Page 56 of Choosing My Happiness
“We’ll get to know each other while you boys ride,” I said primly and clearly. I saw the ripple of glances flow as my words spread.
He gave me a concerned look. He knew something was up. I glared back, trying to convey that I’d handle this myself. He hadduties to attend to, like riding in my father’s funeral ride. Jim stood up tall and nodded.
“I’ll talk to you later,” he promised, before striding off.
“Oh, he’s deliciously yum. I haven’t seen him out and about lately. Is he taken?” Amber asked. I ground my teeth. That wasmy manshe was looking at, and I couldn’t claim him publicly yet. I needed that divorce quickly.
“He’s not available,” Shaquilla muttered. “He’s waiting for the love of his life. Don’t even try hitting on him.”
Amber threw her a concerned glance.
Shaquilla shook her head. “Not me. I’ve seen plenty of other girls try. He doesn’t even speak to them, just gives them a look and turns away.” She sighed. “I’m jealous of his ol’lady already. There’s no way he’ll cheat on her if he’s not even doing it now.”
Amber snorted. “Where’s the fun in that? You’ve got to have a little fun every now and then.”
I bit my lip to stop the sudden crack of sarcastic laughter that would have erupted. Instead, I drew in a breath and told her, “You’re certainly your father’s daughter. That’s exactly what he would’ve said. Word for word.”
She beamed as though I’d given her a compliment, whereas all I could think was Blaze got the wrong sister.
Mom and Bull walked through the door. Mom had finally dropped her grieving widow performance that she’d taken on for the service. It had slowly decomposed as people had spoken and shared their memories. Especially the ones from Blaze. Now, she was genuinely grieving.
I wasn’t grieving. I was angry. It was lucky that Mom had insisted Blaze do the eulogy on behalf of the family. I had been quietly devastated at the time, but now it was just another nail in the coffin for our dying relationship. It was obvious. Mom didn’t want me. The only thing I was useful for was giving her the son-in-law she wanted. If I’d gone up there, I’m not sure I would havebeen able to properly portray a grieving daughter. Blaze was the perfect grieving son. He missed Dad so much more than I did. Especially now that I’d found out Dad had another daughter and kept her from me. All he represented to me now were lies and betrayal, just like his son-in-law.
“Are you okay?” Amber asked, breaking my concentration.
I looked at her and sighed. “Yeah, family shit.”
She nodded and patted my shoulder.
“We can handle it together from now on,” she attempted. I gritted my teeth and smiled at her. Nope, not when you’re evidence of the problem.
We watched in silence as Blaze accepted Dad’s kutte from Mom and swung onto his bike. He rolled into the head of the formation and led the procession away, in a cacophony of engines. They would take the long way to the wake at the clubhouse, taking in what they believed were Dads favorite routes around town, while we could go straight to the wake. I wondered how many strip clubs or brothels they’d pass in honor of Dad.
Mom came up to me and glared at Amber. Amber removed her hand awkwardly, and thanked me.
“Here is my number if you ever want, yanno, to chat or something,” she said, offering a piece of paper. I took it. She walked away to join Shaquilla and Dylan.
“Did you invite her?” Mom growled. I shook my head.
“I met her just before I came in. She introduced herself.”
“And you believe her?” Mom sneered.
I lifted my head and drew in a solidifying breath. “Yes, she looks too much like me to be anything other than my sister,” I said quietly.
“Shut up!” Mom hissed, looking around. “You better get rid of that number. She’s nothing to us. I didn’t accept her then, andI will not accept her now. And neither will you,” Mom snapped at me. I looked at her and curled my lip.
“Why? She’s exactly to you what Dylan is to me. The only difference is that you expect me to accept him no matter what. I have no choice. Why should you?” I snapped, then turned around and walked away. I would rather walk to the wake than spend a minute in the car with her. It’s a shame she drove today, otherwise I would have driven home, or to Jim’s. Fuck this town, fuck this family, and fuck this whole fucking nonsense.
36
Chapter 36: Blaze
Riding up front was amazing. I could do this again, it was just a pity that the reason for my place was so horrible. I glanced down at the kutte sitting on the tank in front of me. Matchstick would have loved this. He loved a good ride. He and I used to go out every week, when his health allowed it. It was the only time that we felt fresh wind on our face, instead of the fumes out the back, where we normally were placed during the club rides. I reached down and patted the kutte.
“Good times, Matchstick, good times,” I murmured and looked up. I then turned everyone towards the clubhouse. That was his favorite place on earth, because it gave him access to his next favorite places, the girls.
We all parked our bikes, and I walked inside with Matchstick’s kutte. There was a line of coat hooks that a past president had installed, where all the old kuttes went,with a photo of the owners in their prime above each hook. Matchstick’s picture was already up there. His grin beaming out from his trademark wispy beard and moustache. I hung the kutte under it and looked at the picture.
