Page 39 of Tinley's Daddy
The way she held her arm across her chest sometimes or the stiffness in her ankle when she sat for a long time made me think she might have older injuries. She was used to pushing through. Her split lip had healed and the bump on her head disappeared, but she might have other injuries she didn’t know about. What I imagined happened to her may be better than my imagination or worse. I tried to stop myself from thinking too hard about it. I had to concentrate on Tinley.
My knee bounced. I stood up and paced the floor. It had been a few days since I’d been in a room alone with my thoughts. I took a step toward the closed office door but stopped and returned to the couch. She was okay. She was in the best hands. Both Anna and Maria worked with sex abuse survivors of all ages. They were the best and nothing but the best for my little Tinley from here on out.
My Tinley.
“Fuck!” I dropped my head in my hands.
I couldn’t deny it. She was mine. Or I wanted her to be mine anyway. Every part of her called to every part of me. I had given Kyler a hard time about going so crazy over Rayna too quickly, but now I understood it. Unexplainably connecting with someone who was better than you imagined made all the doubts leave my brain. I had no plausible way to explain how I felt about Tinley. I knew she was for me.
The door opened. My head shot up so fast I gave myself whiplash.
“Hi, Josh.” Dr. Maria skipped in and plopped down on the chair opposite me. Her dress settled in around her. She was a middle in the lifestyle, but a psychiatrist by trade. She had an uncanny way of making people talk to her and tell them all their secrets. “You okay?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “How’s Tinley?”
“She’s fine.” She leaned forward. “But I asked about you. How are you?”
“I’m fine.” I frowned and tried to relax to avoid the headache forming at the base of my brain. “I just need her to be okay.”
“She’s fine,” Dr. Maria sang. “She’s very strong and she’s a praise queen like me. You see that in her?”
“Yeah.” I smiled, picturing how her eyes brightened when I called her a good girl. Or the way she did something and waited for me to notice and tell her she did well. I would tell her she was a good girl every second of every day if it would help her forget the last two years of her life.
“OMG!”
I blinked, forgetting Dr. Maria was in the room.
“You like her.”
I stood up.
“You do,” Dr. Maria whispered and bounced to block my pacing. “That’s?—”
“I know it’s wrong and a bad idea.” I held my hand to my mouth. I wanted to punch myself or scream or bash my head against the wall to get these feelings out of my brain. It couldn’t go anywhere right now, and it wasn’t what she needed. I turned away from Dr. Maria. “You don’t have to tell me to back off and leave her alone. A relationship with a guy like me is the last thing she needs.”
“Oh, so you’ve assessed her and determined what’s best for her.”
I turned back toward her.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I was going to say that’s wonderful.”
“What?” I scoffed. “How could it be wonderful?”
“I haven’t had a chance to speak with Tinley about what happened to her and she may not be ready to tell me today, but one thing all my patients have in common is they feel unlovable.”
My chest tightened. I rubbed it and flopped back in the chair. Not lovable. Tinley was the most lovable person I had ever met. She was bright and funny and courageous and silly and sassy and powerful. I could go on and on, but…
“You don’t think it’s inappropriate for me to pursue her?” I cringed at my use of words.
“Maybe not pursue.” Dr. Maria giggled. “But wooing her. Yeah, I think it would be good for both of you.”
“This isn’t about me, Maria.”
“Isn’t it?” She shrugged. “Especially now, seeing Kyler with Rayna. I bet your biological clock sounds like a time bomb in your brain.” Dr. Maria giggled.
I shook my head.
She flopped back in the chair and dug into those deep pockets again. She produced a candy, unwrapped it, and popped it in her mouth. “I’m sorry.” She fished it out of her mouth and held it out to me. “Want some?”
