frank a wide smile, which made Frank’s stomach flip-flop.
“Gorgeous night,” Frank said. “Hop on.”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Henry said, winking.
Frank looked away to steer the boat closer to the dock—and to hide the effect Henry’s gesture had on him. He felt undone by it, like his attempts to keep a cool demeanor would crumble at any moment, and he’d give away his true feelings to Henry with just one look.
Henry grabbed the side of the boat and helped pull it to the dock, taking out the side buoy to avoid a collision. When the boat was close enough, he hopped inside. Frank watched Henry push the boat away from the dock, taking in his muscular arms and the curve of his back. Henry turned toward Frank and stared backintently for a second longer than was comfortable, a small smile playing upon his lips. Frank realized he might have been caught admiring him.
Henry walked over, and instead of taking the passenger seat of the boat, as the cocaptain, he sat down next to Frank behind the wheel. Henry’s leg was squeezed up against his, and Frank could feel the heat of the man’s body through his shorts. He shuddered, startled by the strength of his own desire. Frank thought about moving his leg, but there was a tremor running through his body, so delicious he wanted to freeze the moment and enjoy it forever. He waited a few beats, relishing the closeness. Then he shifted his leg to the right, breaking contact.
Frank couldn’t turn and look at Henry. But he didn’t have to. For months, he’d been observing those brown eyes, and he’d become well acquainted with them. He knew the way Henry’s eyes twinkled when their conversation moved from harmless banter to outright flirtation.
When they pulled up to the area of the bay where he wanted to anchor, Henry went up to the bow and threw the anchor out. It sank to the bottom, securing their spot. Frank cut the engine, and silence descended. There was a charge in the air, and Frank suddenly felt giddy with nerves, like he was that high school boy from six years earlier, who had wanted to kiss Eddie.
