Page 33 of Tinley's Daddy
Words escaped me. I felt inadequate to comfort her. I knew how hard it was for littles to be comfortable being their true self and to have it used against her to further dehumanize her made me sick.
She touched my face. I flinched.
She tucked her hand back under the blanket. The hurt in her eyes gutted me.
“Sweet Tinley. I’m sorry.” I touched her arm over the covers.
“Are you mad at me?” She blinked back tears.
“No, of course not.” I sighed. “I am mad, but not at you, baby. Never at you.”
She shifted to her side and her hand peeked out of the blanket. Palms up. I laced my fingers with hers and an instant calm overtook me. I inhaled and exhaled and felt grounded for the first time in days, maybe years. I searched my brain for the words to offer her some hope. I saw it in her, every ounce of her being trying to burrow her way out of the darkness into the ball of sunshine I imagined her being.
“It’s going to take time, Tinley.” I squeezed her hand. My heart raced when she squeezed mine back. I brought it to my lips and kissed the back of her hand, her skin so soft. The sweet smellof the lotion my assistant gave her would be embedded in my brain and remind me of her. If I never got any closer to her, this would be enough.
“Josh.” She blinked her eyes, trying to stay awake.
“Yeah, sweet girl.” I ran my thumb across her knuckles, and she shivered.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For rescuing me.” Her smile made my heart ache in a good way.
“I didn’t rescue you.” I tilted my head to look her in the eyes. “You rescued yourself. That’s why you are the bravest woman I’ve ever met.”
“But you were there.”
“Fate put us in the right place at the right time.”
“Okay, but for every moment after that.” She leaned in. Her lips pressed against my cheek. “Thank you.”
I nodded, at a loss for words. She struggled to stay awake. Her breath slowed and sleep took her. I continued to hold her hand, her small fingers clinging to mine. The flight attendant peeked around the corner. I stood up.
“Is everything okay?” She picked up a glass from our dinner table. “Can I get you anything?”
“I’m fine. And she’s going to be okay.” I exhaled.
She patted my arm and went back to her seat.
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
I walked to the front of the plane. The caller ID stated Chandler, Randall, and Kyler were waiting on FaceTime.
I tapped the screen and slid into one of the front row recliners. “Hey, guys.” I ran a hand through my hair. I needed a haircut. No one spoke. We’d all grown up together. We knew everything about each other, except for Randall. We never knewwhat the hell he was doing, but I knew them and instantly knew something was wrong.
“Where’s Tinley?” Chandler sat in his apartment. Randall was in his place, too. Kyler, I assumed was in New Jersey still, not stalking Rayna.
“She’s asleep. Why? What happened?” I leaned forward.
“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t… ” Randall trailed off.
“J, man, it’s Tinley’s mother. Uhm.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “She died.”
I blinked.
“Yeah, she died about six months after Tinley was taken.” Randall tapped on his screen. My phone buzzed.
