Page 14 of Not Like Christmas At All
Some nights, anyway.
It’s past two A.M. by the time I finally have a moment to fuel my body and can take a quiet moment for myself. Grabbing some extra snacks from my locker, I ride the elevator down to the ground level and head into the hospital's cafeteria. Light whispers fill the room as I enter the staff area, helping myself to a few of the healthier snack options the hospital keeps on hand for us, since meal service is long past closed. I grab a meat and cheese snack pack from the refrigerated vending machine to pair with my apple and granola bar, then look for a place to relax for a while.
Some nurses I’ve only met a few times in passing sit at a table nearby, and across the room, I spot Lincoln sitting at a table for two next to the window overlooking the parking lot.
A sigh reverberates through my chest as I draw nearer to him, not sure if he’ll even want my company, but I’m not really in the mood to be alone.
Today was rough, and I’m fearful the silence of my chaotic thoughts will open up my mind to the grief I’ve felt several times this shift.
“Can I join you?” My voice is small, a sense of timidness slipping through me, and I’m not sure why.
I’venever, and I truly mean never with every sense of the word, been concerned over interactions with a man, and I can’t figure out for the life of me why I want the approval ofthisman so badly.
I tell myself it’s because of Zee, that I want this aspect of her relationship with Miller—the piece of it where everyone they care for can do things together—to be as easy as possible, but deep down, I know that’s not therealreason.
I’ve never cared much about finding a boyfriend, or the thought of settling down. Sure, companionship is great, but it hasn’t been a priority in my life, and I still feel like it isn’t. My family, my career,thoseare my priorities…but Lincoln has me curious.
I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and have no doubt in my mind the reason my best friend was compelled to go on all of those holidates last year was to meet the love of her life. But I can’t help but wonder what the reason for her bringing Lincoln intomylife was.
She didn’t have to introduce us.
Although I would have met him regardless, since we now work together.
Lincoln grunts in response, and I take that as my green light to pull out the chair across from him. The cool bite of the metal seeps through my scrubs and sends a small chill down my spine. Arranging my snacks in front of me, I ask, “Hungry?”
“No, I’m good.” His gruff voice is doused in exhaustion, and I notice the dark circles under his eyes.
The plastic on my cheese whines as I rip it open. “When do you get to go home?”
“Not soon enough,” he grumbles, placing his phone down on the table. “You?”
“Tomorrow afternoon. But not for long.”
“Working the holiday?”
“Unfortunately.” My throat clogs with emotion again, like it does every time I think about working on Christmas.
This will be the first holiday in my entire twenty-eight years on this planet where I won’t get to spend it with my family. I knew the realities of this career when I decided to take the leap, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. “Hopefully I’ll be able to see them on the twenty-sixth though.”
“I’m sure it will be pretty quiet around here. Why do you like Christmas so much, anyway? You’re practically a walking billboard for the North Pole.”
“It’s always been my favorite time of year.” A smile ghosts my lips as I think about the warmth the holiday embodies. “What’s not to like?”
Vacantly, Lincoln looks past my shoulder across the room before answering. “Everything. It’s just another day, Genesis.”
My heart stutters and feels like it falls to the depths of my stomach at his obvious distaste toward Christmas. “What’s your family doing for the holidays? Do you get to spend it with them?”
He casts a glance back at me before refocusing on whatever he’s looking at over my shoulder. I’m not sure what else to say in follow up to such a simple question, so I stay quiet and take another bite of my cheese stick.
A sigh I can only describe as annoyed pushes past his lips. But as much as I’m clearly a thorn in his side, he’s a thorn in mine, too. “Our holidays are always small. I head up to myparents’ house in Julian, Miller comes over, and we just hang out and relax. Mom makes a huge spread of food, and we watch football.”
There’s a twinge of jealousy that makes my heart beat faster. He gets to enjoy time with his family this year, and he’s taking it for granted. Maybe that’s not a fair assumption, but based on his tone, it’s a very educated guess. “Exactly what the holidays should be about. Family. Good food.”
“Always is. This year, Zee will be there.”
“She told me! I’m so happy she has your family now.” My best friend tragically lost her family about a year and a half ago in a car accident. Her brother was driving their parents home when they were hit by a drunk driver.
“Yeah, she’s great. My cousin’s a lucky man.” He glances at me briefly, then flips his phone absentmindedly between his fingers.
