Page 34 of Choosing My Happiness
I saw his gaze swing down to my bare hands. “Where’s your wedding ring?” he asked.
“Beside the bed, in the drawer. With all the other trinkets you apologized with. I stopped wearing it one month after the wedding.”
“Why?” He was horrified.
“I found the condoms in your clothes. And I figured if you’re not going to respect me, I’m not going to wear anything that joins us either.”
I could see his mind reeling. I stood up.
“You don’t know me, Blaze. You don’t notice a single thing about me other than what you want to. And I deserve someone who does. I deserve to be someone’s real one and only. The only one they sleep with, the only one they fuck, the only one they think about. That’s what ride or die means.”
I walked out of the house and climbed back into my car. One hard meeting down, one more to go.
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Chapter 21: Blaze
I sat at the table, stunned. This was not the way that it was supposed to go. Daisy wasn’t supposed to walk out. She wasn’t supposed to look at me with disappointment. I guess I deserved the yelling, but she wasn’t supposed to keep me at arm’s length. She was supposed to see Junior’s tatt and remember us, remember what we created. She didn’t. She looked and went pale. Then stopped me from holding her, providing comfort.
She didn’t react well when she stepped into the house and saw that I’d kept it as it was for her. Nothing had changed. All it needed was a quick dust and restocking the fridge, and we were good to go. She seemed to have a horrified look on her face. Maybe she was thinking I didn’t care. But obviously, I do.
She didn’t wear jewelry. I never noticed that. What sort of girl didn’t wear jewelry? Her mother always wore jewelry, almost dripping with bling. She rattled as she walked.
I shook my head. It would have been nice to know years ago. I could have saved some money.
But if she didn’t wear jewelry, what did she like? What did she want from me? Flowers didn’t seem a hit either, judging by all the bunches from the birth. She barely looked at them. Or maybe she did, I can’t remember. It was a difficult week. I still remember that little boy sitting in one of my hands, the feeling of that little weight, the small face that I could already tell had my features. I didn’t like to think about it too much. I felt helpless, like a failure then, and for the week after. I’m not a failure.
I ran my hands through my hair in frustration and turned my thoughts back to Daisy. This was my current problem. She was my girl. Everyone knew that, we just needed to get through this bump, and back on track. We had the perfect opportunity to reconcile and it didn’t work out. She didn’t sound like she wanted to be with me anymore. That wasn’t possible. I caught sight of myself in the mirror. How could anyone pass this up? No one elsedid, only her. My brain flickered. Could she be jealous of the other girls? Nah, Matchstick told me that jewelry always fixed the jealousy. Although she did go on about cheating. But I didn’t cheat. I never slept over, I always came home to sleep. She was the only one I slept with, and I never spent my money on another woman. I only ever bought her the jewelry and shit, and she was the only one who sat behind me on the bike.
I picked up the bracelet and put it back in its box. Where did she say she’d put the other jewelry? Something about beside the bed.
I walked to the bedroom and opened her side of the drawers. There were the rings. All of them, including her wedding ring and the flashy engagement ring. They were all in a box together. Another box held the necklaces. They were all just lying on top of each other, not even tangled. They hadn’t been touched. Bracelets, anklets, everything I’d bought her to say, “sorry forhaving a bit of fun without you, but this will make it up to you.” They were in a drawer.
It was slowly dawning on me. It wasn’t enough. She’d never appreciate just jewelry. I had to do more. Flowers were a bust. I’d have to think of something else to make it up to her. All I could think of was another baby. Would that work? Another baby to replace the one we lost. Did she like Dylan? Would she like a little girl? Maybe that would help. But it would mean she would have to forgive me first. I was still stuck at the first step.
Maybe a ride. She loved riding. I had to chase her off one of Dad’s bikes that he had lying around. At first, I hadn’t minded; it was kinda hot watching her ride. But then Matchstick told me to keep her in line. She belonged on the back only. I had to shut that down.
I paused, maybe Matchstick was wrong. Maybe I could have let her ride and she could join me. Nah, he hadn’t been wrong about girls yet. Dylan proved it. If I didn’t need to put a legitimate baby in Daisy, I’d do what he did and have a vasectomy. That would prevent accidents.
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Chapter 22: Daisy
I drove to the hospital and pulled into a parking spot. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to go in and say goodbye to my dad. It may have been the last time I saw him, but it may have also been the last time I disappointed him again. I couldn’t go back to Blaze. There was nothing attractive about him anymore. Physically, he was attractive. With his unique eye color, he could, and did easily draw women of all ages. I’d never been jealous of them giving him their attention though. That probably should have been a sign.
I had felt sick going back into that house and seeing no changes. Things had changed so much for me. I’d gone back to school, gained a qualification, become a nurse, and gotten a job, which I loved. I felt valued for my skills, my knowledge, and my personality. I valued myself. I’d changed so much, while he hadn’t changed a bit. He was still doing everything he used to do,despite having a child relying on him. He pretended that nothing had changed, probably so he didn’thaveto change…just like my parents.
I took a breath and geared myself up to open the door and walk into the hospital. This might be the last time I’d come in here. It would be a great step if I never had to step through these halls again. I turned the corner and stepped into the room.
“Hey Dad!” I plastered a big fake smile on my face. He had gone downhill overnight. Mom beamed at me. Her place would always be permanently next to him.
“Hi honey, how did it feel being around Blaze all day yesterday? Feels like all those years apart have just disappeared,” she gushed.
I must have looked confused because she continued, “He sat next to you the whole day. Didn’t you talk?”
I shook my head. “No, I was too busy watching Dad,” I told her. Her face fell a little, worry and guilt flashing across it.
“So you haven’t spoken to Blaze?” she asked tentatively.
